Flecks in the Sun
by Thatsmyphrase
Summary: AU. Teen Sam & Dean. All Sam's life it had been him and his dad, they had built a thick wall around them so that it wouldn't crack, it wouldn't break and now it seemed like that wall was starting to tremble. Sam is diagnosed with cancer and meets an unlikely friend named Dean along the way. Sick!Sam Mentor!Dean Fatherly!John do exclamation marks actually work?
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I do not and never will own supernatural****. I just love the show. I'm not a medical professional but I spent a lot of time studying this subject. I took a long break from writing but now I'm back and have a couple of stories made up that I want to upload. My writing's gotten better but it's by no means perfect. Thank you! (How many of you guys actually read these ANs?)**

**Review...**

*****Thank you to AGoodOmen for editing my story!**

**Chapter 1 **

The sun was beating down on Sam's light brown hair, sand was between his toes and the air smelled faintly of salt but, he didn't care. The woman that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with was standing in front of him looking into his eyes, as stunning as ever, in the most striking white dress that fit her curves in all the right places. She was gazing in his eyes. Her blond hair, flecked with gold, was blowing in the breeze and it only added to her beauty. He loved her vibrant blue eyes; they were one of her finest features and one of the features that Sam was mesmerized by the most. Her soft lips spread into a smile and with it, her nose wrinkled a bit. It was their wedding day and nothing could ruin their moment. They loved each other. They were ready to finally tie-the-knot.

"Sam, I love you and I will always be there for you," Jessica Moore sweetly told him.

"I love you too Jessica." _I can't believe were finally getting married_, he thought. "I've been waiting a long time for this, for you," he said earnestly.

"By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife, may your days be long." Sam placed his hands on the sides of her jaw and pulled her closer. Their lips were almost touching, he could feel it. This was it; finally he was going to kiss-**BANG!**

All of a sudden Sam jolted awake. Falling asleep in Mr. Whitmore's math class was a bad idea.

"Wake up Sam Winchester, You're up next," Mr. Whitmore yelled. Sam was officially awake.

James Whitmore was not pleased. He was reviled when students fell asleep in his class; absolutely loathed it. He picked up the math book that he had dropped by Sam's desk and sat back at his own desk. "Sam unless you want to get detention, I recommend you go up and answer the problem on the board."

Sam slowly walked up to the board and worked on the problem. It was May and everyone was getting ready for summer break, which was in 2 weeks. Freshman year had been great but Sam was looking forward to having a break from school. He had gotten a cold about a week and a half earlier that he couldn't seem to shake. Having worked out the problem, he took his seat.

"Winchester, how did you get that correct when you've been sleeping for the last half hour?" Sam just shrugged.

"I guess it was a lucky guess," Sam said as the bell rang; Geometry wasn't very difficult for him. He stood up to leave but Mr. Whitmore stopped him.

"Hold on a sec, Sam. Please take a seat in front of my desk." Sam had to refrain from heaving a sigh; the last thing Sam wanted was to be lectured by his teacher. It was the end of the day and all Sam wanted to do was go home and take a nap. "I know that finals are over and it's almost summer but have you been feeling alright kiddo?"

"Yeah I'm fine, just a little tired is all," Sam informed him.

"This is the third time this week that you've fallen asleep in class."

"I know and I'm sorry Mr. Whitmore. I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"Well I'm afraid I'm going to have to tell your father about- uh your nose is bleeding," Mr. Whitmore said as he noticed the red liquid coming from Sam's nose. He quickly handed Sam some tissues. Sam held the tissue to his nose and pinched the bridge of his nose to try to stop the bleeding.

"It's this dumb cold, my nose is just dry." Mr. Whitmore told Sam to go to the nurse and that he would be calling his father to pick him up.

***S*P*N***

"Well Sam, it looks like it's finally cleared up," the nurse said whipping the last of the blood off of his face.

"Thanks Mrs. Harvelle. Not sure what happened, one minute I was talking to Mr. Whitmore and the next my nose was bleeding."

"I see you still have that cold," Ellen noticed.

"I just can't seem to shake it… my nose was just dry."

"It could be something else."

"Or it could be because I have a cold," Sam snapped. This was just a cold that he couldn't shake, nothing else. Just when Sam thought that the situation couldn't get any more awkward, his father came running in.

"Sam, are you alright? Your math teacher just called me to come pick you up. What happened?"

"Nothing dad, I just had a nose bleed. It's nothing. Let's just go," Sam said walking past him.

"Don't use that tone with me," John reminded Sam as he handed him the keys to the truck.

"Yes sir," Sam sulked.

"Hey Ellen, what happened?" He asked. Ellen and her husband, William, had been family friends of the Winchester's for a very long time. John had saved her husband from a poltergeist years ago.

"I'm not sure. All he said was that his nose started to bleed while he was talking to his math teacher, something about falling asleep in class? I couldn't really understand him," Ellen explained. "Does Sam play sports?" She asked abruptly.

"If you call hunting a sport, than yeah, but he hasn't been hunting with me recently. Why?" John asked suspicious.

"Well I saw some bruises on his arms, and one on his neck."

"So the kid has some bruises. He's a teen; they run into things all the time. Lord only knows how many times Sam bumps into things per day," John said shaking his head at his son's clumsiness.

"Did he tell you that it's his 4th time here in the past 2 weeks for a nose bleed?" Ellen asked him.

"As a matter a fact no, he didn't tell me that," John told her.

"Well he has. Have you noticed anything at home like appetite changes or sleeping patterns?"She asked.

"Well he hasn't been eating much but he's never really been a big eater. When he was little I always had to fight with him when it was meal time. You also have to take into consideration that he has a cold."

"Which, he's had for about a week and a half. He told me so. John, this could be a sign of something bigger. I've never told you this before but, my daughter Joanne was diagnosed with kidney failure when she was 6 years old. She was so sick. She was on dialysis for a year and had a kidney transplant but it saved her life. Now, Jo's a freshman in college and she loves it. It's all because Will and I took the safe route and took her to a doctor; like you should with Sam. Now I could be way off the train tracks but I think you should get him checked out by a doctor. It's better to be safe than sorry."

John was silent for a moment. "Thank you for the advice. I'll make an appointment today," John informed her. "I have to go; Sam's waiting for me in the car. He didn't look so good either."

"Okay John it was nice to see you. You and Sam should come over sometime. Give me an update on Sam once you figure it out."

"Okay will do."

***S*P*N***

"Is everything alright with you?" John asked walking into Sam's room. John leaned on his desk facing Sam, who was lying on his bed. John had just gotten off the phone with the doctor. He figured he would tell Sam the plan now instead of later. When John had tried to ask Sam questions about his day in the car, he had been very brief and generic saying that 'he was fine'. Needless to say the ride home was very quiet and uneventful.

"Yeah I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?" Sam said brushing him off.

"You just don't seem like yourself."

"I'm fine."

"You didn't get in a fight, did you?"

"What? No," Sam said defensively. He couldn't believe his father would think that he would be stupid enough to start a fight.

"Ellen told me you have had 4 nose bleeds in the last 2 weeks."Sam groaned. "Is this true?"

"Yeah but that's just because of the dry weather," he reasoned.

John just nodded. He decided not to pry; he knew Sam wasn't feeling well. "What's this about you falling asleep in math class?"

Sam shrugged his shoulders and was silent. "It's almost summer anyways," He replied lamely. John looked at him as if deciding whether Sam had really said that.

"Well regardless if you're okay or not, I've made an appointment for you tomorrow at noon to go get a checkup."

Sam scoffed. "You're not serious."

"Actually yeah, I am," John said with his no-bullshit expression.

"This is just a cold, nothing else," Sam protested.

"Well if it's nothing than you shouldn't be afraid. I'm picking you up from school at about 11."

"But dad its Wednesday and-"

"This is not a negotiation Sam, you're going and that's an order."

John had to practically drag Sam into the doctor's office the next day. Once they had gotten settled in a room, Sam told the doctor, Dr. Novak, about his symptoms like the nose bleeds, headaches, tiredness and having no appetite. Some of them even John hadn't noticed. Upon hearing about his symptoms, Dr. Novak ordered for Sam to have blood tests.

"See, that wasn't so bad, was it?" John said hanging his coat up. He couldn't help but worry about the doctor bill. They were fairly well off as John worked as a construction manager and a mechanic on his free time but he was very cautious about spending money.

"Yeah, that's because you weren't the one getting stuck with a needle like 20 times. When will the results be in?"

"The doctor said that the results might take as little as a few hours up or up a day. I'm going to make dinner."

"I'm going to finish my homework. I bet you ten bucks that it's going to be nothing."

"Well it's better to be safe than sorry. Dinner will be ready in a half an hour or so," John said going to make dinner, John wasn't a good cook at all but he tried and he never gave up. Inside he was feeling uneasy about the whole situation. John had a feeling that it was something bigger when the doctor told them that Sam needed a blood test.

Since Sam only had math homework to work on, he was finished with it in under an hour. To be honest, Sam was worried, if nothing was wrong then why did they have to do blood work? He couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong with him. He needed something to get his mind off his health so he decided to text his best friend Ruby Mackellar. Sam and Ruby had been friends since kindergarten.

_**Hey Rubeth **_

Hey Samuel. Where were you today? I didn't see you in third period. History was no fun without you :(

_**I had to leave early to get blood work done at the doctor's office. Ha-ha. What are you up to?**_

Just finishing up Mrs. Ryan's HW. I hate science so much. I don't get why she has to assign this much HW it's like a week before summer break. I have to go to Casey's recital soon. Why blood work?

_**Because my dad made me…**_

What was it like getting your blood drawn? Did it hurt?

_**It was fine. They had to stick me a bunch of times before they got anything.**_

Ouch…that does not sound fun… what were they looking for?

_**Not sure… I'll be fine**_

You coming back tomorrow?

_**Yeah**_

Good then you can help me with the rest of this science HW.

_**Lucky me…**_

My mom's calling me I have to go. This dance recital better be good… I would be texting you nonstop but I'm not allowed to have my phone in the auditorium. my mom would kill me if my phone went off. If I don't die of boredom…I'll text you later

_**Ha-ha have fun! Bye**_

Ruby always made him laugh.

"Sam! Dinners ready!" John yelled up. He had made Sam's favorite, grilled chicken and chicken Cesar salad. The only dishes he actually knew how to make and that tasted semi good.

"Why couldn't we just order out?" Sam said walking into the dining room. He took a seat across from his dad.

"Because I'm not on a major hunt. You know the rule, while I'm here no ordering out. I ain't made of money."

"Who made that rule?"

"Your mom and I," John said as he took a bite of chicken. The look on Sam's face made John want to mentally slap himself for bringing Imogen up. Sam's mother was still a sour subject, even after 15 years.

"You mean the egotistic woman who left us both when I was freaking 3 months old?" Sam muttered.

"Samuel Blake Winchester, don't talk about your mother like that."

Sam sighed, "She's not even my mother. Why did she leave?"

"Another time Sam."

"Why not now?" Sam argued.

"Because I said so," John said simply.

"That's so unfair! I deserve to know, I'm ready to know," Sam pleaded.

"Not yet you aren't."

"Then when?"

"Another time," John said again sternly. Lately, this had been the subject of Sam's curiosity. He had tried to get the answer out of his dad every chance he could. Sam had wanted to know for a long time now. John didn't think Sam was ready yet and truth be told, John didn't think he was ready to tell Sam the whole story. "Now eat your salad, I made it all for you." Sam knew that statement was true. John hated salad.

Sam decided to let it go. Maybe someday his dad would start treating him his age and stop holding everything back. "So-"

_**RING RING!**_

"I'll get it," John said going into the kitchen. "Hello? Yes this John."This caused Sam to look over at his dad. "Um, ok I'll tell him. We'll be there tomorrow. Thanks bye."

"Was that Dr. Novak? What did he say? What did they find! Am I dying?"

"No Sam, calm down. That was Dr. Novak he said he wanted to talk to us tomorrow."

"Does that mean more tests?"

"I think so. All he said was that he wanted you in tomorrow for something called a bone marrow aspiration and a bone biopsy."

"I don't know what those are but, they sound painful." Both Sam and John made a mental note to look them both up.

***S*P*N***

"When will Dr. Novak be here?" Sam asked. Waiting in the hospital was very nerve wrecking. Sam and his father had waited for at least a half hour.

"Son, I don't know," John responded with. Sam was going to ask another question when Dr. Novak came into the room. John quickly got up to greet the doctor.

"I'm sorry to make you wait, I was double checking something," he told them.

Sam nervously laughed, "That doesn't sound good."

"How have you been feeling Sam?" he asked.

"Today or…?"

"These last few months," he prompted.

"Well fine until the last few weeks," he shrugged.

"Then how have you been feeling the last few weeks?"

"I don't know, I guess tired a lot," he responded.

"Is it correct that you've been having nosebleeds and bruising?" Sam nodded his head. "Do you think it's normal for a boy your age to be experiencing those so often?"

"Well, no but- I just have a cold and I bump into things a lot."

"The blood test revealed that your white blood count was extremely high. Now this can mean that you have some sort of infection, anemia or this could even be leukemia. Our job today is going to answer why your body is producing this much white blood cells. Is there anything that you need me to elaborate on?" Sam shook his head.

"Now hold up I have a question." Both Sam and Dr. Novak directed their attention to John. "You're saying that my son could have cancer? How could this have happened? John asked in disbelief. "Neither I nor his mom have ever had a history of cancer in our family."

"Leukemia doesn't have to run through the family for Sam to get it. It's also not out of the realm of possibilities but the high white blood cell count could also be related to an infection or anemia. Sam might very well not have leukemia. This could all be because of Sam's cold too. How long did you say you have been sick?"

"Um well it stated on a Tuesday… so about a week and a half, almost two weeks now," Sam admitted. Dr. Novak didn't respond but wrote something down on Sam's chart.

"And has this cold felt any better?" Sam shook his head. "We are going to be doing some tests today. Did your dad tell you what kind?"

"Yeah and I looked them up. There is no way in-"

"Sam I will give you 5 bucks if you don't finish that sentence."

"Deal," Sam agreed. He needed the money anyway. How bad could they be?

***S*P*N***

Sam held his hip as he walked through his front door. "Ouch… ahh…" He was in a lot of pain. "YOU OWE ME 30 BUCKS! That hurt like HELL!" Sam yelled back at his father who was behind him. John chuckled at Sam.

"10 and we have a deal," John negotiated.

"Whatever, I'm going to bed," Sam replied too tired to argue. Dr. Novak said that they would get the results in a few days anyway.

"Sam."

"Yeah dad?"

"Whatever happened, I'm positive we can get through it," John said. It was a very true statement, if it were good news then they could get through it and if the results were bad then they could handle it too.

"Thanks dad," Sam replied going into his bedroom. After he got ready for bed his phone started ringing, he answered.

"What did the doctors say?"

"Hey to you too," Sam said.

"Oh sorry hi, now can you tell me what the doc said?" Ruby asked frantically.

"Ok well…" Sam paused to gather words to describe his day and briefly wondered if he should tell her at all. Eventually, he decided to tell Ruby everything from what the doctors thought to the procedure he had to endure. He wasn't going to lie to his best friend.

"Wow, Sam that's a lot to deal with. You gonna be alright?"

"Well that's a loaded question…"

"I just want to let you know that I'll stick with you if it something bad, K?"

"Thanks Ruby."

"Welcome man."

***S*P*N***

When the phone had rung a few days later, John was the first to answer. Dr. Novak wanted them to come in as quickly as they could.

Sam's diagnosis was Leukemia, AML to be precise. Both John and Sam were devastated; the thought of Sam having cancer was an overwhelming feeling.

During the next few days Both Sam and John had gotten a tour of the clinic where Sam would receive his chemo and a central line was placed in his chest, so that chemo could be administered. Dr. Novak explained how to take care of the central line and about the side effects of chemotherapy like the nausea, vomiting, weakness and the possibility of hair loss. Sam cringed when Dr. Novak had told him, he loved having long hair.

Dr. Novak also mentioned that exercise, if Sam felt up to it, could make him feel better. He also gave Sam several pamphlets to read and explained his schedule. Sam would be having chemo 4 times a week outpatient and radiation once every other week for about 5 months then they would decide if he needed more radiation and chemo or not.

Since it was the week before his first chemo, his dad took him out for dinner to his favorite restaurant; Sam ate light because he was nervous.

"What's on your mind Sammy?" John asked. Sam had had his head leaning on his hand the whole evening.

Sam looked up from his unappetizing pasta. "I guess my new and exciting life next week," he said dejected. "And the start of all my Saturdays being wasted." John couldn't help but feel distress for him.

"I'm positive well get through this," John said as an encouragement.

"What did you say?" Sam said snapping out of his trace.

"I said I'm positive we can get through this."John could tell that his nerves were high.

"Me too dad…" Sam responded.

Later that night as Sam was getting ready for bed, he got a glimpse of his central line. It looked like a big mass of white because of the dressing. He touched the cover. It was bumpy. He had gotten a local anesthetic so he hadn't felt a thing but his doctor told him everything they were doing. The doctor had to put a needle in his chest and then feed a thin tube down one of his major blood vessels. The thought of any needle getting close to his chest, made him shudder. After the central line was installed, the doctors had to take blood and then an x-ray to make sure the line was in place and that it was working properly. Sam could feel the port, knew it was there without even touching it. This thing, this object that was supposedly 'supposed to help him' was now a part of him and with the port, he felt self-conscious and not himself and he hated it. He looked at it with disgust and finished getting ready for bed. His nightmare started soon.

***S*P*N***

**Review! I want to know how this is or no more story. It doesn't take long.**

**Okay this one was long mainly for the opening and mainly because I kind of had writing vomit :) I'll update when I can. Review! Please. You're opinion and you're critiques help.**

*****Next chapter Preview:**

"Hey kid, what's your deal?" Someone asked Sam. He was receiving his first chemo.

"My deal?" Sam asked. The person talking was a boy who looked to be in his teens. He was wearing a dark blue Led Zeppelin brimmed beanie, probably due to lack of hair.

"Yeah, as in why are you in this stupid place?"

"Leukemia, how about you, what's your deal?" Sam asked.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: see chapter 1 **

**I don't think I want to continue this story, but I'll see how the next couple chapters go**

*****thank you to AGoodOmen for editing this chapter!**

**Chapter 2 **

"Psst….psst Hey kid, what's your deal?" Someone asked Sam. He was receiving his first chemo.

"My deal?" Sam asked. The person talking was a boy who looked to be in his teens. He was wearing a dark blue Led Zeppelin brimmed beanie, probably due to lack of hair.

"Yeah, as in why are you in this stupid place?"

"Leukemia, how about you, what's your deal?" Sam questioned.

"Ewing's sarcoma," the boy responded. "I was actually wondering if you could pick up my hacky sack. I would pick it up but they just gave me a spinal tap, it hurt like hell. Name's Dean Campbell by the way. I would give you a hand shake but we're so far away..."

"I'm Sam Winchester, nice to meet you Dean," Sam introduced himself as he got up from his chair to go get the red hacky sack. As Sam got a closer look at Dean, he noticed the dark circles under Dean's green eyes and the way his cheeks sunk in a bit. He was also very pale and Sam noted that his eyebrows were also very thin.

"Don't worry, you won't look like this… until next week," Dean joked, snapping Sam out of his train of thought.

"Ha-ha, very funny," Sam said dryly.

"So, how long have you been coming here?" Dean asked. He hadn't seen him before.

"This is my first time actually, outpatient." Sam responded. Dean nodded understandingly; he had been in the same spot as Sam not too long ago.

"I usually get my chemo outpatient too. There's nothing like starting chemo at 8 o'clock in the morning huh? I was diagnosed last year by the way, December. It was a hell of a way to end the year. Merry Christmas oh and by the way you have cancer in your bones. Don't forget to have a Happy New Year. I found out during indoor winter lacrosse tryouts," Dean explained. "So if this is your first dose, then why isn't one of your parents with you?"

"Oh my dad is. He's just not here in this room but he's somewhere in this place. I just…"

"Didn't want him to see you if something went badly?" Sam nodded. "I understand. I didn't want my mom to be there for my first treatment either." Dean paused remembering how long it had taken him to convince his mother that he was old enough to sit through chemo by himself. He looked over at Sam. "Whoa ho-ho! Look what we have here!" Dean shouted as he caught sight of Sam's long brown hair. It was just touching his shoulders. Sam unconsciously touched his head. "Maybe you'll be lucky and keep it. If you're not lucky it'll probably start falling out the next few rounds of chemo," Dean smiled. He loved messing with the new cancer patients, especially ones with long hair.

"Shut up," To Sam, losing his hair would be the worst part of this whole ordeal and this Dean kid just had to keep making jokes about it.

Dean just continued, oblivious. "Maybe you should shave it off now. You know, to get the worst part out of the way?" Sam didn't say anything. "If not, the hair follicles are just going to dry out and-"

"Why do you have to be such a jerk?" Sam asked, cutting him off, slightly grossed out at what Dean had said.

"I'm not being a jerk, bitch," Dean joked.

"Whatever," Sam said rolling his eyes and sitting back down.

"So what meds are you on? How about your schedule?"

"Why do you have to know all this stuff?"

"Look, if we're going to be friends or outpatient 'buds', I have to know when you're going to be puking."

"Jerk."

"Bitch," Dean responded right back.

"I'm supposed to be taking something called Adriamycin-"

Dean cut him off. "Ouch, the red devil… my friend Garth was on that and he said that he pissed red for like 3 days."

"That's great…Who the hell names their kid Garth?" Sam asked trying to get away from the subject of his meds and urine.

"Apparently Garth's parents… so do you like have to take radiation? I know that some leukemia patients have to," Dean explained.

"Yeah actually, once every 2 weeks."

"Little advice, the worst part is the itching. Garth told me that he was itching in places you never-"

Sam looked at him expectantly. "You never what?"

"Nothing," Dean stifled a yawn. He had learned that Yawning was a good conversation diverter. The fact that he yawned wasn't a completely on purpose. Dean had gotten chemo the day before plus he was on 3 different types so needless to say, he was tired and feeling a little nauseated. "Hey, I'm going to take a power nap if you don't mind. I'm just kind of feeling a little sick," Dean admitted

"It was nice talking to you Dean," He heard no response and after a few minutes he concluded that Dean had already fallen asleep.

"It was nice talking to you too, bitch."

"Jerk," Sam smiled.

***S*P*N***

It had seemed like only a half an hour when Sam was woken up by the sound of retching. He followed the noise and saw Dean with his head in a blue-green basin.

"That's what you get for being a jerk," Sam said.

"Shut up, this might be you in-" Dean's sentence was cut short when he heaved again. Once he was finished he and washed his mouth out with water from the sink. Vomit was not a good taste. After that, he decided to call Lisa. Lisa Braeden was his girlfriend of 2 years. When she picked up, he felt his heart flutter. It was cheesy but it always happened. "Hey Lisa, how are you?" Dean asked.

"Hey Handsome, I'm doing alright, just getting ready to leave. How are you are doing?"

"Actually, not very well. I'm feeling a little sick," Dean admitted. He was sweaty and he felt shaky. Lisa was supposed to come over at 10 but Dean didn't want her seeing him like this. He rarely told Lisa how he really felt or when he had been sick because he cared about what she thought of him and he didn't want her to think of him as frail.

"I can come over a little later if you want…"

"Uh…How about tomorrow? You can come over to my house?" Dean suggested.

"Ok handsome, I'm look forward to seeing you tomorrow. I love you," Lisa said.

"I love you too, I'll see you tomorrow beautiful," Dean waited until Lisa hung up. He always did that in case she had something to say after they said their goodbyes.

"Wow, beautiful… what's her nickname for you, handsome?" Sam said with a laugh.

"Shut up," Dean said shaking his head to hide the blush on his face. This kid was too much.

"Wow it is, that's priceless… and it was just a guess too," Sam said seeing Dean's blush. "What time is it?" Sam asked rubbing his eyes.

"Its 9:30 and I bet you don't even have a girlfriend. What are you 10?"

"I'm not 10 I'm 15. Heck, the closest to a girl I get to is my best friend Ruby and she's more like a boy than anything else."

"Whatever, it's practically the same age. Have you told her yet?" Dean asked.

"I didn't want to tell her about the cancer at first but when I did, she told me that she would stick it out with me," Sam said looking away.

"Good job for telling the truth cause a piece of advice, girls hate it when you don't tell them something that you should have told them sooner. It's just holding out on the truth and that's worse that lying. For example, I didn't tell Lisa, She found out when we were making out…" Dean smirked at the thought of them making out. "Yeah that was some good times…as I was saying. We were making out and she ran her hand down my chest and she felt my port. It pretty much went downhill from there and we almost broke up. She was mad cause she found out a month into my treatment so she was really pissed off that I had held out on her so long. So telling ruby now was better than telling her later or in my case, having her find out."

Sam nodded at the advice. He didn't really know what to say to it all.

"If you're ever gonna get a girlfriend then you need to know how a chick works. I mean I may not know everything because it's impossible to know everything but, I know enough to get by. Hence the girlfriend," Dean told him.

"Thanks… what are you going to do today Dean-o?" Sam asked.

"Well first, you're never going to call me Dean-o again." Sam held his hands up in surrender. No one called Dean that except for parents. "I bet Garth will be leaving soon so I may hang out with him if I'm not already done. He's being treated for lung cancer. He likes to get his chemo and radiation earlier in the morning but his it always drags. His theory is that he won't be sick at night if he gets the chemo out of the way that morning. Don't ask me why. Personally I would rather have it at night. I like to sleep through that crap. Usually, he's in outpatient with me. You have to meet him sometime," Dean said as he faced the window trying to get some sleep. He hadn't gotten much sleep between the nausea and vomiting.

"You're going back to sleep? But you woke me up, what am I suppose to do?" Sam asked.

"The expert is supposed to take a nap while the newbie shuts his cakehole," Dean responded with. He reclined his chair and rested his head. Very little time had passed before Dean deduced that he was still very much awake. Dean had come to the conclusion that he wasn't going to be sleeping anytime soon. He turned back over to Sam who looked sweaty and a little pale. "You feel it yet Sammy?" Dean asked smiling.

"It's Sam and Feeling what? I'm _fine_," Sam said putting an emphasis on fine. Dean handed Sam a paper towel so that he could wipe the beads of sweat off his forehead.

"You'll feel better after you puke," Dean suggested. "I know throwing up isn't the greatest thing in the world but, I'm telling you, after you do it, you'll feel a hell of a lot better…"

"Dude, I'm not going to puke. Just drop it," Sam said getting annoyed, he hated throwing up.

"Oh man after all that throwing up, I'm kinda hungry," Sam glared at him. He knew what Dean was doing but Dean went on. "You know what I would kill for?"

"Don't you dare," Sam whispered trying to keep the nausea at bay, venom was oozing out of his voice.

Dean ignored him and continued "A nice big, thick, juicy burger. Not just any burger though. I want one with bacon on it but, not just any bacon, bacon that is so greasy… that it soaks the bread and drips-" on queue Sam grabbed his basin and threw his breakfast up.

"Damn… you," Sam said in between retches. Dean just chuckled.

"See I told you that you would feel better after you puked," Dean said after Sam was done.

"Shut up," Sam said. He ran his hands through his hair.

"So how do you feel?" Dean asked, seriously.

"Better than I did 20 min ago, why do you care?" Dean understood why he was snappy and let it go. Sam turned his head so he wasn't facing Dean and closed his eyes. He was out in less than 2 min.

***S*P*N***

"You can do way better Eric! Come on man. Nicole's not good for you!" He yelled at the TV. Dean was in the middle of watching days of our lives, it was a suspenseful episode. Everyone had left. He, Sam and an old woman remained.

"Knock; knock… hey Deano." He quickly changed the channel to the sports channel.

"Hey mom," Dean said as his mom Mary gave him a hug. She had just gotten back from her shift. She worked at Polk hospital, right by Dean's chemo clinic, as a delivery nurse.

"Are you hungry? I can go pick up a cheeseburger, your favorite…"

"I just puked. No thanks. I'm feeling kind of nauseous," Dean put his arm over his eyes.

"Wow, last week you were begging me for a cheeseburger at 2:00, in the morning."

"That's because I was on steroids," being on steroids had its ups…down… and downs. While on steroids, he had gained weight in his face, his stomach was sometimes upset and he was moody (at least he was told he was). But the good thing was that he could eat whatever he wanted to without puking his guts out. His mom and doctor made him wear a medical bracelet to let people know he was on steroids. He hated that bracelet and he was happy that he didn't have to wear it now.

"I know, I just thought you might want something. When's the last time you ate?"

"This morning mom," Dean said getting annoyed. That was Mary's queue to change the subject.

"You know, out of all the hats you have I hate that one the most," she admitted.

"How can you hate the Led Zeppelin hat?" Mary had gotten that hat for him when he was first losing his hair. He would wear it 24/7 if she would let him.

"Because it's old. I have nothing against Led Zeppelin but I have gotten you so many hats, why do you choose to wear this one?" Mary asked.

"What? Led Zeppelin is a classic!" Dean pleaded.

"Oh which reminds me, hand it over," Mary said with her hand out.

"Is this about days of our lives…?" oh no, she found the stash Dean thought.

"I knew you watched that show."

"Uh…No I don't… that shows dumb," Dean said looking away.

Mary shook her head "I was talking about your hat, smart one."

"Oh…Awkward... and I hate that show. I was just holding it for Lisa," Dean said with a nervous laugh. "Why do you need my hat anyway?"

"I need to wash it."

"Why does it need to be washed?"

"Because it has dead skin in it Dean. Hand it over," Dean handed her his hat. She had won, like always.

"Thank you. I'm going to take it home, wash it and I'll have it back to you before you know it." Mary then saw how dry the skin was on his scalp. She put his hat in her purse.

"Have you been putting ointment on?" She said feeling his bald head.

"Mom…" Dean said in embarrassment swatting her hand away.

"Oh relax. There's nobody listening. That boy over there and that woman look like they're passed out." Dean looked over at Sam who was indeed out of it. "So have you?" She asked again.

"Not today, no," Dean admitted. Mary immediately took the spare bottle of ointment she kept in her purse and rubbed it on Dean's head. Dean groaned in embarrassment. If Sam were to see this he would die, literally die, of laughter. He knew it was a bad idea _not_ to lie to his mom.

"Who keeps a spare bottle of ointment in their purse?"

"Mary Campbell, for times like this," Mary responded as she rubbing the last of the ointment into his dry scalp. She got another hat out and handed it to him.

Dean looked at the hat, "You couldn't have at least brought the AC/DC one or at least the other led zeppelin one?"

"Grandma got it for you, and besides, you love Metallica."

"Yeah but this one's not reversible," Dean whined. "I like variety…" Dean joked crossing his arms on his chest. Mary rolled her eyes and slipped on the hat for him.

"Did Lisa already leave?" Mary asked.

"No, I got sick so I called her and told her not to come."

Mary lifted his chin to get a better look at his face. Dean looked like he hadn't gotten any sleep. She also noticed that his face was looking a little more pale than usual. The bags under his eyes were looking a little bit better though. "Bummer, you look fine now." Dean pulled his face away.

"I remember when you used to tell dad that… he didn't look fine…" Dean said quietly and looked down at his hands. Mary was silent for a moment. It was true she did used to tell Dean's father, Trevor, that. His dad had died when Dean was 9 years old. "I'm sorry mom. I shouldn't have said anything… I don't know why I said that I just I-," Dean stuttered.

"No its ok baby, but you do look better though. You should call Lisa back," Mary said wrapping her arms around him. Dean was definitely not a momma's boy but his mom's long hugs made him feel better.

"I will, in a little bit."

"So who's your roommate over there? I've never seen him before," Mary stated.

"Oh his name's Sam Winchester. He's got it bad, leukemia." Dean said like he was gossiping.

"What do you mean he's got it bad? You have bone cancer! Probably the most painful one imaginable."

"Yeah but at least I don't have to get radiation," Dean said cringing.

Mary rolled her eyes, "You do have to get that…"

"Oh yeah…"

"How old is he?"

"15, I guess they start them off young," Dean commented.

Mary rolled her eyes again. She did a lot of eye rolling with Dean. "What do you mean young? You were only 16 when you found out."

Dean shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah… but he-he …" Mary raised her eyebrows at him expectantly as Dean stuttered. "Never mind, all I'm saying is that he's young and I wish I didn't have to meet him under these circumstances, he seems like a cool kid."

"Yeah I understand. Well, be nice to him," Mary said giving him the eye.

"What do you mean 'be nice'? Aren't I always?" Dean didn't tell her that he threw his hacky sack at Sam to get his attention.

"You're nice but you joke around a lot. Make sure he can handle your jokes, and they're not too harsh…"Mary warned him. Dean was sweet, once you got to know him. "Has his parents stopped by?"

"I haven't seen them but he did say that his dad was somewhere here."

"Ok well I'll have to meet Sam when he's coherent. I was going to go wash this hat and make lunch for Anna but do you want me to stay for a little while?"

"No, I think Garth might be here soon so maybe I'll talk to him or Sam, if he ever wakes up." Dean didn't like when his mom stayed with him. When she stayed, she didn't get any rest. From experience Dean knew what it was like to be sleep deprived and he didn't want his mom to suffer because of him. She had already been through enough.

"Anna really wanted to come but she's running a fever so she couldn't." Anna was Dean's sister. She had just turned 15 and was a cheerleader at his high school. Anna had red hair, something that Dean found hilarious given that all their family had brown or blond hair. She must have gotten it from her great granddad, what were the odds? Only Anna...

"Tell Anna that I hope she feels better. It sucks being sick, I would know."

"Ok, honey I'll tell her. I will be back with your homework in a little while," Mary said. Walking to the door, she bumped into someone. "Oh hello Lisa, Dean said you weren't coming."

"Oh hi Mary," Lisa said giving her a hug. "Well, he sounded bad over the phone. So I'd thought I come by to see how he was; or at least try to cheer him up."

"Well I wish I could stay but I have to go run and wash his Led Zeppelin hat," Lisa knew how much he liked that hat. "I put some ointment on his scalp so if he starts inching his head, don't let him."

"MOM!" Dean yelled out. Sometimes his mom was so embarrassing.

Lisa smiled, "I won't let him scratch it."

"And Dean? Behave," Mary said walking out.

"Hey handsome," Lisa said giving Dean a kiss on the cheek and wrapping her arms around him. Dean was getting hugs from the ladies like crazy. He, obviously, didn't mind.

"Lisa, I thought you weren't coming till tomorrow."

"I'm coming tomorrow too, don't worry. I just thought I'd stop by. You sounded like you needed a pick-me-up. I brought you something." Lisa pulled peanut M&Ms.

"Thank you so much beautiful." Peanut M&Ms were the only food Dean could eat when he felt nauseated.

"You're welcome." She grabbed a spare chair and took a seat.

"Ugh…I think I'm going to be sick," Sam said making a gagging sound.

"How long have you been awake for?"

"MOM!" Sam whined, mimicking Dean from earlier. Sam focused his attention on the brunette girl next to Dean. "Oh, so this is the legendary beautiful," Sam asked smiling at her nickname.

"Oh great, what did Lisa tell you? I'm Lisa Braeden nice to meet you and you are?"

"My names Sam, Sam Winchester but you can just call me Sam. I'm Dean's chemo buddy for today."

"More like a 'pain in the ass' buddy," Dean muttered.

"Dean, be nice." Dean muttered an apology. "Well it's very nice to meet you Sam. Do you want some peanut M&Ms? I'm sure Dean would be happy to share. Wouldn't you Dean?" Dean hugged his M&Ms like they were the last thing on earth.

"No thanks," he declined.

"Thank God," Dean said eating one. Lisa elbowed him in the side. "Ouch! Easy! I swear, this is considered abuse," Dean said rubbing his side.

"Oh stop being a baby. You know I love you." She caressed his face gently, loving the feeling of his skin.

"I'm going to be sick…" Sam gawked.

"Hey no permanently scaring my patient, Dean," Dr. Novak advise them walking in.

"It's not my fault that Lisa's an animal. Gosh Lisa." Dean smirked, he loved messing with Lisa.

"Hey Dr. Novak," Sam greeted.

"It looks like you guys are ready to be unhooked."

***S*P*N***

John should have seen the blond haired woman walking but he was preoccupied with finding Sam's room. "I'm really sorry I did not mean to that, I wasn't looking. Let me help you." John grabbed a few papers off the floor and a book and handed it to the woman.

"It's alright and thank you," the woman said trying to organize the papers in her hands. She smiled at him and started to walk away.

"Hey, do you happen to know where room 137 is?"

"Sure, I was actually going there myself. Follow me," the woman said walking ahead. "Names Mary by the way," she said after a moment of silence.

"John."

"I haven't seen you around here, are you new?" Mary asked pushing the bottom to the elevator. John looked at her for a second debating on whether or not to give her any more information than he had already given.

"Yeah, you could say that," John said with a sad smile.

"Well I've been coming here for a while and I'm just saying that I would remember a face like yours."

'_Is this woman flirting with me?_'He thought. '_Should I flirt back?'_ John hadn't been in a relationship for a long time, he didn't really know what to do. So he did what he always did in awkward situations, avoided them.

"So you said that you've been here for a while? Does that mean you have cancer?" John asked as the elevator dinged, indication that they should enter. They did so and Mary pressed 2 and the door closed. They were the only 2 on the elevator.

"Oh no, no my son does. I was just saying that I've met a lot of people here and you're not one of them is all."

"I'm… sorry for the assumption…I… yeah," he said nervously. If this woman was flirting with him earlier, she definitely wasn't now.

"It's alright. Who are you going to go meet?" once they got to the 2nd floor, they both got off.

"My son too, it's his first chemo."

"Wait, are you Sam's dad?"

"Yeah…"

"I know that because he's right next to my son Dean. You know what? You seem a little scatter brained."

"Thank you?" Mary used her free right hand and got out a sticky note and then a pen from her purse and started writing numbers on it.

"It wasn't supposed to be an insult, Sorry. But if you ever need help or someone to talk to, here's my number," Mary said handing the small blue paper to him. "Consider yourself lucky, I don't give my phone number to just anyone. Only the cute faces I don't remember. It's nice to meet you, John."

"Likewise," John said returning her handshake with a blush. Her hands were very soft.

Later that night, Sam had gotten sick again and spent the majority of the time on the bathroom floor and John was there behind the whole time rubbing his back.

"I'm tired," Sam said somnolently.

"You think you're ready to go to bed?"

"I think so." John insisted that Sam lean on him and they slowly made their way to Sam's room. Once Sam was settled, John quickly got a small trashcan to put next to Sam's bed.

"I'll be in my office if you need anything," John said quietly but Sam didn't respond. He was asleep. John pushed the few strands of hair from Sam's face. "Well get through this Sam, I promise. We have to."

***S*P*N***

**Review**

*****Next chapter Preview: **

"Where are we going first?" Sam asked as he too.

"We're going to go visit Mrs. Ballet," Dean responded with, like Sam was her best friend and by asking, he was asking the dumbest question in the universe.

"And who is this Mrs. Ballet?"

"This woman makes the best cookies in the world."

"And what if she doesn't have them?"

"Oh trust me, she does. She always, always, always has them on Saturday. Like there has literally never been a time she hasn't had them."

"What makes them so good?"

"Love…


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: chapter 1 I don't think I want to continue this… it's not so popular**

***** thanks to AGoodOmen for editing this chap and all the rest :) God bless your soul...**

**Chapter 3**

"You did what?"

"I finally asked Jessica out on a date," Sam responded. He had finally assembled enough courage to ask her. He'd been so nervous asking her but when he did, she had happily said yes and that she was glad he asked her. Summer had just started, He survived his first chemo, and he had made a friend in the weirdest time, he kind of felt invincible. The girl of his dreams, Jessica Moore, had actually talked to him on the last day of school. Even though she had only asked him to pick up the pencil that she had dropped, it meant the world to him. He hadn't told Ruby about it because she would have only rolled her eyes. Ruby had never really liked Jessica. Ruby and Sam were just getting back from their favorite ice cream shop, Sweet Thang.

"I can't believe you asked her out…when did this happen?"

"When you were in the bathroom…" Sam mumbled. He took another lick of his chocolate chip cookie dough ice-cream hoping that she hadn't heard him.

Ruby pursed her lips, reminding herself to hold back what she really wanted to say. "Where are you guys going?"

Sam could tell that Ruby was just being civil, knew that she didn't really care. She had hated Jessica since middle school. "Uh This Friday… maybe at Beau and Belle, the new cafe or we'll hang out at the park."Sam figured Friday would be the best day because it was a couple of days after his treatment and a day before his Saturday treatment.

"Wow fancy dinner…I'm impressed that's really classy Sam. Too bad Jessica isn't." Rudy smirked, satisfied with herself and licking her strawberry ice cream.

Sam didn't fail to notice the outright dig towards Jessica. After all, that was Ruby's specialty. "Come on Ruby, she's not that bad," Sam reasoned with her. "There's nothing wrong with her."

"Oh please Sam. There's so many things wrong with her."

"Name 3," Sam challenged her.

"Okay she's bratty, spoiled and super petty. You know what, I'll give you 3 more reasons! She's stupid, she a narcissist and an all around bitch."

"First, she's not bratty, spoiled or petty. Second, she's not stupid or a narcissist and third… bratty and spoiled mean practically the same thing. I bet if you would get to know her-"

"Don't even," Ruby spat. Out of all the girls that Sam could date, he had to choose Jessica. Sam didn't know anything about this girl and he was willing to go on a date with her blindly? Whatever Ruby told him about her, it seemed like he didn't want to believe her. Sam was so love sick that he was going to throw out all possible reasons that Ruby had just given him. That made her mad. He was her best friend; she didn't want him to get hurt.

"Why do you hate her so much?" Sam asked all of a sudden curious. He had never been told why. He had asked repeatedly but had never gotten an answer. It was always 'maybe later' or 'another time' first from his dad and now with Ruby. It seemed like he never got the answers he wanted.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"Ruby teased.

"Then as far as I'm concerned, she's never done anything to you. Nothing you say about her is even true." It made him furious that the two people closest to him were holding stuff back from him, he could handle it and it was about time they noticed. At least his doctor and Dean, who he had known for only a few weeks, were straight with him.

"Okay, thanks Sam for calling me a liar. You go off and date the bitch, I don't care. Just don't come crying to me when your heart is ripped out by the devil herself." Ruby snapped. She started to walk quickly to her house. It was only a few blocks away.

"Ruby wait!" She didn't even give him the courtesy of stopping; she just kept on walking away. "We're not finished with this!"

"As far as I'm concerned, I think we are," Ruby yelled back.

"Unbelievable…" Sam mumbled giving up. She just needed her space; she would be fine in a couple of days.

***S*P*N***

"So how did the first chemo week treat you?" Dean asked.

"Not well at all. Don't even remind me."

"I'm not saying you'll ever get used to chemo but you'll get used to a schedule. Okay kid even though we haven't been friends for a long while, I'm going to show you the ropes." Today was Wednesday, otherwise known as chemo day for Dean and Sam and Dean was determined to show Sam around the hospital today. After school, Sam had gone straight to the outpatient room where he Dean was receiving his chemo too. Sam was grateful that he had met a friend like Dean. He was someone who had experienced most of what Sam was going through so he was a good person for advice.

"You have glasses on… since when?" Sam noticed all of a sudden.

"Since like 2nd grade… why do I look stupid? Dean said all of a sudden self conscience.

"You always look stupid," Sam said light heartedly with a laugh. He was lucky to find a friend that he could joke with. Dean laughed dryly.

"Ha-ha so funny. Don't change the subject." Dean usually wore contacts but on those occasions when he was either too lazy or his eyes were irritated, he wore glasses. They were black rimmed and they were a little bit on the nerdy side, but they worked.

"I can't believe you called me friend." Sam placed his hand over his heart. "Dean, I feel so honored." Dean only rolled his eyes. "What do you mean by show me the ropes?" Sam asked apprehensively. Whatever Dean's plan was, it was surely to get them into a mess. Sam was determined to stay out of trouble because he was supposed to go out on a date with Jessica.

"You know the dos and don'ts, people and places of this clinic. I would show you around right now but were probably about to get hooked up soon. Once were hooked up, our tour will start." Just as Dean said that, a couple of nurses came in to hook them up and start them on, roughly, a 2 hour chemo drip. "Okay, so I figure that we have about a half hour before either one of us will start to feel weird so now's a good time to show you around." Dean stood up and took his chemo pole with him and indicated with a quick wave of his hand that Sam should follow his lead.

"Where are we going first?" Sam asked.

"We're going to go visit Mrs. Barnes," Dean responded as if Sam was asking the dumbest question in the universe.

"And who is this Mrs. Barnes?"

"This woman makes the best cookies in the world. She has brain cancer."

"Ouch… And what if she doesn't have them?"

"Oh trust me, she does. She always, always, always has them. Like there has literally never been a time she hasn't had them."

"What makes them so good?"

"Love… I'm just kidding. Well mostly… just forget I even said that, yes?" Sam nodded. "Okay so you know that bakery named Sticks and Stones pastries?"

"Yeah, yeah isn't their motto like sticks and stones may break your bones but cakes will never hurt you?"

"Yeah that's the one, pretty cool huh?"

"She owns it?!" Cancer definitely did not discriminate. What were the odds of a woman who owned a pastry shop being in the same clinic as Sam?

"Yup, her and her daughter Kelsey," Dean said as he turned to walk into a room. It occurred to Sam that they were in the radiology part of the clinic. "You have to meet her." As they walked in, Sam could see a woman who was most likely in her mid 30s. Her head was covered with a violet beanie that had a maroon flower on it and there was short brown hair peaking from under it. She was wearing a floral dress and was reading a book, probably to pass the time. "Hi Pamela."

She looked up at Dean and excitement flashed through her features. "Dean, it's good to see you. Well not good to see you here but you know." She stood up to hug him, careful of the wires leading to his chest.

"I understand. It's nice to see you too." Dean pointed over to Sam. "I would like you to meet Sam, Sam this is Mrs. Barnes."

"It's nice to meet you Mrs. Barnes," Sam said holding out his hand for a shake. Mrs. Barnes took Sam's hand.

"Call me Pamela. It's nice to meet you too Sam, wish we were meeting on better terms though."

"Me too," he responded sadly.

"So Dean what brings you here?" she asked but already knew the reason.

"Oh I just wanted to say hi…"

"And?"

"And? What do you mean and? Can't I just say hi to a friend?"

"Well I've never met a Dean Campbell who didn't like cookies…" She responded.

"I would never! I'm appalled that you would ever think that," Dean said putting his hand over his chest like he had been offended. She wasn't buying his act.

"I have the cookies. Made them for just you and make sure you give some to Sam and Garth too," she said getting out a white rounded container. It had her pastry's number and logo written on the top. She opened the container and Sam could automatically smell the sweet aroma of chocolate. "Are these the ones you like?"

Dean looked mesmerized by the round chocolate flecked cookies and his mouth looked like it would water at any second. He answered with a nod.

"Have the whole container." She said simply.

"Really?" Pamela had never given him the whole container before, granted he had never asked.

"Yeah sure, you can bring it back the next time you see me."

"Thanks Pamela. This means a lot to me."

"You guys need your strength, Even though cookies aren't the best for you." Pamela handed the cookies to Dean and he gratefully took them.

"You need you strength too you know," Dean reminded her.

"Oh please, you guys are the ones who are receiving chemo. I've got the easy stuff. Radiation is nothing,"Pamela humbly said.

"How about we all three get better, yes?"

"Deal," she and Sam both agreed. They talked for a few minutes until Pamela was called in to receive her radiation. They said their goodbyes and both Dean and Sam went back to their area.

"Want a cookie?" Dean asked Sam. Sam had been quiet ever since he had met Pamela. Dean knew what was up but just wanted to mess with him.

Sam leaned back in his chair and rubbed his face. The meds were starting to kick in. "no man. Maybe I'll have one later." Sam groaned inwardly.

"Well suit yourself," Taking a bite himself. "You sure Sam?"

"Don't even talk to me right now," Sam said trying to keep the nausea at bay.

"You're such a jerk Dean…" a boy said. He was very skinny and had brown hair, not longer than Sam's but a pretty good length. Finally, someone was standing up for him, Sam thought. "You didn't even offer me one!" or not…

Dean looked at Sam and laughed. "Hey Garth, I didn't think you would be here yet." Garth and he had been friends since sophomore year in high school, when Garth was diagnosed too.

"Yeah I came when you were apparently visiting Pamela, without me." Garth was only pulling Dean's leg. He honestly didn't care. He just wanted a cookie.

"Sorry 'bout that man. You weren't here, I wanted cookies and I wanted to show Sam around. Speaking of which, this is Sam by the way." Dean motioned to the left with his head to where Sam was seating. He still had his hands over his face seeming to block out the world.

"Sup I'm Garth."

"Hey Garth. What are you in for?"

"Lung cancer. You?"

"Acute myeloid leukemia."

"That sucks, cancers a bitch…" Garth said grabbing a cookie.

"I have a question," Sam said once the nausea spell was over.

"Alright, ask away," Dean said munching away on a cookie.

"I'm going on a date and I want to know how to hide my port."

Dean nodded and bit his lip as he contemplating the question. "Well if you're going the casual route, like tee-shirt then just wear an undershirt and maybe a jacket over that shirt if you still think you see it. If you're going the formal route then wear the undershirt. Hope that helped."

"Dude that is about the best advice," Garth interjected.

"I bandage mine down and I still see it though."

"If Ruby knows about your cancer then why do you need to hide the port?" Dean asked.

"Oh it's not Ruby I'm taking out on a date, gross… she's my best friend. She's like one of the guys. It's this girl named Jessica. And she doesn't know yet. "

"It's no big deal. Once Jessica knows then, she'll be fine with it I'm sure. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Nobody notices it anyway."

"How can that be true? I see it 24/7."

"Yeah but you know it's there and what it's for. It's different. I asked Lisa if she could see it through my shirt and she said she couldn't. Can you see garths through his shirt? How about mine?" Dean said, trying to make a point. Sam shook his head no and laid his head back so that he was leaning on the back of his chair. Dean, knowing it had taken him a while for him to start coping with changes to his body, decided to let it go for now. The kid looked spent. "I think you should come to our support group."

"The hell I will," Sam said suddenly feeling alert.

"Okay, I didn't want to go at first-"

"His mom had to literally drag him. I'm telling you man, I swear there was nail marks on the sides of the door," Garth joked.

"You go too?" Sam asked.

"Yeah I'm the one that invited Dean in the first place." Garth looked over at Dean. "you can thank me at anytime."

"Thanks, Garth," Dean growled. "As I was saying, the support grouped helped a lot."

"If Dean is telling you this, you should listen. He doesn't do bullshit and I've known Dean for a long time." Dean looked over at Sam.

"Basically what he said. All they do is talk about the week prior and stuff… I know it says incredibly chick- flicky but it does help."

"I think the main reason it helps is because you're in a room with all these people that have experienced the same things you have so there's more confidence." Garth said expanded on the topic.

"So maybe you'll consider it? Its once a week on Wednesdays at 5:00 sharp," Dean pleaded.

"I'll think about it…"

***S*P*N***

Friday came quicker than Sam expected. Even though he had had his chemo a couple of days prior, he still didn't feel his best. He hoped that it would pass and that he could go on through his day. The plan was for Jessica to meet him at the park at noon till about 2. This park had everything from, ice cream shops to little cafes to little shops. He decided that the park would be more spontaneous than a boring dinner. At the park, he wouldn't feel as nervous because the attention wouldn't be on just him, there was plenty to do. Ruby still hadn't talked to him and it started to affect him. He missed his best friend. He made a mental note to call her. To get his mind off of Ruby, he decided to get out of bed and take a shower. As he was shedding his clothes, he looked at his body. Even though it had been a month after starting chemo, he could see the effects already. He could tell a bit of a difference in his face, it had become slimmer. Sam had always been thin but now he could see a few of his ribs, they were more defined and the sight scared him. If this was what happened in a month, what would it be like in three months or five?

After his shower, he redressed his port and got dressed in jeans and a green plaid shirt. His dad was working from home again, so He decided to have some toast and call Ruby. The 3 rings that he heard felt like 100 and with each ring, he felt more nervous.

"What do you want?" Ruby answered harshly. She was still mad, Sam could tell.

"Uh… I wanted to see how you've been…I-I haven't talk to you in forever."

"It's been 3 days."

"Exactly 3 days! That's a lot of days not to talk to my best friend… I'm sorry that I called you a liar."

"It's ok," Ruby responded.

"No its not and I'm sorry for what I said. I don't think you're a liar at all, you're a very truthful person."

"Thank you. And I'm sorry for saying all those bad things about Jessica even though I really think that."

Sam rolled his eyes. "I'm rolling my eyes at you…"

"Good that means I'm doing my job. Hey how did chemo go yesterday? Did it kick you in the butt?"

"It went good. Dean and I got free cookies. And I kind of feel crappy right now."

"It's okay; I bet it'll pass before your date tonight."

"Thanks."

"Hey I have to go, mom thought it would be a good idea to visit my crazy grandma and it looks like we just got here… wish me luck."

"Luck!"

"Good luck on your date."

"Thank you." Sam said as he hung up

***S*P*N***

"I promise I don't see anything," John said as he tried to reassure his son. Sam had been trying to find ways to cover his port. John kept telling Sam the same thing that it was invisible, but Sam was being stubborn and paranoid.

"I bet you can see it… I'm going to try on the dark blue one." When Sam came back with the blue one, he smiled at himself in the mirror. The plaid short sleeved button up was perfect.

"Perfect," Sam said satisfied.

"Sam, your nose is bleeding."John noticed as he saw the red liquid coming out of his nose, Sam immediately but his hands on his nose. "Here, put you head forward. Here's some tissues." Sam quickly replaced his hand with the wad of tissues. There was blood seeping through his fingers.

"Seriously, right before my date?"

"Sorry Sammy. I guess your nose had a mind of its own," John said tying to cheer him up. He didn't laugh.

"What time is it?"Sam asked frantically.

"Uh… 11:21 now. It's okay Sammy. We'll get this under control. 5 minutes tops." How wrong John was. It took them a little over 15 minutes to stop the bleeding. By the time whole ordeal was over, it was 11:46 and time to go.

"Okay dad, I have to go."

"Okay, stay safe. What's my motto?"

"I know dad. When in doubt do without," Sam repeated almost robotically. He rolled his eyes, it seemed like whenever Sam left for anything other than school, he always had to say it.

"Good. Have a great time Sammy. Call me if you need ANYTHING."

"Okay I will," He said leaving. Since the park was about 5 minutes away, he just walked. When he got there he decided to sit on a bench close to his favorite ice-cream place. Fast walking had made him a little out of breath.

"Hey Sam," Jessica greeted. He quickly stood up. Jessica looked really pretty. She was dressed in a dark blue and orange flowery loose shirt with dark jean shorts and brown flip-flops. Her hair was in a relaxed bun but she still looked beautiful. She had on a light amount of makeup, which Sam didn't think she even needed, and to finish off her look, a matching brown bag.

"Hey Jessica," he looked at his watch, it was exactly 12 o'clock. "You're right on time."

"Well I didn't want to keep you waiting," She said with a smile. "So what did you have in mind that we do today?"

"Well I thought we could go walk around for a few then maybe get something to eat at the cafe then finish off with ice cream?"

"That sounds good to me," she said as she started walking. "So what have you been up to this summer?"

"Been hanging out with my dad. Uh… not really anything." Sam had felt guilty about lying to her, but he wasn't ready to tell her about his condition yet. "How about you, what have you been up to?"

"Same situation as you. I mean I've been to some amusement parks with my friends but nothing really, you know, worth wild. My family's supposed to go to California in about a week so hopefully that goes well. They can get annoying sometimes, but I love them."

"I totally get what you mean. My dad may annoy me but I definitely can't live without him."

"So do you miss school yet?" Jessica asked. "I hate to say this but haven't you always been like really good at school?"

"You think I'm a nerd don't you?" Sam said light heartedly. Jessica laughed. It made Sam happy that he could just make her laugh like that.

"Well no but you got to admit you like school," she said through giggles.

"No I hate that place. My theory why everyone thinks I'm so smart is… are you ready… I have 2 brains."

"That's just dumb," Jessica said amused.

"No just think about it, my brains so big, my forehead has to compensate for it see," Sam said pointing to his forehead.

Jessica busted out laughing. "Sam, you are too much…"

***S*P*N***

After they had eaten at the café, they decided to get ice cream. Jessica got a mint chip cone while Sam got his favorite, chocolate chip cookie dough. It was almost 2. Their date was almost over. Jessica said her dad would be there at 2, and it was 1:50. The date had gone great, both Jessica and Sam were satisfied with it. They had learned a lot about each other and the date wasn't awkward at all. Jessica was very easy to talk to. Sam didn't want to ruin anything but, before they went on, he had to tell her about the cancer. He owed her the truth since she had been so truthful with him.

"Why did you agree to go out on a date with me?"

"Because, you are the first person in a long time to ask me out on a real date. Most guys are looking for a good time or whatever and I'm not like that. You asked me respectfully," Jessica responded truthfully without skipping a beat.

Sam smiled at her response. "I have a confession to make. Do you know anything about cancer?"

"Um… I read a book once. I think it was called my sisters keeper or something like that… but other than that not really. Don't they go through like chemotherapy and lose their hair? Why are you asking?" Jessica asked

"I lied about saying I hadn't really done anything this summer. The truth is, I have cancer and have been receiving chemo therapy for about a month now. I'm sorry I didn't tell you… I just didn't want you to think of me as a freak."

"I don't think of you as a freak Sam. Can you explain chemo to me?" Jessica asked. Sam was reluctant but started talking to her anyway. He told her about diagnosis, the port and chemo in general. When he was finished, she took a deep breath. "Sam… this is just way too much to process. So are you gonna die."

"That's not the plan but it could always happen but death could happen to anyone. If you would have known beforehand, would you have gone on this date with me?"

"I honestly don't know… I would love to be friends with you but I don't think this relationship will go any further. I'm sorry Sam."

"No I understand, I hold nothing against you," Sam said trying to hide the hurt that he felt. "I had a really good time today."

"Me too. I'm glad I went today. Hey, are you still friends with Ruby?"

"Of course I am. She's my best friend."

"Can you tell her that I'm sorry?"

"What exactly did you do to her to make her hate you that bad?"

"Well in middle school, I spread a secret I shouldn't have and that wasn't true."

"And the fake secret was?"

"I told everybody that she was cutting herself."

"I had no idea… she has never told me why. Or anybody else for that matter. Why would you do that? You guys used to be friends."

"Truth was I was a real bitch and I'll be the first one to admit it. Nobody believed her either because she had scrapped her wrists as an accident prior, I set her up and I know that. She had to go to the counselor and everything. Looking back, I feel terrible."

"How about you tell her that? What's the worst case scenario?"

"She ignores me and starts spreading rumors about me."

"And what if she doesn't?"

***S*P*N***

**Long chapter. Foreigner- I want to know what love is! Classic**

*****Next chapter Preview:**

"The sensor on your robot isn't hooked up right, that's why the signal wasn't reaching." Ruby moved some wires around and the robots eyes lit up with life.

"The hell… I have been working on this for a month trying to get it to work and you take 5 minutes and you get it like that? What the hell!" Sam said.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**** on chapter 1: dont own supernatural**

***** Thanks to AGoodOmen for beta-ing!**

**Chapter 4**

Sam looked at the building in front of him. "I can't believe I agreed to this," Sam murmured. Well, actually, his dad made him go. He hadn't really argued, his dad had put up a good one-sided fight saying that it would benefit him and help him more than John could himself.

"Mary mentioned the support group. I think this will be good for you. Are you sure you don't want me to go in with you?"

"I'll be fine dad," Sam said glibly. Ever since Sam's diagnosis, he had been pushing John away. John didn't know if it was the recent diagnosis of his cancer or the fact that he was almost 16 that made him want to grow up faster. John understood, Sam wanted to be more independent. "Why don't you go to Bobby's and have some guy time."

"I have that 24/7…"

"Then go have grown up old man time," Sam teased.

"Very funny. Well, have a good time Sam. I'll pick you up in an hour."

"Okay dad," Sam drew out. He got out of the car and watched his dad drive away. Sam turned back to the building where the support group was supposed to be held. It was located at an elementary school.

"Glad you could make it!" Sam looked behind him and saw Garth walking up. He was wearing a plain black t-shirt and light blue jeans.

"Oh yeah… I guess…"

"Well what're you waiting for? Let's head in," Garth said as he opened the door and they began to walk down a narrow hall. "So when we get in there, everyone's gonna want to know the type of cancer you have, and when you were diagnosed. Our group has a lot of curious people, if you get what I'm saying…Mrs. Schwann is a psychologist and might ask you some more questions but don't worry, they won't be anything that will embarrass you, she's pretty good at reading peoples body language. The questions won't be anything that you can't handle and I'm fairly sure they won't make you feel embarrassed. Like I said, she's a Psychologist." Finally Garth stopped at a double door. From what Sam could see through the thin rectangular windows, there were about 15 to 18 people in the room. The majority looked to be in their teens while the rest looked like kids.

"Where's Dean?"

"Oh he should be in there already. If I knew you were coming, I would've offered you a ride or Dean might've. You ready?" Sam nodded and Garth opened the door. As soon as they walked in, Sam felt like all eyes were on him. He muttered a 'hi' and everyone kind of went back to their conversations with their friends. "Don't worry, that was just the initial reaction to the door opening… and the fact that you're a fresh face."

"Hey Sam, glad you're her," Dean greeted with a pat to Sam's shoulder. He had on the same Led Zeppelin beanie that he had worn the first time they had met. "How did that date go?"

"Eh… not so great. I told her about my condition and I guess she just got overwhelmed. But hey, at least I made a new friend," he shrugged.

"Ah… well like they always say, there's always more shells in the sea… or something like that…"

Garth shook his head slowly and rolled his eyes. "You've gotta excuse my friend… he's not right in the head."

"Shut up Garth. Well, you get the idea."

"So when are we supposed to start?"

Garth looked at his watch. "It usually starts at 5. Its 5:03 so they should be-"

"Okay everyone, were starting," A woman with blond hair said.

"Take a seat wherever," A man with red hair added. Everyone started to shuffle, walk, wheel, and limp to a seat. Sam followed Dean and Garth and sat between them. When he looked closely at the two group leaders, Sam realized that they were twins. Fraternal obviously but they had the same features.

"My name's Ezra," the redhead one said. "Welcome to our cancer support groups. For ones that do not know us, or hadn't figured it out already, were twins. Spoil alert, Katie is actually a ginger, just like me," Ezra joked. Katie slugged him in the arm.

"Hello everyone, my name is Katie," the blond one introduced. "At the age of 19, I was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer and was on chemo for about 10 months and was said to be in remission when I was 20 and have been ever since. I'm a Psychologist at the Lawrence hospital for cancer patients and I also do grief counseling and my brother's a doctor at the same place. Ezra a doctor? Yeah I know, it's crazy."

The other twin cut in. "Thanks for that… Well we obviously can't get enough of each other because we actually married siblings. Not twins. That would just be going overboard." There were a few laughs in the room. "We're here to help you because when my sister was dealing with this, I think what helped our family a lot were the support groups that were available and knowing that both she and I weren't in this all alone. I hope that we can help. Sorry the introduction was so long but we have some new faces today so we're just going to go around and say your name, age, something about you and if you want to share, the type of cancer you hope to get rid of."

"I'll start, my name's Katie, and I'm currently… years old and I have a husband and baby boy named Charlie and I got rid of my thyroid cancer," She finished.

"I'm Ezra, I'm the same age as Katie. My wife and I have a baby coming along the way. She's due in a few weeks, so I'm pretty excited." The line moved on to boys, girls, teens and even kids. There were people who had Osteosarcoma, breast cancer, liver cancer, pancreatic cancer, and different types of leukemia, brain cancer and many more. When it got to Garth, he motioned to his lungs and told everyone about his cancer, that he was 17 and that he had a dog named Toby. Sam had known what he was going to say but when it got to him, he spaced out.

"Um…uh… well my name is Sam, I'm… currently 15, and I have AML and… I love chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream," Sam finished. After that it went on to Dean.

"My name's Dean, I'm 17, I have Ewing's sarcoma and I have had a girlfriend for 2 years." Dean was the 2nd to the last one, but the little boy who was supposed to go next was too shy.

"Okay thank you everyone. Today we have nothing to really push towards so it's going to be a lazy session. Does anyone have a story to tell?" Katie asked. A small hand rose up. It belonged to a girl named was Mayson. She was 15 like Sam. "Mayson, you can go ahead, I know you have something to tell everyone," Ezra encouraged.

Mayson smoothed down her dirty blond curls before speaking. "Okay so this week, my tests results came back and the doctors said that there is no more cancer in my bones so I'm officially in remission and…" she lifted up her pant leg. "I got my new prosthetic leg last week so that's good. The other one was a pain. This one should be the last one since I don't think I'm growing anymore."

Cries of 'congratulations' and clapping went around the room. Sam didn't know what to do, since he didn't really know her that well, so he opted to just clap.

***S*P*N***

"Hope you didn't mind but, I invited some friends over," Bobby said when John arrived.

"I don't mind. Where is everyone?"

"Some of them are out on the back patio. Mary's back there too if you wanted to know," Bobby nudged.

"Why would I want to know that?" John asked. He wished he never told Bobby about Mary. He hadn't realized that Mary was his sister. The main reason being that Bobby had never told him. Plus they didn't look alike nor did they have the same last names.

"Come on John, I can see the way you look at her." To Bobby, they were the perfect match; each one had been through hard ships and was each starting to heal. Not to mentioned that both their sons were suffering from cancer.

"Mary and I are just friends you know? We're going through the same things right now. That's it," John said, trying to make himself as clear as possible. He and Mary were just friends.

"Well if you like my sister, that's okay because sooner or later you're going to have to move on. Preferably the former," Bobby said giving him a beer from the refrigerator.

"Thanks Bobby," he said taking a sip of his bear. "What the hell is this?!" John said noticing the different taste, it wasn't the usual.

"Relax it's just light," Bobby said. He had actually used half of the beer to mix it with tea and make it look full. "Now I don't want no accidents or any of my friends dead."

"But Bobby-"

"You're just gonna have to deal with it," Bobby finished, walking away. After that, John decided to go to the back patio.

"John? I didn't know you would be here," a woman said behind him. He turned around to see that it was Mary.

"Hey. This was a last minute thing. I dropped Sam off at the support group."

"I think he'll love it. Dean didn't even want to hear anything about it at first and when he went for the first time, he hated it. I made him go 3 times and by the 3rd time he started to warm up to it. Dean doesn't really like to quote 'share his feelings with anyone, besides his closest family…sometimes but he really likes his group. How are you and Sam doing by the way?"

"Uh, well… we could be better. He's been distant lately, I don't know. He's usually very talkative but now… he's not really saying much these days. Now I don't know how he's feeling the majority of the time."

Mary thought about the situation before she spoke. "Well it seems to me that he just needs his space. Dean isn't a talker; he's actually the exact opposite of Sam. He's very quiet when he's sick, hurting or scared. He bottles up all of his emotions and lets them out every so often so that's why I rely on his body language and actions. Like when he's in pain, he's very fidgety, when he's feeling sick he'll go to his room and stay there all night and when his mind in on something else his eyebrows will crease or he'll stare at his hands or even the floor. Maybe you should start learning different ways to figure Sam out."

"How do you know all of this?"

"Well, I've dealt with this for a while now, plus my husband and now my son both had to deal with the same disease and I'm a nurse so I'm better equipped to deal with surprises like this. But to tell you the truth, nothing prepares you for cancer. One day it just comes, reeks havoc and sometimes it's a permanent resident and most of the time it leaves but occasionally after that, it decides to come back for another visit because it didn't have enough fun the first time around. You're one of the strongest people I know. I know you can do this."

"Then why do I feel like I'm never doing anything right?"

"I think we all know that feeling at one time or another," Mary simply said. "It'll pass; just give Sam some time to adjust."

***S*P*N***

"So how was it?" John asked Sam. They were almost home.

"Dad, did you have a beer?"

"Yeah but I promise you, I went straight to Bobby's so it's been an hour. I would never do anything to put you in any danger," John finished with.

_Bobby is looking out for the both of us._ "The support group was actually really fun and encouraging. We had twins for our group leaders. Their names were Katie and Ezra. They were pretty good. One's a doctor and the other one is a psychologist."

"What did you guys talk about?"

"We just talked about diagnosis, side effects of chemo, and what we were doing for the summer." Sam decided to leave one question that Ezra asked and that was 'what were you thinking and what did you want to do when you were diagnosed?' Sam didn't want to tell his father because what he wanted to do and what he was thinking were built on pure rage. He wanted to blame his father, himself and even his mother Imogen. She had left both him and his dad when Sam was 3 months old. In Sam's mind, One day she just snapped and didn't want anything to do with either one of them. If his mom had never left then his dad wouldn't have been all alone through this whole mess and who knows, maybe if the fates were changed, Sam wouldn't have been diagnosed with leukemia.

"Earth to Sam," John said snapping his free hand at Sam.

"Uh yeah?"

"We're home. You tired?" John asked concerned. Sam had just blanked out.

"Uh no. I was just thinking. What did you say?"

"I asked if you were hungry," he asked again

"I'm fine," Sam answered.

"The doctors said to keep you weight up and-"

"I know dad. I don't need you breathing down my neck every 5 seconds," Sam said getting out of the car. Before John could say his name, he was already inside. When John got inside, Sam wasn't in the living room so he assumed that Sam was in his room.

He walked into Sam's room. "Samuel Blake Winchester, how about you rephrase the last 5 seconds?"

"Sorry sir," he apologized.

"I am tired of you thinking that you can just walk all over me like that. I know I've been slacking and I know you're sick but I need respect damn it!"

"I'm sorry dad. I didn't mean what I said." Sam didn't know why he kept snapping at his dad but he knew that it had to stop and that the only reason his dad had let some of his attitude slide was because he was sick.

"It's alright Sammy. Look, I promised you that we would get through this and we will but you've gotten let me help you. I'm your dad and I have been preparing for you and protecting you ever since I learnt that there was ever going to be a Sam."

"I understand," Sam said sheepishly, head down.

"I'm going to see what I can make for dinner." John patted his son on the shoulder. It was his way of saying that he loved him.

***S*P*N***

"You know who just contacted me?" Ruby said as she closed the Winchester's door behind her.

"I don't know Ruby, who?" Sam said. He was in the process of trying to fix a robot for this competition that was held every year in May, so he wasn't really paying attention. He had almost had it finished when Ruby had barged into his house. He didn't even have to look up when she approached.

"Jessica. I don't even know how she got my number but she 'apologized'."

"Hm…"

"I don't believe her. I know she's trying to pull some trick! I just know it," Ruby accused.

"Totally."

"Are you even listening to me?"

Sam stopped what he was doing in annoyance and turned to face her. "What do you want me to say Ruby? That I hate her too and what she says isn't the truth? Maybe she honestly wants a clean the slate."

"Then how come it's taken her 4 years to do so? Huh?"

"Did it ever occur to you that you may be a little intimidated? She told me that she was afraid that you might ignore her if she called."

"Well she's not wrong," Ruby said raising her eyebrows and tilting her head to the side. "I would have ignored her at the library too if she hadn't of talked so much. I swear it was like never ending word vomit." Sam grinned and shook his head.

"Well I'm glad you listened to her at least. I honestly think that she wants to truly start over. She admitted that she was a bitch and that she played a bitch move. I know you're not heartless. And I know that you'll probably punch me for saying this but, you are one of the nicest people I've ever met. Just give it a try."

"Shut up…" Ruby said lightly tapping him on the shoulder. Sam smiled, he knew her so well. "If you honestly think I should, I guess I can give her another shot."

"Good I'm glad," Sam said going back to his robot.

"Oh and the sensor on your robot isn't hooked up right, that's why the signal wasn't reaching." Ruby moved some wires around and the robots eyes lit up with life.

"The hell… I have been working on this for a month trying to get it to work and you look at it for 2 minutes and you get it like that? What the hell!?" Sam said with both amazement and annoyance. "Why aren't you in this robotics competition? You could beat everyone."

"Because that would make me a nerd."

"I think you already are one."

***S*P*N***

**I have no clue about robotics. Yeah I tweak the sneak peeks. Sue me.**

*****Next chapter Preview: **

"Dean, you alright?"

"No…" he answered. Allen could see the pain etched on Dean's features.

"Kristan, call 911," he ordered then turned back to dean.

"What hurts?" He asked frantically.

"Uh…. my hip….my hip hurts."

"Okay take it easy, paramedics are on their way."


	5. Chapter 5

**Fixed the Amelia mistake. It's Pamela. **

****Thanks to AGoodOmen for your edits. **

**Chapter 5**

"Okay, see what you're doing there?" Dean asked noticing what Sam was doing.

"What exactly am I doing?" Sam said scratching at his scalp. It had been itchy like crazy for a few days now but today it was the worst it had been.

"The scratching. That's gonna make your hair fall out quicker." Sam automatically stopped scratching. "The itching is a sign that that 'luscious long hair' of yours ain't gonna last long."

"No it doesn't," Sam argued as his face turned flush.

"If it's not then, why did I go through the same thing? As much as you're in denial, it's happening."

"Just shut up." Sam turned redder but Dean kept going.

"I know it sounds scary and it's something you definitely don't want to go through but you don't need to be angry. Hair, hair will grow back."

"Look I don't want to talk about it. Let's just talk about something else."

"Ok man, I'll stop."

"Just this once, amuse me."

"Well, how about the time I was diagnosed. Just for that little comment there, I hope to literally bore you to death."

_*****************FLASHBACK*****************_

This was it, the last day of lacrosse tryouts. 16 year old Dean Campbell and his friend Andrew Gallagher had just finished their warm-up and were now getting in their gear when Dean felt a wave of excruciating pain in his right hip. He didn't really think anything about it since he had been feeling it for about a month but the last couple of days it had been getting worse. He figured he would have it checked out after he was on the team. Dean didn't want to jinx anything but he could tell that coach Krypton admired him a lot and that he was a shoe-in. He automatically gripped his hip to ease the pain, something he had been doing ever since the pain started. It rarely helped though.

"Now, what's got your chains in a bunch?" Andrew asked, his Texas accent coming out. His family had moved to Kansas when he was 8 years old but the accent was definitely still present.

"Nothing man, my hip just hurts. Maybe I did something to it at yesterday's practice," he lied. He was fine. He told himself that he would go to the doctor's after today, the end of tryouts, or tell his mom about the pain and everything would be fine.

"You gonna be alright?"

"Yeah, Of course I'll be fine." Dean crossed his arms over his chest. "Hey what do you think about that coach?"

"Coach Krypton?" Andrew scoffed. "Well I think he's crazy and that his last name sounds like something from one of those comics."

"Well think what you want but I think you and I are shoe-ins."

Andrews' shoulders slumped. "Awe dean, why'd you have to jinx us? Now we're never gunna-"

"Hey Campbell, try not to drop the ball this time. I actually want to win." Dean didn't have to turn his head. He knew who it was, Michael Wheeler. He and Dean had never been friends. The pain in his hip had reduced so he could sit up straight now.

"I'll try, if you try not to be too clumsy and bump into me Wheeler." Michael was about to say something but their coach blew the whistle.

"I wouldn't worry, he's all hat and no cattle."

"Ah... thanks for that Andrew…"

"Nah man, you don't have to thank me," Andrew said oblivious to Dean's sarcasm.

"Everyone gather around," the coach shouted. "This is it, the last scrimmage for indoor lacrosse tryouts. You guys have been working very hard in preparation for this day. I dont know if you can do it but I guess we'll find out. The scrimmage will be divided in teams of 4 with 9 players each. We'll have 3 games. I will switch you guys up on the second and last games. Now go kick some LAX!" The coach finished. The whole team shouted roaring with adrenalin and rushed to the field.

About 15 minutes into the 3rd game, Dean's hip pain started again, like he thought it would, and he was miserable. 'Come on Dean, a couple more goals and then you can go home. You can do this.' Since Andrew had been put on his team, the plan was that Andrew was going to pass it to him and he was going to make a run for it. Once the whistle blew, Dean got into position and Andrew passed the ball to him. Dean's attention was directed on the ball so he didn't see the 6 foot 200 pound player coming right for him. All a sudden Dean felt his whole body being hurdle backwards. He heard a whistle and everyone was around him in a fraction of a second.

"Get out of the way!" The couch yelled. "Campbell, you okay?"

It took Dean a moment to answer. He could feel his hip pain getting worse but he tried to ignore it. "Yeah couch, I'm fine." On the okay, his couch gave helped him up.

"Do you need a minute?"

"Nah I'm good," Dean said brushing himself off.

"Okay then, RESUME GAME!"

After another 15 minutes, the game was over. Dean's team had won the scrimmage. As he was walking off the field, the familiar pain in his hip took his breath away and he kneeled in the grass clutching his hip.

Couch Allen Krypton had been talking to his assistant coach when he saw Dean fall down holding his hip. When he didn't get up, the 2 couches both rushed over to him. "Dean, you alright?"

"No…" he answered. Allen could see the pain etched on Dean's features.

"Kristan, call 911," he ordered then turned back to Dean.

"What hurts?" He asked frantically.

"Uh…. my hip….my hip hurts."

"Okay take it easy, paramedics are on their way."

When Dean had arrived at the hospital, his mother was already there with Anna. The school had contacted them. Dean was put into a room and even though he was given pain killers, the pain still hadn't settled. Dr. Novak came in to ask him a few questions afterwards and asked that both his mom and Anna leave the room. During his career in the medical field, he had learned that patients tended to be more truthful when their family wasn't in the room.

"So what happened on the field? The coach said that you just collapsed."

"I don't know, I guess the pain in my hip just got really bad this time."

"Let's go ahead and talk about the pain in your hip… you say it like it's happened before or that it's continuous. How long have you had this pain for?" Dean was quiet. "It's okay Dean, you can tell me. You won't get into trouble, I promise. I just want to know so we can provide the best care."

"...Uh the pain?" Dr. Novak nodded. "It's been happening for about a month now… I was going to go to the doctor but I had lacrosse tryouts and the pain wasn't so bad. It's only been this bad really today and a few days before today I swear." Dr. Novak wrote something on his clip board.

"We checked your temperature when you came in, it was at a 99.7. Do you feel under the weather or feel weird at all?"

"No, not at all. I'm feeling fine, it's just my hip." Dr. Novak wrote yet another thing down on his clip board.

"Okay, does anything else hurt?"

"Well my shoulder I guess but that could just be from lacrosse. My teammates like to ram people. But my shoulder isn't as bad as my hip. Do you know what it is?"

"These symptoms can mean several things. I'm not sure what this is," Dr. Novak told Dean as he let his mom and sister back in. "I'm going to be ordering you an MRI so we can find out what could be causing the discomfort in your hip and shoulder."

"Wait, what's this MRI business?" Dean asked, not liking the sound of it.

"An MRI is a machine that stands for magnetic resonance imaging. This machine works by using magnetic pulses that are in the body to create an image of what's happening inside the body that we can't see."

"Dean, basically you would go into this cylinder shaped machine and lay there until the machine is all done. It'll be painless and I bet they'll put pillows under your knees so it won't be uncomfortable," Mary added.

"Anything else I need to know?"

"You _can't _take any metals in the MRI at _all_," Dr. Novak said stressing can't and all.

"And what if I do?"

"Well we'll check first but if it's inside your body then it will rip the medal out. I doubt you have metal in you but well go over any medical history." Dean grimaced slightly; the information did nothing to improve how he felt about MRIs. "Do you understand now?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Do you think you can stand up for me? I want to see where the pain is exactly."

"Yeah I think so," Dean said standing up with discomfort.

Dr. Novak slightly pressed both of his hips. Dean winced when Dr. Novak pressed on his right hip. After the doctor did that, he then told Dean that a nurse would be coming to draw blood. Dean wasn't happy about the announcement but he kept it to himself and kept telling himself that it would all be over soon.

_**************END FLASHBACK**************_

"The results came back a few days later. It was Ewing's Sarcoma. Apparently it's a rare cancer. It's just my family's luck that my dad would have had it too. They found it in my hip and in my shoulder."

"Wow…I can't imagine being in the middle of tryouts and being diagnosed…" Dean slowly nodded.

"Later I found out I made the team. Once the coach heard about the cancer, he appointed me as manager of the team. I really wanted to be on the team but I guess being manager had its perks…"

"Like what?"

"I guess not having to run..." Dean said with a laugh but Sam could see the sadness in his eyes.

"That's always good."

"Do you play any sports?" Dean asked deflecting the attention away from him.

"Nah, well I used to swim competitively but I decided to take a break this past year and I'm thinking I'm going to continue the hiatus next year too."

"Yeah I guess your port wouldn't like that, they do make waterproof covers and exercise is always good for you. Even I practice for lacrosse sometimes. I make goals and practice tossing, when my body doesn't feel like I've been in a car accident, that doesn't take a lot of effort."

"Maybe I'll consider it."

***S*P*N***

"Alright Dean what we're going to do today is take some blood, temperature, weight and you're going to have an MRI done."

"Okay," Dean nodded with nervousness. This test combination happened every month. Dean hoped that this would be the test that would tell them that he was in remission. He would be lying if he said he didn't feel down when the test showed that he still had the cancer. Dean was usually a carefree, confident, sarcastic guy but when it came to his cancer, he was a wreck from the week before the tests to the moment the doctor came in to tell him the news.

Being on an exam table, Dean felt as if he were a fly being scrutinized under a microscope on the highest power. He really hoped that it was good news because each time it wasn't; he lost a small amount of hope.

After the x-rays, Dr. Novak would ask him a few questions and do a physical exam to see if there was any tenderness anywhere. "So Dean, how have you been feeling?"

"Nervous," Dean said quickly with a laugh that match how he felt. He then mentally slapped himself. "I don't know why I said that…um pretty good. My hips not really hurting nor is my shoulder. Yeah I'm feeling pretty good." Dean said again for emphasis.

"Well I'm going to start pressing on your hip, if you feel anything at ALL I want you to tell me. Feeling pain isn't a bad thing nor does it mean it necessarily mean that anythings wrong either. Granted, you are probably going to feel pain in your bones for a long time." Dean nodded in agreement.

After the physical exam on his hip and shoulder were finished, it was time for the others. The blood test only took about 10 minutes because they got the blood from his port. As Mary and Dean waited, she noticed that he was fidgety. He was nervous.

"You okay?" She whispered.

"What?"

"I asked if you were okay."

"Yeah I… why wouldn't I be?" Mary looked at his right leg bouncing up and down.

"Dean, your leg…" she commented. Dean immediately stopped. He opened his mouth to say something but moved his hand across his mouth instead.

"Yeah mom, I'm okay," he said tiredly. He hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. He rubbed his face again and finished his statement. "It's just a stupid routine test."

"There's nothing to worry about," Mary said as she rubbed the back of his neck as comfort. _Easy for you to say…_

By the time Dr. Novak came in with the results, it had been a half an hour. He took a seat and placed the scans and x- rays on the nearby desk. "Okay Dean, your temperature is at a perfect 97.8 and your weight is at 119 lbs. Last month it was 128 so you have lost 9 pounds. That's not bad if you look at the loss from that stance but considering you were 155 lbs when you got here, that's not good." Dean nodded his head in acknowledgment, there was nothing he could say, he had tried to keep his weight up but the chemo wasn't helping his cause.

"So what does this mean?" Mary asked.

"Nothing bad it's just that he needs to get some meat on those bones," he said as he put up another pair of x-ray scans on display. "Okay let's take a look at the x-rays and MRI scans from when you were first diagnosed. See you can see several masses in your right hip and in this picture you can see where the shoulder masses started growing." He then put up the newest scans. "What do you see here Dean?"

Dean looked at it for a moment. "Uh I guess bones… I don't really know what I'm looking at," Dean said nervously.

"The differences between the two models is one has cancer masses and the other one doesn't." Dr. Novak waited for their responses. Dean just looked at him.

Mary put her hands on her mouth in shock. "I can't believe it… is he… is he really in remission?"

"Yes, congratulations, you're officially in remission," Dr. Novak responded.

"Really?" Dean was in shock and didn't know what to think. He had been on chemo for almost a year now and honestly, he hadn't even see an end to it all. Mary on the other was joyful and tears were running down her face.

"Really." Dr. Novak assured them.

"Okay…so what do we do now?" he asked. After being on the same schedule for so long, he didn't know what happened next nor had he really thought about it.

"Well, now you'll come see me every month till the 6th month mark."

"I can't believe it. When will we know if I'm cured?"

"There's what's called a 5-year survival rate. If your cancer doesn't spread nor does it come back in 5 years than that's a pretty good indication that you're cancer isn't coming back." Dr. Novak typically didn't like to mention the word cure because cancer was unpredictable, sometimes coming back after years of it off the radar.

"That's a long time…" Dean said skeptical. It was a long span he had to be cancer free for.

"If we take this one step at a time, then it won't seem that long. Now when you get home tonight, you can't just quit taking your medications cold turkey, or else you would be in excruciating pain because your body isn't ready yet. I would like you to come in tomorrow so a nurse can tell you what you do with your port and the medicines that you can start being weaned off of. But tonight take the usual dose." Dr. Novak explained. He didn't want to explain everything to them right now because he wanted to give Dean and his mother time to celebrate for a little while, take a vacation from all the chaos, before the medical world interfered again.

"That sounds alright. Thank you Dr. Novak."

"It wasn't me who beat the cancer. Congratulations Dean," he said as he walked out.

"I am so proud of you Dean," Mary said hugging him.

"Thanks mom. Let's get out of here," Dean said. He didn't want to be there any longer.

When Mary and Dean arrived home, Anna immediately ran up and squeezed his waist tight.

"I am sooooo proud of you!" She screamed.

"Thanks but it's not like I just told the cancer to go away and poof it was gone."

Anna looked up at him smiling. "It's exactly like that." She let go of his torso then asked what was next after his treatments.

"Well basically like when I was on chemo but with no chemo. I'll have to continue taking medicine and getting checkups on a regular base. That may not seem like much of a change or anything but it is to me."

"No it seems like a lot."

"Thanks. Well I'm going to go take a nap."

"I'm really happy for you though. Have a nice nap big brother."

"I will little sis," Dean said heading upstairs. The stress of the day had made him tired and all he wanted to do was sleep. He changed into his sweat pants and took off his jacket. He was almost asleep, when his phone rang with _living on the prairie_. It was Lisa.

"Hello?"

"Hey babe. I was calling to see how your day went. Did I wake you?"

"No you didn't. You called me at the perfect time… like you always do," Dean said playfully. Dean didn't like telling her about his appointments because he was a mess and he didn't want to worry her. "My day went good I guess. Same old same old. I had an appointment today…"

"You did? Why didn't you tell me? I would have been there."

"Like last time? When they got my hopes up? I want you to come over, I have a surprise."

"Okay just let me finish this last question on this application and I will be on my way."

***S*P*N***

"No way… Dean that is the greatest news ever!" Lisa said as she wrapped her arms around Dean's neck.

"Yeah, I'm happy too but it's like I don't really know what to do anymore. It's been a year…"

"Well I know what you can do," Lisa said arms still wrapped around him.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I do. You can go on and you can keep living, grow your hair out, apply and go to college, get married, have kids and die when you're an old man, happy with your wife and 6 kids."

Dean looked at her. He had liked the sound of her plan up until the having 6 kids part. "Whoa there, six kids? If I have six kids you'd better believe that I'm not gonna be happy."

"Come on, six kids isn't a lot."

"Lisa, you have to understand that having a half a dozen kids isn't a dream, it's a nightmare."

"No- that's a perfect amount."

"Well I feel bad for your husband."

"And what if that's you?"

"Then I will refrain from sex…like forever," Dean said trying to maintain his straight face. Lisa laughed.

"So how many kids do you want?"

"None? Maybe one… two and that's my final offer," Dean said. It was nice thinking about a future and possibly a future with Lisa.

"Well I bet you'll be a great dad someday to your kids." Lisa said still hugging him. "So what do you want to do tonight?"

"Well, I wanted to take you out to lunch but first I've got to return something."

*S*P*N*

"What do you mean she's not here?"

"Im sorry but Amelia, she passed away," one of the nurses informed him. He had seen her before, heck she had even set up his pot a few times. He should have known her name because of her bright red hair but, at the moment, his mind was focused on one thing, returning something that didn't belong to him. Dean suddenly felt queasy and weak.

"How long?" He asked.

"Excuse me?" The nurse asked in confusion.

"How long ago did she die?" He asked raising his voice at the nurse. He was glad that Lisa wasn't by him at that moment.

"Pamela died 4 days ago. I'm sorry; we did all that we could." Dean rubbed his hand over his face roughly.

Dean looked at the round white plastic container that said Pamela's companies name on it. "Uh I just wanted to give her this container. She let me barrow it for cookies about a week ago but I just haven't gotten the chance to bring it back."

"Are you Dean?" Dean only nodded. "I'm Amelia's head nurse ever since she was diagnosed 2 years ago. A few nights before she died, she said something about a Dean and looking on the bottom of a white container."

Dean flipped the container over. "There's nothing here…"

"Here it'll help if you peel this plastic part back," the nurse said as she peeled back the plastic bottom of the container to reveal a message.

"She always put these hand written messages behind the plastic. If people could find them, then they were lucky. Go ahead and read it."

**Dear Dean, I'm sorry the news is so sudden. The docs told me I was terminal a while ago. I'm really hoping you will find this because if you don't I'm writing to myself. I just wanted to say that you are a very strong man and you will beat this disease. I know it. Thank you for being my friend through this whole journey. You made coming here worth it. Hope to see you again someday. But not too soon.**

** Pamela**

"It's a shame; the staff adored her."

"So did everybody else. It was hard not to," Dean quietly said.

*S*P*N*

*****Next chapter Preview:**

"Can I help you?" He said groggily and kind of annoyed.

"Um… hi… Is this…um is this the Winchester house?"

"It depends whose asking," Sam cautiously asked. He was told to always be suspicious.

"Are you Sam Winchester?"


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: I wanted to say thanks to these reviewers I keep forgetting and I figured this was a good chapter to do this on.**

**Thanks **_jokergirl94__,_** for being my only consistent reviewer, I really appreciate it. You'll have to see if Sam's coming close to his remission… **

_Lallieannem_**, thank you for the complement. I'm usually not so great with descriptions but it's nice to know someone recognized the improvement.**

_GottaGetM3sumPIE_**-**__**I'm not gonna lie, I actually copied and pasted your pen name. Thank you for your review it made me feel good.**

**And to all the guest reviews, LOG IN so you too can get a shout out!**

*****My gratitude goes to AGoodOmen! You rock.**

**Chapter 6**

"Are you positive?" Sam nodded his head.

"I'm sure, shave it off," Sam said as he glanced at himself in the mirror. His hair, if you could call it that, was starting to fall out. It had been falling out for days. Sam hadn't wanted to acknowledge that it was happening but he had no choice now. He had to face this head on, literally, as Dean had said a few weeks prior, because it was inevitable. His hair had been falling on his pillow, in the shower; on the floor…it was time. "Do it."

"Alright," John said as he pressed the power bottom on the razor. It came to life with a buzz that Sam hadn't heard in a long time. John looked at Sam's patchy scalp once more before he put the electronic scissors to his scalp. He didn't stop until all of Sam's hair was gone and all he could see was a freshly shaven head. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen Sam's hair this short. Even when Sam had been born he was blessed with a full head of hair, definitely more hair than what John was looking at. "All done."

"Okay," Sam acknowledged quietly. He looked at himself in the mirror and felt the top of his head. He then took a deep breath. This had made the whole cancer situation more real, not that it wasn't real already, and it was like he could feel the cancer nipping at his flesh.

"I'll be right back Sammy," John said as he retrieved an item from his room. He had been holding on to it ever since hearing about the side effects of the treatment. He handed the soft item to Sam. It was a beanie that said Winchester on it.

"You really had it say Winchester on it?"

"Yup, I bought it before you started treatment... I didn't know if you would need it or not." Sam gave him a sad smile.

"Showing team pride huh?"

"You know it. We're the best team in town, just you and me against the world?"

"Yeah, but just me against the cancer."

"Nope, it's still you and me."

***S*P*N***

"Wait, your mom actually let you get a job?"

"Well it's at my Uncle Bobby's Mechanic shop… at his house but the point is, I'm working and I'm getting money. He needed some helping hands anyways so it worked out for the both of us."

"Do you think my dad will let me get a job?"

"Eh…"

"Yeah, you're probably right." His dad would never agree to that. "Are you sure they'll let me wear my hat at school?" Sam asked Dean nervously over the phone.

"Yeah I'm positive, they let me."

"I guess you're right… are you listening to music?" Sam asked.

"No I'm playing it. I'm just strumming some cords cause I'm bored, my dad taught me."

"That's cool, wish I knew how to play."

"I'll have to teach you sometime. But back to the hat thing, I used to wear hats every day the first few months after my hair fell out. You know what my mom told me one day?"

"You're going to tell me any-."

"She told me to lose the hat cause it showed insecurity and to tell all the people that couldn't stop staring to suck it."

Sam laughed at Dean's advice. "I bet she did…" he said dryly.

"True story."

"Thanks for the advice."

"Anytime."

"My dad and I are going to talk to the school about schedules and stuff like tomorrow so I'll make sure."

"Hey, you're coming to the support meeting next Wednesday right?"

"Yeah, I'll be there. Wait, I thought this group was for people with cancer. Why are you still going?"

"It is but ever though I'm in remission, the cancer still in my bones. It's going to be for a long time. It may not be affecting me right this moment but that doesn't mean that its 1000% cleaned out. Besides, if you hadn't notice, not everyone there has cancer. Some are recovering."

"Cancer sucks."

"Yeah, join the club."

***S*P*N***

"Hey dad. That was Dean; he said he's in remission."

"That's fantastic. When did he find out?" John asked.

"A few days ago I guess," Sam said casually, lying down on the vacant couch.

"I'm happy for him. Why don't you seem happy?"

Sam shrugged his shoulders. "I am too."

John watched him for a moment but decided not to push Sam.

***S*P*N***

"John, Sam everything looks good, the chemo is still working but not at the speed we would like it to. The amount of leukemia cells in Sam's body is too much for his body to handle, it's chocking out the good cells. We need to start thinking about a bone marrow transplant. It's not mandatory right now so I don't want you stressing out but it's something that might need to be considered in the near future." the doctor looked at Sam, now addressing his patient. "keep in mind that you've only been on chemo for a short while and that maybe your body just needs time to adjust to the chemo for it to start being more effective."

"What does this bone marrow transplant consists of?" John asked wary.

"Well, we would have to find a compatible donor. That means that this donor has to have 6 similarities within Sam's blood type, we like to call those markers. 6 is an exceptional match but the donor can have as little as 4. Generally we like to take bone marrow out of flat bones like in the hips. Siblings are a good start and have a 35% chance of being a perfect match and parents, a 10 % chance of matching. You don't happen to have any siblings Sam, do you?"

Sam shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe if my mom had kids," John stiffens at the statement. The thought of Imogen having kids with another man made him feel betrayed.

"Well After a bone marrow match is found, we will then start prepping them, Sam and the donor, to give marrow which means that we'll give the donor hormone injections. The hormones are to get the marrow to start multiplying so that there's enough for you. Did I lose anyone?"

"No keep going," Sam responded.

"Alright anyways, we'll start doing that about 2 weeks prior to the transplant. As that donor is getting prep so will you. Sam will be going through an intense chemo and radiation to get rid of all the leukemia cells so we can start fresh with the new cells."

"Okay we'll do it. Put him on the registry," John said immediately. He didn't have to think twice about a process that would save his son.

"No, we won't do it," Sam objected. Sam on the other hand wasn't very forthcoming to this BMT thing. He was almost 16 and wasn't about to let his dad make all his decisions without Sam's approval first, without being rational.

Sensing the tension in the room Dr. Novak said, "I'll let you guys discuses this. Let me know when you're ready." And he stepped out of the room.

"It's my decision and I'm pretty sure it's my body too. Did you not hear what I'll have to go through? The doc said '_Intense chemo and radiation.' _I'm not sure that that's something I want to go through or my body to go through."

"Sam, this could help save your life."

"Don't you think I know that?!"

"Sam, I'm not having you give up like-"

"I'm not giving up! I'm just… I don't know. I want a say in this decision and I want to do more research about this. Like I said before, it's my body."

"Yeah, but your my son."

***S*P*N***

"Thank God we're home…" Sam said as he walked through his front door. Sam and John had just gotten back from Sam's chemo treatment. It had been a few days since their fight and Sam still didn't want to think about the bone marrow transplant. John didn't like going behind Sam's back but it seemed evident to him that Sam didn't want to see the reality of the situation and that John had to take over. He decided to tell Dr. Novak to put Sam on the bone marrow list.

"I'm going to be making macaroni and cheese. Have any objections? Good. It's going to be from the box, in case you're wondering."

Sam smirked. "I can't even think about food… I told Ruby she could come over. We were going to watch a movie is that alright?"

"Of course that's alright. When is she going to be here?" John asked.

"I told her to come at five so in about 10 minutes," Sam said checking his watch.

"Well if you want anything don't hesitate-"

"To ask? I won't but thanks anyway," Sam said walking upstairs to his room. He laid down on his bed and thought about his day. It had been a pretty good one, minus the chemo.

"Hey Sam."

"Ruby?" Sam said with a confused look on his face.

"Duh who else would it be?" She said dropping her bag on the ground before she joined Sam.

"You're early. I thought you were coming at five."

"Sam it's 5:10. It's past five."

"Oh… I didn't even hear the doorbell."

"When was the last time I've actually rang your doorbell?"

"Like 4 years ago?"

"Exactly. Okay so my mom said I could stay till 6:30 so let's get started on the movie. Chop chop," Ruby said impatiently. Sam shook his head at her. "What?"

"You are so impatient…" Ruby stuck her tongue out at him.

"Bite me."

"Do you dare me?" She challenged.

"No cause you'd actually do it."

"Thought so," Ruby said with a smirk. "So what movie did you bring?"

"The third side."

"This isn't some lovey-dovey movie is it?"

"No that's next week… Didn't you get my text? We're going to see a chick flick."

"The hell we are," Sam said in disproval. "I'm going to make some popcorn."

"Remember I-"

"Want marshmallows on it. I know. How many years have we been friends?"

"Ten."

"Ten. Right on target... damn that's a long time," Sam said.

"Shut up," Ruby said pushing him. When Sam got downstairs, he found his dad cooking… with a blue apron on. "Since when do you wear aprons?"

"Sammy!" John said looking over at him. He quickly took the apron off. "I… I uh didn't see you there."

"Why were you wearing an apron? Whose is that anyways?"

"Uh it's nobody's. I just didn't…. I didn't want to get anything on my clothes."

"Right and the tooth fairy is real," Sam joked. He got out the pack of popcorn and put it in the microwave.

"Actually not entirely true. They-"

"Dad. Come on. Whose apron is that?" Sam asked again.

"It's mine…" John said lamely, head lowering.

"Wow… wait till Bobby hears about this. Or better yet Mary!" He teased as he got the popcorn out of the microwave.

"You wouldn't," John challenged.

"Oh… I so would," he said putting the marshmallows on the popcorn.

"Nah I don't believe you," John said calling Sam's bluff. He watched Sam put the marshmallows on the popcorn. "After 10 years of knowing her, I still don't know how marshmallows could possibly be good on popcorn…" he said shaking his head in disbelief.

"It's actually pretty good. Ruby said it had something to do with the sweet and salty blend or whatever," Sam said with a shrug. "I better get up there."

"You two have fun…but not too much fun. No funny business. Leave the door open."

"Dad, were just friends, that's just gross," Sam said walking up the steps.

"That's what they all say," John muttered.

When he got to his room, Ruby was fast forwarding through the preview. "Okay, I've got the popcorn," he announced handing the bowl over to her.

"You don't want any?"

"Nah I'm feeling a little nauseous," he said dismissively.

"If you do puke, don't puke on me," Ruby said as she started the movie.

"Are you kidding? If I have to puke, I'm coming for you. I have a free pass," he countered.

"Are you still caught up on that? It was 3 years ago! And it was your fault! You knew I was allergic to bananas," Ruby argued.

"I didn't know you were that allergic honest…"

"Yeah whatever."

"Shhh the movie's starting," Sam said as he got comfortable.

While Sam and Ruby were watching their movie, John called Mary for support and advice on what to do about the BMT. She always knew what to tell him. She told him that it was natural for Sam to want to make his own decisions because A) he was a teenager and B) he was nervous and C) he was feeling vulnerable and like his opinions didn't matter. John thanked Mary and after their phone call he also called Bobby and Ellen to also tell them the news so they weren't left in the dark because they had helped Sam and him so much and they deserved to be informed.

***S*P*N***

When the movie had ended, Ruby stuck around for a while longer then went home and Sam immediately went to sleep after they said good bye. The chemo had hit hard. He had been feeling crappy.

When Sam woke up the next morning, sleep had done nothing to make him feel better and he had felt nauseated the whole morning. Considering he hadn't eaten much except a little bit of popcorn and marshmallows the night before, he really didn't have anything in his stomach to throw up. His dad had been called into work so he was stuck home by himself. Before John had left, he had set some anti nausea pills for Sam to take and called Bobby over to keep an eye on him. After Sam took his pills, he decided to lie down.

Sam had only been sleeping for a half an hour when he was woken up by the doorbell. He groggily sat up and rose to his feet and went to answer the door. He figured it was Bobby but thought it was weird that he didn't just let himself in. He cracked the door open. There stood a woman with wavy strawberry blond hair down to her shoulders and blue eyes. He was glad he was wearing his hat right then. She was wearing a coral blue shirt with skinny blue jeans.

"Can I help you?" He said groggily and kind of annoyed.

"Um… hi… Is this…um is this the Winchester house?" she stammered.

"It depends whose asking," Sam cautiously asked. He was told to always be suspicious.

"Are you Samuel Winchester?"

"It depends whose asking," he repeated grumpy. At the moment, he felt like slamming the door in her face so he could just go back to sleep. "Can I help you or…?"

*S*P*N*

When John had gotten out of work, he realized that he had had 13 missed calls. All of them were from Sam.

"Sam you there? Everything alright? I'm sorry; I left my phone in the car."

"Come home quickly. Please," Sam said desperately.

"Is Bobby not there? I told him to come over and keep an eye out for you."

"No he's here too just come here quick," Sam said hastily, hanging up.

When John had gotten home, there were 2 other cars in the driveway. One Bobby's and one unknown. He unlocked the door and went inside. On the couch, 3 people were seated. Bobby, Sam and…

"Imogen?" John looked at the woman who had left him 15, almost 16 years ago. This was Sam's mother and the first person that John had truly loved. With Imogen standing in front of him, released all these emotions. Most of which John hadn't felt since she left. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to ask, but he couldn't, not in front of Sam. She hadn't changed a bit. She still looked like the young care free women that he fell in love with.

"Hi John," she said. It was the first words that he had heard from her since her departure and it was almost foreign, just almost. Her voice seemed troubled. John cursed himself for realizing the change in her voice after all this time.

"I'm going to head out," Bobby said awkwardly. This was a family issue.

"What are you doing here?"John asked after Bobby had left.

"I would like to talk to you, in private," she added.

"In private?" Sam interjected. "Don't you think that this has something to do with me too? I'm the son you never got the chance-"

"That's enough Sam," John said sharply. He came closer to Sam and quietly told him, "I'll explain later, I promise. Please just go to your room."

"I can't believe this-" he started but stopped, after seeing the tired look on his father's face, and decided to do what he was told.

Once Sam left to go to his room, John and Imogen were quiet.

"This house is very nice," Imogen said breaking the thick silence between them.

"How did you find me and why did you come back?" John said ignoring her compliment. She was in no position to give any.

"My parents told me where you lived. Mark wants a divorce." John wasn't mad at Imogen's parents, it was in there nature, they had always believed in a happily ever after. He didn't blame them, he had too believed in it once.

"So that's why you're here? To talk about your failed marriage? What do you want from me Imogen?" John said tiredly. Imogen was about to answer when her phone started ringing and she excused herself and answered.

"Adam, I'll be home soon, I promise. Nana will take care of you. I love you, gotta go," She said as she hung up.

"Who's Adam?" John asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

"Adam…" Imogen looked up at him with an almost ashamed expression. "Adam is our son."

**DUNDUNDUN! Review! Help me out here.**

*****Next chapter Preview:**

"Have you been crying?" John asked concerned.

"Yeah, I just don't feel good." John quickly took her in his arms.

"Here, I'll take you to your bed so you can get some rest."

"Thanks John," she said as they walked to the room. John tucked her in.

"Now that's better huh?"

"Yes. Thank you. Can you lay down with me?"

John wrapped his hands around her. He didn't have to think twice. She suddenly felt safe, like nothing could ruin the moment.


	7. Chapter 7

*****AGoodOmen , thanks man ;B**

**Are the chapter previews pointless?**

**Chapter 7**

"What do you mean Adam is our son?"

"Well, last week, Mark and I had a paternity test done. It was his request. We found out that he's not a match to Adam and he's accusing me of infidelity. If Adam isn't Mark's then he's yours because you're the only other-"

"Stop," John said putting his hand up. "How do you suppose we find out?"

"Well, I think we should take a paternity test," Imogen suggested.

John looked at her, baffled. "A what?"

"A paternity test. They take DNA from both parents to see if the child is a match."

"I don't even know what this kid looks like and you want me to take a paternity test?"

"I have a picture," Imogen said as she handed him her phone. John looked at the picture and chills went down his back. The boy had dirty blond hair and green eyes, Sam's eyes, Imogen's eyes. His heart skipped a beat. There was little doubt that Adam wasn't his. "Will you please do it?"

John looked up at her hopeful expression. "I'll do it," he answered. Imogen smiled going to hug him but John swiftly moved out of her reach. "You…you don't get to do that."

Her arms retreated to her sides and she looked down. "I understand."

"Do you?" John asked. He knew what he was going to say to her now. He wanted to make sure she understood the life she had given away. "I don't think you do. You barged in here like you had never left. Sam and I have been able to build a family just fine. We've lived a good life, without you. Imogen…" he paused. The name sounded so unnatural. "If you think that you can just barge in here and fix everything, you're mistaken."

"I know and I'm sorry. That may seem like empty words but I assure you, they're not."

"How can you just expect me to be so forgiving?" John looked her straight in the eyes and Imogen suddenly felt physically cold. "How can you expect Sam to be?"

***S*P*N***

After Imogen had left, John braced himself and went to go confront Sam. There was so much to tell him and he was trying to figure out if he should bring up the whole Adam thing. He waited until Sam gave him the clear to come in before he opened the door. Sam was sitting on his bed reading _Down and Under_, a book that he had read 500 times already. "Hey, you have a minute?"

"It depends," Sam retorted.

John sat at the edge of Sam's bed and crossed his arms across his chest. "I think it's time that you've heard the whole story." Sam immediately put his book down, he hadn't really been reading it anyways, and sat up straighter giving his dad his undivided attention. "Well, we were every young at the time…"

_*****************FLASHBACK*****************_

"No, no, no, no, no." 18 year old Imogen's worst fear had just become a reality, she was pregnant. This could not be happening. She was supposed to be going to college soon, starting her life, not sitting home with a crying baby. She quickly put the pregnancy test at the bottom of her trash. Looking at herself in the mirror, she began to cry. She loved John and wanted to start a family with him someday but she still had to do so much more with her life.

She heard a knock on the bathroom door, it was John. "Imogen? Is… everything okay? Your mom told me that you weren't feeling good. Can I come in?"

She cleared her throat. "Yeah I'm alright. I was just going to the bathroom. I'll be out in a sec." She turned the sink on and quickly whipped away tears. She opened the door to find John.

"Have you been crying?" John asked concerned. He moved strands of her strawberry blond hair that had fallen from her messy bun and whipped her tears away. Imogen looked at him deciding what to say, whether or not to tell him the news. She knew that lying to him was pointless and that he would find out but right now, she didn't have the courage to face it all.

"Yeah, I just don't feel good." John quickly took her in his arms.

"Here, I'll take you to your bed so you can get some rest."

"Thanks John," she said as they walked to the room. John tucked her in.

"Now that's better huh?"

"Yes. Thank you. Can you lay down with me?"

John wrapped his hands around her. He didn't have to think twice. She suddenly felt safe, like nothing could ruin the moment.

"Imogen- do you want to tell me what this is?" John asked.

"Where did you get that?"

"From the bottom of the trash. I thought that since you weren't feeling good, I would take out the trash. The test fell out. How long have you known?"

"I just found out today I swear."

"Yeah, that's why it was at the bottom of the trash. When were you planning to tell me?"

"I don't- I don't know, maybe today, soon, later. I just… I just needed time to think about what I was going to do."

"And what exactly were you planning on doing?"

"I just… I would have figured it out."

"Why do you keep saying I? It should be **we**.** We** should figure it out; **we** need time to think about what **we **we're gunna do because **we** made this baby. Now, that baby is mine just as much as yours and you know it! What were you planning? To terminate the baby?" John asked quietly. Abortion was considered taboo in his family. Imogen looked down at her hands. She wasn't going to lie; the thought had crossed her mind but only for a second. "I can't believe you thought of that…" John had to pace for a moment before calming down and reached for her hands. He hadn't realized that she had been crying. "Look, I promise that I will take care of you and this baby for the rest of my life because I love you both."

Imogen looked up at him and breathed in deeply. "Okay John."

_**8 months later**_

"I can't do this anymore," Imogen said looking at her stomach in the mirror. She was almost finished with her 9th month and the baby was due in less than a few days. However, she had been feeling contractions all day.

In the last few months, she and John had gotten engaged and were planning to get married after the baby was born. "John I think he's trying to crawl out himself. I can feel him." She paused for a moment to breathe through the pain. "John I really want to go get this checked out. I think I'm going into labor."

"What?!" He said rushing into the bathroom. "Okay I'll get the bag and help you out to the car just please don't have the baby here, please."

"I won't John. Just get me to the hospital- it's starting to hurt."

"Are you ready to start pushing?"

Imogen nodded weary. She was tired of being pregnant. In her mind it wasn't a beautiful experience at all. She couldn't focus or get her classes done, she felt fat, and like everyone was staring at her because of it. John seemed very happy though, had practically said it every day but this baby, wasn't what she wanted right now. Sure she wanted a family someday but not when she was 18. In her opinion, she wasn't being selfish, just stating what she wanted. Thinking back on it, she wished they had used protection. She thought it would be okay, it had been only once that they weren't protected. She wished she could take that night of passion and traded it for a night at the movies or something.

After a half an hour into pushing, Imogen was fed up. "John, I'm scared. I can't push anymore… I can't do it," Imogen said weakly. The strenuous pushing had left her tired and willing to give up.

"The baby's heart rate is dropping," one nurse announced.

"Come on, Genny, one more push. Then it will all be over," John said as reassurance. She grabbed his hand and nodded, she was going to try once more. Once the doctor started the countdown, she began pushing.

"I…2…3…4…5…"

"It's a boy!" the doctors

Everything seemed to slow down and the only sound that Imogen could hear was the baby's. He was okay.

"He's breathing on his own Looks like he has strong lungs. What are you going to name him?" the nurses asked as they cleaned the baby.

"Samuel Blake Winchester," he answered.

"Well, Samuel is 7Ibs 2 ounces. Congratulations to the both of you."

"Thank you," John said for the both of them. After they were done cleaning Sam, they checked his heart rate and lung function and handed him to John while Imogen was being cleaned up.

"Hey Sammy… I've been waiting a long time to meet you," John said as he held his son. Sam's head moved to the side a little. After Imogen was settled in bed, the nurses showed her how to breastfeed. "He's beautiful huh?"

Imogen nodded and looked down at Sam who was still sleeping soundly. They were alone now. Imogen was tired, so tired that she could barely keep her eyes open. "Yes he is," she said then began to tear up.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just need to get some sleep..." John took the baby from her.

"That's understandable, I'll take him and we'll see you tomorrow."

A few days later, Imogen and John were able to take Sam home.

One night while Imogen was folding clothes and Sam was asleep in his bassinette in the living room, John spoke up. Sam was 3 months old and ever since Sam had been born, Imogen had been a wreck. Imogen had struggled with depression in the past but she hadn't had a bout for a very long time.

"What's been going on with you lately?" John asked leaning on their door frame. Imogen glared at him.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you've been acting different lately."

"Oh yeah? How so?" Imogen asked as she folded the clothes faster.

"I see the way you look at him. That first night when we brought Sam home, I saw you crying. I know that it was a mixture of sleep deprivation and lack of energy but I saw something else..." Imogen was now folding the clothes furiously now. How dare John say that? Who did he think he was accusing her like that? She had just had a baby for crying out loud. "Well? Are you going to say something?"

Imogen threw the peace of clothing she had in her hands, which happened to be one of Sam's orange pants, and exploded. "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY JOHN? That I don't love him? Because I love Sam, I do. How could I not?"

"I never said you didn't love him, I know you do. I just want to know what you're feeling, how you're really doing," John said calmly. He knew when she got this way that it was best to stay calm and let her talk through her feelings and let her know that he was on her side.

The way John had looked at her made her emotions go haywire. "It's just hard, okay! I went from being an 18 year old, ready to go to college to being a mom who's not going to college and that's really hard," She yelled as tears started flowing down her cheeks. "I had everything planned out. I was going to go to get my microbiology degree, marry you, and THEN start a family. I had to deviate from the plan and now look at me. I'm jobless, don't go to school, have a 3 month old baby that never sleeps and on top of that, I'm not even ready to be a mom!" She said through her tears. "I had everything planned…" she repeated.

"Imogen, life isn't always going to work as planned."

"I know."

Something all of a sudden clicked in John's mind. "I don't want to ask this but… are you- have you been taking your medicine?" Imogen gave him a murderous glare. "The doctors said that after people have babies they-"

"I hate when people ask me that! Drives me crazy! Yes I'm taking them. All I'm saying is that I love Sam, and he's a miracle but for another time."

"Imogen, I know that everything happens for a reason. Maybe we needed Sam in our lives." John combed his fingers through her long strawberry blond hair and whipped a tear from her cheek. Even though she had been crying, she was still beautiful. "So what do you want to do?" John asked. "What do you need? Just know that I'm here for you."

"I don't know…I just don't… I had a plan!" She said once more. John wrapped his arms around her as a gesture of love.

"I'm sorry that you feel that way. How about you go stay with your mom for the night, get your head cleared for a few days," John suggested arms still wrapped around her.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'll even help you pack. It seems like you need the break."

"I'm tired right now but in the morning I'll go pay her a visit."

"That sounds good," John said as he started to let go.

"No… don't," Imogen said. She looked up at him. "John… it's been 3 months since I've been back from the hospital."

"Yeah and?" Imogen looked at him expectantly and smirked, he wasn't taking her hint. "It's been almost 3 months so… OH you mean you want to have sex?" John asked quietly.

"Sam's asleep in the other room. Come on, please. It's been more than 3 months." She needed to something else besides feeling overwhelmed and lost.

"Are you sure?"

"Please John, I need this."

"Hello?"

"Hi John, it's me."

"Imogen? Where are you? I've been trying to contact you for hours. Your mom alright? When are you going to be home?"

"I'm not coming home."

"What do you mean you're not coming home?"

"I mean I can't come home. I love you and Sam but I just can't do this anymore."

"Don't be ridiculous," John said in disbelief. "We can do this, I know it."

"I've pumped several bottles for Sam at my mom's house... I thought I could… I thought I could handle it- thought everything was fine- but it's not I can't do this." The line cut after that. He threw the phone on the couch in anger and disbelief. She had called from a payphone. Untraceable. What John did after that, he wasn't proud of. He dug through all of her stuff.

John held up the bottle of antidepressants and shook it. "I knew it," John said under his breath. That night he counted every single pill 3 times. The number 24 held true every time. She had only taken 6 out of the 30 pills in the bottle.

After that night he couldn't get a hold of her. Nobody in her family knew where she was. She had played them and she obviously didn't want to be found.

4 Months later, Imogen's mother Caroline handed John something. "I found this in her room." It was Imogen's engagement ring.

"Thanks…" he took the round object out of her hands and stared at it. They had planned to get married in august. Summer had always been Imogen's favorite season. "I never wanted this for Sam..."

"I know what she did was selfish. Are you going to be alright?"

"Eventually. I think Sam and I are moving to Kansas. I have family down there that I just need right now. I would love it if you guys came down to visit. Heck, my mom loves you guys."

"If you think that's best then by all means do it. Wyatt and I would love to visit. We love Sam, you and even though Imogen's going through a hard time, we love her too."

"You and me both..."

_*****************END FLASHBACK*****************_

"And after that, we moved here."

"Did you ever see her again before tonight?"

"No. I mean her parents ordered a private investigator on her about a year after she had left, they couldn't take it anymore. She ended up moving to Michigan. She was right under… well above my nose and I didn't even know it."

"Why didn't you chase after her?" John didn't have to think about his answer.

"What did you want me to do? Leave you behind? You were…you were a year old, just starting to walk, when they found her again. I couldn't have taken a baby all over the US with me. You needed me and I needed you believe it or not." John paused for a moment. "You look so much like her… not that you look girly but… you do look a lot like her. "

"What's her life like now?"

"Before we get talking about her, I have something to tell you. It may not be true but like you've said countless times, you deserve to know."

"Okay… is it bad?"

"No…I don't know really." John searched for the words to tell him. When he did, John told him about Adam and How there was a possibility that he was his brother.

"What's his name?" Sam asked simply.

"Adam. He's 14. I swear I just heard about it today. We're not even sure if he's related to me."

"But it's highly? When will you find out?"

"Whenever we do a paternity test I guess."

"Well thanks for telling me. I appreciate knowing. If he is, I've always wanted a brother I guess."John was surprised at Sam's reaction. He thought that Sam would argue with him but he didn't. In fact, Sam seemed calm. "You think she loves Adam more than me?" Sam asked. John's heart felt heavy.

"Despite everything, she loves you. You may think it ain't true but she does. She was suffering from depression and postpartum depression and on top of that, being 18. I guess I should have told a doctor about the changes in her but I didn't know for sure and I honestly trusted her. My mistake was ever letting her go."

"Thanks for telling me dad. It meant a lot to me. Did you tell her?" Sam asked suddenly. John looked at him confused.

"Tell her what?"

"You know, about my cancer?"

Sam never ceased to amaze him. He rolled his eyes at the fact that Sam seemed un-phased by the fact that John had just shared two big bits of information with him. He guessed it was the only-child-syndrome kicking in. "No, I didn't but sometime she's bound to find out." John looked over at Sam. "I'll admit, you've been ready to hear this for a long time. It was me who wasn't ready to tell you."

***S*P*N***

"So when I see you tomorrow, can I touch your head?"

"No Ruby, you cannot touch my head," Sam grimaced.

"Ever?"

"I'm going to hang up on you."

"Okay wait like ever EVER?"

"Definitely not."

"Why?"

"Because you touching my head would just be plain weird," Sam replied.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me you shaved your head. I thought we were the best of friends."

"No we aren't. In fact I don't even know who you are or why I'm talking to you. How'd you even get my number?"

"Even though you can't see me, I'm rolling my eyes at you."

"I figured. So what movie do you want to watch on Monday?" Seeing a movie at the dollar theater the Monday before school started had been a tradition of theirs for years.

"I want to go see Eleanor Rigby."

"As in the Beatles' song?"

"Yeah but they made a movie out of it. Man, you've been way out of the loop."

"Yeah well, what's it about?"

"Well the movies about a murder through two sibling's eyes."

"And…? That's all you can tell me?"

"That's all I know! I don't know much else; the trailer didn't do a very good job explaining anything."

"I don't know…" Sam said reluctantly.

"Come on, you know how much I love the Beatles! Besides, you picked the movie last time."

"Yeah but I think I should pick the movie since I have cancer," Sam tried.

"Bull! I'm not taking your sympathy card. You don't get to cash that thing in, like ever. We're going to go see this movie whether you like it or not. So you can go take that sympathy card and shove it-"

"Are you sure you don't want to see Radioactive?"Sam asked, cutting her sentence short.

"Over my dead body! That movie sounds lame."

"I'm pretty sure that could be arranged…"

"Shut up... I'll be at your house at noon!" Ruby said hanging up.

***S*P*N***

"Admit it, you loved it," Ruby said as they were leaving the movie theater, on their way to their favorite ice cream place.

"It was pretty good."

"That's it? That's all you're going to give me? _Pretty good_?"

"Pretty much," Sam said nonchalantly with a shrug. Ruby glared at him. "See what I did there?"

"You're an idiot...and you're unbelievable; your eyes were practically glued to the screen. They were so big that you looked like a power puff girl."

Sam pursed his lips. "Which one?"

"The pink one," She answered with a smirk.

"Come on! You know I love **B**ubbles." Ruby threw her head back and laughed.

Ruby shook her head. "You are too much…"

"I blame you. You're the one who made me watch it with you when we were younger."Once they'd reached Sweet Thang, Ruby ordered mint chip and Sam ordered his usual, chocolate chip cookie dough.

"I have to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"Uh… a few days ago… my _mom _came back."

"Oh my gosh… Wow. How can you be so casual about this? Do you know what she wants or why she's here?"

"No clue… but all I know is that I don't want her in my life."

"Why?" Ruby asked.

"I feel betrayed… she left and didn't come back. I obviously wasn't important enough for her to stay."

"Then tell her that," she suggested.

"I can't say that."

"And why not?"

"Because that's rude. I'm not like you. I can't be so straightforward."

"We all know that," Ruby muttered. "But it's not at all rude. You're just telling her how you feel. There's nothing wrong with that Sam. If you talk to her just tell her what you said to me. She'll never know unless you tell her."

"Okay subject change please. I don't want to talk about my mom anymore."

"Okay. That's fine." Ruby paused. "I think as long as I've known you, you've always ordered chocolate chip cookie dough…why?"

"Because…it's good?"

"Yeah but why don't you switch it up once in a while?"

"I don't know," Sam shrugged taking a bite of his ice cream.

That night, Sam thought about Ruby's question. _Why don't you switch it up once in a while_? He guessed it was because he didn't like change or rather change scared him.

He had always been in this little bubble that never changed. All his life it had been him and his dad, his grades had always been consistent and he had always known what he wanted to be when he grew up. His mom being back was jeopardizing the life that his father and he had created, a life without her. They had built this thick wall around them so that it wouldn't crack, it wouldn't break and now, it seemed as though that wall was starting to tremble.

He had had a goal at one point: he wanted to go to Stanford, he wanted to be a lawyer, he wanted to one day marry the love of his life. Now, he was uncertain of what the future would bring or if there was even a future for him. He hated having to change his path. It seemed like everything was changing in his life and he didn't want it to- didn't know how to stop it. He didn't even know if he could stop the change around him and that scared him.

*S*P*N*

*****Next chapter Preview:**

"She wants to explain herself because she thinks it's important."

"Maybe I do hate her," Sam spat.

"Nah, I know you don't."

"How do you know?"

"Because I've known you all your life."


	8. Chapter 8

**AGoodOmen rocks for editing this**

**I want at least 2 reviews to continue. I'm so in the dark!**

**Chapter 8**

To say that Sam was nervous was an understatement. Sam was so anxious, he felt like he was going to throw up. He definitely had his doubts about coming back to school. He didn't look like the same person who had left three months prior. It seemed like every '_what If'_ question imaginable was flipping through his head.

That morning, he got ready, dressed in jeans and a grey shirt, took his medicine and was now in the process of fixing his knit Winchester hat. He just couldn't seem to get it right.

"Hey, almost ready to go? The bus'll be here in five," John informed him.

"Its 6:30, the bus doesn't come till 6:40," Sam pointed out confused.

"You know that crazy bus driver comes early."

"Yeah, you're right."

"You want me to drive you? I don't have to be at work till eight," he offered.

"Nah, I'll be okay. But thanks anyways."

"Your hat's fine," John said. Sam stopped and looked at his dad through the mirror. "Even though you've had a tough summer... it's not going to be bad today."

"What?" Sam asked confused.

John had never been great with inspirational words. The speech had taken all morning to think up and he still had managed to screw it up in five seconds. "At least I got the first part right… Let me start over. What I'm trying to saying is that you're going to have a great day and to not worry about the other classmates, they don't know shit." Okay, maybe that wasn't the speech John had planned out but it would have to do. Sam shook his head in disapproval and began to laugh.

"I can't believe you just said that," Sam said through his chuckles.

"What? It's true, they don't know anything." John's logic only made Sam laugh more. "Okay, instead of laughing at your old man, why don't you go get your backpack and get out of here," John grumbled light heartedly.

After Sam had fixed his hat once more, he gathered his backpack and was off to the bus. When he arrived to school, the confidence that his dad's speech had given him was still surprisingly intact; and the fact that Ruby was in his home room, only boosted it. In his first period, the only people there were himself, Ruby, and about 10 other people, most of them were on their phones listening to music. The teacher looked up at him. Her hair was a dark brown and her eyes matched. She looked like she had just gotten out of college. He assumed that she was new because he didn't recognize her.

"Hey, are you Sam Winchester?"

"Yeah," Sam confirmed guardedly.

"Would you mind coming over to my desk for a moment?" She asked. Sam walked slowly to her desk and the teacher started to speak very quietly, Sam could barely hear her. "Hi, I'm Mrs. Modica. The principle informed all your teachers about your situation. I wanted to let you know that if you start feeling like weird or anything out of the ordinary just tell me and you can leave to go to the bathroom or even the nurse, okay?"

"Um, yeah sure. Thanks."

"And if you wanted to inform the class about- you know what, you could definitely do that whenever. But you don't have to if you don't want to."

Sam was tempted to opt out right there and then but he held his ground because he knew the news would come out eventually. "I'll think about it."

"Okay, thank you." After that, he took a seat next to Ruby.

"Hey hot stuff," Ruby said.

"Hey. Didn't see you on the bus this morning."

"Yeah sorry, the rents drove me," Ruby answered. "So what were you guys talking about?"

"Confession. Just leave it at that."

Once the bell rang, all 18 seats were filled.

"Good morning and welcome to English 10. I know how much you guys don't want to be here and let me tell you, the feelings mutual; it's way too early. My name is Mrs. Modica. I would like to tell you a bit about myself first. My favorite color is magenta. I'm married and have a 2 year old daughter named Taylor and my family and I moved here this summer from Alaska. We're going to go around the room and I want you to tell me your name, favorite color and something you did over the summer. I used to hate when teachers did this but it's a great icebreaker," she said with a smile. One by one, his classmates introduces themselves until it was Sam's turn.

"Uh I'm Sam. My favorite color is green and this summer… I received treatment for my leukemia. It's a blood cancer. No, you can't catch it because it's not a cold. It's only in my cells, in my DNA and nobody else's. Just treat me like anybody else." Ruby took her cue and began to speak.

"Hi I'm Ruby. My favorite color is ironically red and this summer-" she pointed her thumb to Sam. "I spent a lot of time with this nerd." Sam smiled at her. She always seemed to know how to lift his spirits, Even though it was kind of a backhanded compliment. After her statement, he didn't feel so out of place. He mouthed a 'thank you' and she replied with a wink.

During class he was handed his schedule and found out that he had 3 classes with Ruby English, gym and math which was a relief. The rest of the day went by well. He found out that Dean was in one of his classes and in his lunch block every other day. He was told that he didn't have to do gym, so instead he could hang out in the library. Even though he loved gym, with all the fatigue and the chemo, he didn't think he could do it. When Sam got home, his dad was still at work so he made himself a sandwich. The first thing John asked when he opened the door at 3 was about his day.

"It was pretty good. I see Dean every other day and Ruby's in my home room. And I met a new friend. His name's Ash he's pretty weird but kind of cool."

"See, told you that you were gonna have a good day."

***S*P*N***

"Adam is a 97 % match," Doctor Pike informed both Imogen and John.

"Are you sure?"John asked.

"Positive. Mr. Winchester, Adam is your son."

"Thank you," John responded as they both left the room.

"I wanted to ask you something," Imogen asked. John stopped walking and turned around.

"Ask."

"Uh… is Sam… does Sam have some sort of a cold or something. I'm only asking because he looks sick. I don't know... I just…" John looked at the ground. He was hoping that if it came up, Sam would be the one to tell her, it wasn't his place. "What are you not telling me?"

"What's Adam like?"

"Don't change the subject. What are you not telling me?" Imogene paused. John was quiet. This is what he had always done, when a subject came up that he didn't want to talk about, he would diverge the conversation to something that he was more comfortable with. "Fine. I'll answer your question but you have to answer mine next. Deal?" John gave her a short nod. "Okay, well he's funny, sweet and smart, when he actually applies himself. Lately he's been going through this rough patch, I don't know."

"What do you mean a rough patch?" John asked. If the kid was anything like John when he was younger and going through his 'rough patch', it meant that the kid was the equivalent to the devil.

Imogene rolled her eyes. "He just…uh well I guess it's been going on for a year now. He's been making changes to himself like to his appearance. His hair used to be dirty blond but now it's black and longer. I guess he's just trying to find himself and I really have no problem with that, I think it's good when kids want to find themselves because they're their own persons," Imogen finished. She sounded so passionate towards Adam and it made John wonder what she would have been like with Sam, if she had stayed. "Now please, can you answer my question John?"

John didn't look at her at first. "Sam… uh… Sam's sick."

"I got that. With what?"

"Leukemia, AML. The chemo isn't working as fast as it should. The doctors were talking about a bone marrow transplant. Just talking."

"He's not dying is he?"Imogen asked mortified.

"I don't…He's going to be just fine."

"Is it a donor that Sam needs? If Sam needs a donor, Adam will be his donor. Anything that he needs we'd be happy to-"

"Hold on. The doctor said that we should wait to see if another combination of medicine will work, he's only been on chemo for about 3 months, he doesn't need it now." John usually didn't like to share information so easily but talking to Imogen, was simple. He hated how he was still drawn to her even though the feelings that he had had for her in the past were gone.

"John, why didn't you tell me?"

"Well it's kind of hard to tell you these things when I couldn't get a hold of you. When your parents found you, by that time, Sam was starting to walk and I couldn't travel around with a baby nor could I leave him. He needed at least one of his parents."

Imogene nodded "Sam…" she took a deep breath. "He hates me with a passion doesn't he?"

"Well he's not too fond of the situation but he could never hate you."

"How do you know?"

"Because, his hearts too big," John said with a smile.

Imogene's eyes started tearing up and she nodded, accepting his reassurance. "When can I talk to him?"

"How about now? He's actually in treatment but he just started."

"I can't-"

"You can and you will. Waiting isn't going to make things any easier," he advised.

"Will he be too sick?"

"Nah, he usually never throws up during treatment anymore. It's afterwards that you have to worry about."

"Okay then, lead the way."

"When you get in there, don't stare. His self-esteem will go even further down the drain and right now, it's not that high to begin with. Don't talk to him like he's sick either; he hates it when people treat him differently, like he's weak, 'cause he ain't. That boy in there has been through a lot and he's a fighter. I want you to treat him like one."

"Okay, you've got it."

"I just wanted to make those points clear. Let me talk to him first," John said as he walked toward Sam. Sam was talking to Garth who, by the looks of it, was about ready to leave. He was being unhooked. He walked a bit closer to Sam and he turned around. "Hey Sammy, we just came back from the doctor and they found out that Adam is a match..."

"So… what now?"

"We'll obviously have to take it one step at a time. There's someone who wants to talk to you."

Sam immediately knew who he was hinting towards. "What if I don't want to talk to her?"

"Well the way I see it is that you aren't going anywhere for a few hours so you have no choice." Sam scowled at him and rolled his eyes. "I want you to be respectful to her, even though you don't think of her as your mom, she's still an adult. Listen to what she has to say. As much as I hate 'talking things through' I think you guys need it, she thinks you hate her. She wants to explain herself because she thinks it's important."

"Maybe I do hate her," Sam spat.

"Nah, I know you don't."

"How do you know?"

"Because I've known you all your life, your heart is about the size of a pumpkin, you don't hate her." Sam opened his mouth for a comeback but realized he didn't have one. "I'm going to leave you guys to talk for a little bit. I promise I won't leave you long."

"Whatever." John patted him on the as a way of encouragement.

He walked over to Imogen. "Well, he's as ready as he'll ever be." That was her cue to go. She walked slowly towards him. This was it. What would his response be towards her? Despite what John had told her, Sam hated her and she knew it. She wished she could take everything that she had done back, but she knew she couldn't. "Hi Sam."

"Why?" Sam asked immediately in a hushed toned, like it pained him to ask. All these years, this question had been building up and now he finally had the chance to ask it. "Why did you leave me and my dad? Were we not important to you? Did you even ever love us?" Sam asked. Each question felt like daggers to Imogen.

"Let's start from the beginning." She paused to look at the son that she had never known. He looked so much like John but he had her eyes. She couldn't help wonder if John thought so too. "Uh… Before your dad and I started dating, I struggled with depression. When I found out that I was pregnant with you, I wasn't taking my antidepressant and my doctor said that it wouldn't be good for you if I started taking them again. The pregnancy was good, but toward the end I started feeling depressed again so right after you were born, I was put on some more. I stopped taking them after the first bottle 'cause I thought that I was fine. That's the worst thing I could've done but at that time, I wasn't right in the head. I was 18, I felt Overwhelmed and I felt like my whole world was slipping right through my fingers. Did your father tell you about Adam?"

"Yeah, he did."

"Well about 2 months after I… left…. my boyfriend Mark at the time made me go to the doctors because he had noticed some peculiar behavior. The doctors told me that I was pregnant and after some more testing, the diagnosis was in and it turned out that I had been suffering from bipolar disorder. My doctor told me that if they hadn't of caught it sooner, then I would've had attachment problems with Adam, which is exactly what I had with you. At that point, you must have been 5 months old, I felt like I couldn't go back. I was also seeing a different guy so that was another reason. I thought Adam was Mark's. When I had Adam, you were about a year old and it just made it that much harder. I admit that I was a coward. And I screwed up a lot of people's lives, including mine because I missed out on you guys and I honestly regret that. If I could take it all back I would do it in a heartbeat, wouldn't even have to think about it. At the time I didn't know what I had thrown away and I know that I'm the worst person for doing that to you, you can admit it because it's the true."

"I don't think you are," Sam said. For so many years, he had been harboring all this anger towards her but after hearing the reason why, he wasn't as angry anymore. All the bitterness and all the emptiness that had been built up for 15 years was starting to fade and it was truly a weird feeling. His hand seemed to have a mind of its own and it grabbed her hand. "What's Adam like?"

"Well he's sweet funny and smart when he wants to be. Probably the exact replica of you," she said with a smile. "Your dad and I found out the paternity test results," she trailed off.

"Yeah, I know. He told me when he came in here."

"Your dad told me about the bone marrow transplant. I want to get Adam tested. But mostly, I want to say how sorry I am and that I feel like a coward for even leaving you and your dad and I have blamed myself ever since I left you. You guys didn't deserve what I put you through and I feel stupid and I don't expect you to ever-"

"**I forgive you**," Sam said slowly cutting her off. His heart was pounding. There they were, the three words that he thought he would never be able to say, could never say. Sam had always told himself that he never would but after hearing her side of the story, he felt different, more accepting. Maybe even a little sympathetic. The words that he thought she didn't deserve a month ago were easily given freely now and they were genuine. "**I forgive you**."

***S*P*N***

**I would LOVE IT if you guys reviewed! Please?**

*****Next chapter Preview:**

Dean rolled his eyes at Anna and shuddered at the thought of oatmeal. "Help me put this away."

"You better get used to it. By the looks of it, mom likes it. That means it's going to be in our food a lot. "

"What? It can be in different foods? Were all gunna die..." Dean muttered as he started to put the dish in a container.

"Why don't you like oatmeal?"

"I don't know, I just don't."

"Is it because… dad liked it?" Anna asked.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own supernatural.**

_Spnfan/SpnFan/ SPNfan__-_** you gotta log in! Or (since you're like the only one who reviews) can you tell me why you like it? Or what I can fix?**

Soaha-** Yeah I know… Poor them. I don't know why we like to hurt them… But thanks for your review.**

**Did anyone know twice the winchester mistake? Thanks **

XX-SchitsoManiacAmutoLuver-XX

*****Thanks to you AGoodOmen!**

**WARNING: SOMEONE WILL GET HURT! I almost didn't put this chapter in but I incorporated it in to some other chaps so decided to stick with it. If I hadn't of put this chap in, it would've became a deleted scene. I think I have like 1 so far…**

**Chapter 9**

"Tell me why we're here again?" Dean asked Lisa.

"I told you like 6,000 times. We're going Christmas shopping." Christmas was Lisa's favorite Holiday. Not because of the presents, although they were nice, but because it was a time to hang out with family. Her older brother Daniel always came home from college and everyone just seemed to be generally happier.

"Christmas isn't for another 3 weeks though," he complained.

"Dean, I know you like to procrastinate and get your Christmas shopping done like two days before but it's actually good to get things done early. What if there's a huge snow storm right before Christmas and I can't get the stuff I need, huh? Besides, I'm volunteering at that camp again and I need to get stuff done. Look at the bright side, at least the stores don't look packed. Think about how packed it will be a week before Christmas," Lisa told him. She had been begging Dean to go with her for a few days now. The last time Dean they had gone shopping together was about 3 months after Dean had started chemo. They had gone because his clothes were getting too big and he needed some hats. This time, Dean had only agreed to go with her if he didn't have to try on clothes. Lisa didn't mind, she just wanted to go shopping, Dean never took her anywhere near a mall.

"Ok, where to first? I promised my mom we'd be home for dinner. She's making Mac & cheese soup," Dean added.

"Well…" Lisa said pulling out her list. "I have to get my mom a necklace, my dad this book he wanted, my brother a microwave and Sam the complete 8th season of some show called Supernatural… that's it. I've said all of them."

"Um…Aren't you missing someone?" Dean asked with a nervous chuckle. "I was thinking of a person very close to you…right now… who has a Black Sabbath sweatshirt on…who loves burgers…" Dean listed.

"Oh, I'm sorry I totally forgot your mom. She's been so nice. Oh and how could I forget! Anna too she-"

"Lisa…" Dean whined.

"I'm just kidding Dean. You know that. I didn't forget about you handsome." Dean tried not to redden at the nickname. "I would never," Lisa said kissing his cheek.

"I know that…"

"Besides, I've already bought your present. Turn right, we have to go get my mom's necklace," Lisa said leading Dean over to a jewelry store.

"Hello welcome to Galaxy's Jewelry. Do you need any assistance?"

"Oh, no thank you. I think I know what I'm looking for," Lisa responded.

"Ok, well if you want to look at any jewelry behind the glass close up, let me know. I hope you find everything okay."

"Me too," Dean mumbled.

"Thank you, we will."

"Do you have any idea what this necklace look like?" Dean asked.

"It has two- there it is." Lisa said quickly walking over to it.

"The angel wing one?" Dean said looking at the simple necklace.

"It's so beautiful and it's just what she needs."

"How about the butterfly one? I thought she liked butterflies."

"I really wanted to get her this one… but that butterfly one over there is beautiful too… oh! What about that dove one right here? It's gorgeous too! No this heart one is perfect!" Lisa squealed.

Dean leaned on a nearby wall._ Why did I even agree to come?_

***S*P*N***

By the time they got out of the jewelry store, or _jewelry hell_ Dean would call it, it was 30 minutes later and Dean was starting to get hungry.

"I just know my mom is going to love the butterfly necklace!" Dean rolled his eyes at her comment. The butterfly necklace was the one he had recommended from the start.

"Dare I ask… what's next?"

"Well my dad's next then my brother then Sam. Their presents are at the same store."

"Ok lead the way," Dean told her. His stomach could wait for now.

Once they got there, Lisa was able to find her brother's microwave and Sam's TV series easily. Her dad's book on sociology was very difficult to find. They had to go to a different store since they couldn't find it.

"Can you not get him like Volume 4? You said that he had never read it before."

"No he needs volume 5. He's read volume 4, its volume 3 he hasn't read," she corrected.

"Then why not get him that one?!" Dean practically yelled. He was tired of being at the mall and he was so hungry that his stomach was hurting. Frankly, he wasn't in the holiday spirit at that moment.

"Because I told you, he hated it and never finished-"Lisa paused when she noticed that Dean was leaning heavily on one of the shelves. "Babe, you ok? Are you in pain?" Lisa asked him in a muted voice.

"No I'm fine," Dean said sharply.

"Yeah I can see that."

He instantly regretted his tone. He hadn't meant for it to come out like that. "I'm sorry Lisa. I didn't mean to snap at you. And No, I'm not in pain I'm just- do you mind if we go or I just get something to eat?" Dean asked.

"Sure, not at all."

"Let's just look for the book first," Dean insisted.

"That's ok; I'm not going to be able to find it anyway. I'll just order it online. Let's go get something to eat," Lisa said grabbing his hand and leading him to the food court. "What sounds good?"

"Um… well since we're sharing, what do you want? I can eat just about any-"

"Tofu kebabs!"

"Absolutely not," he said firmly. The thought of tofu made him want to throw up.

"Oh come on Dean! Tofu is so good! It just soaks up whatever sauce they put on it and it's just-"

"Absolutely not," Dean said again. He didn't have to hesitate. He had told Lisa from the beginning that he would never eat tofu.

"Ok fine… how about…. Sal-"

"Let's not finish that sentence."

"Come on Dean you said anything! We had burgers last time I ate with you!"

"Yeah, but that wasn't a real burger and it was like 2 weeks ago!" Lisa crossed her arms. "Ok fine. How about we just get a sandwich and that way, we'll both be happy," Dean suggested.

"Ok fine. Let's get in line there's like two people. What do you want?" Lisa asked as she pulled Dean over to the line.

"How about the… meatball-"

"Sounds good."

"We finally made a decision about something, good timing too cause we're next."

When they were finished making the order, they sat down at a table and started eating their sandwich. To Dean, it was heaven. To Lisa, it hit the spot. Once they were finished, Dean looked at his watch. It was 6:38.

"Ok, what else do you have to get?" Dean asked as they threw away their trash. "We have a bit of time before dinner."

"Well… I need to get a jacket for Anna. She said she wanted a green utility jacket."

"My mom already bought her one," Dean informed her.

"Oh then I'll have to get her a laptop case. Hasn't she been asking for that since she got her computer?"

"Yeah, she wants a yellow one. I don't even know why she likes the color yellow. When I think of yellow, I think of pee." Lisa smiled at his comment.

"Well why do you like the color blue?"

"Because it doesn't remind me of pee," Dean simply said. "I'm going to get her a flash drive because she's always using mine. She's always using my stuff..."

Lisa just scoffed. "Turn here. The computer store is this way."

"There's like nobody in here," Dean commented.

"Yeah, I know. That's a good thing," Lisa said. By the time they were out of the computer store, it was time to go home and it was starting to get dark. As they were walking out, they heard yelling behind a vacant store. It looked like a couple.

"You should have never broken up with me Nella," a boy yelled. He sounded like he was in his teens. From what Dean could see, he had blond curly hair.

"Matt, get out of here! Don't you get it? I don't want to be with you. Please just leave me alone," the girl said furiously. She had red hair that was styled into a long bob. Her face was red from crying.

"No. you see I can't do that," Matt said pulling out a gun.

"Whoa…Lisa, call 911. I'm going to try to hold him off till the police come," Dean told her.

"Dean no-"

"I can't just let these too teens mess up their lives. I've hunted monsters before, holding off two teens won't be nearly as difficult," He told her. He walked towards the couple.

The boy pointed the gun at Dean. "Don't move!" He noticed the guy had tears training down his face too.

"Don't do this Matt- please don't!" The girl said crying. He pointed the gun at her.

"I have two bullets in here…one for me and one…one for you Nella, I love you… and – and we are going to be together, **forever**. Nobody… can break what we have together. We love each other," Matt said in a shaky voice. In fact, his whole body was shaking.

"Matt is it?" The boy only glanced at Dean then went back to staring at the girl.

"Get the hell out of here," he told Dean. "It will all be over soon," Matt said.

"You have so much to live for; you don't have to do this," Dean said. He meant it.

"Shut up! I only want to be with Nella. Nobody else."

"How about you put the gun down," Dean offered calmly. "You haven't killed anyone yet, there's still a good chance that you could walk away from all of this scot-free."

"You don't know shit about what I'm going through!"

"You may be right but I know that killing yourself isn't worth it. If you really loved Nella than you would never let anyone lay a finger on her- including yourself. Whatever you're dealing with, it will get better. Trust me," Dean finished.

Matt started to breath heavily. Tears started to run down his face. It seemed like Dean was breaking through to him.

"Please matt," Nella pleaded.

"I'm sorry Nella. If I can't have you, no one can," Matt said. When Dean heard the familiar click everything seemed like it was in slow motion. Without thinking, he swiftly pushed the girl out of the way just as the gun went off. As Dean and Nella hit the ground, he heard another shot.

"Dean!" Lisa screamed. She ran up to him to see if he was alright.

"Lisa, I'm fine I just landed wrong."Dean went to sit up but he was pushed back down with crippling pain on his right shoulder. He had been shot.

When the paramedics arrived, Dean was holding his shoulder and he was sweating.

"Dean is it? We need you to move your hand so we can see the damage," a paramedic ordered.

"I can't… it hurts," Dean said. His breathing was shallow. He was so tired. Why wouldn't these people just go away? Couldn't they see that he was so tired?

"On the count of 3 I want you to move your hands." Dean agreed and on the count of 3 he did just what he was told. They quickly put an oxygen mask around his face and started to stop the bleeding. Once he was okay to transport they got him into the ambulance and to the hospital.

***S*P*N***

When Dean had woken up the next morning, he was groggy and he didn't have the slightest idea why he was at the hospital and why his arm or why his arm was in a sling. Lisa had to fill him in. She told him about the boy Matt and his ex Nella and how Dean had tried to talk him out of it. She explained that when he had tried to shoot Nella, that Dean had tried to push her out of the way and how the bullet had gotten him instead.

"You had to have surgery to get the bullet cause it was lodge into your shoulder. The docs said that if the bullet would've been an inch higher, it would've hit your collar bone."

"Why am I so dumb? I should've beaten him up when I had the chance. The one time I listen to my mom and use my words, this is what happens."

Lisa laughed. It was amazing how Dean could make light of the scariest situations.

"So is my mom here?" he asked.

"She had to step out for a second to talk to the doctors."

"So you said my shoulder?" Dean looked down at his hospital gown and felt his right arm.  
"What happened to my clothes?"

"They had to cut it off actually because they had to get to the wound."

"Damn it! That was my favorite shirt…" Dean pouted. "What happened to the two teens?"

"Well-"

"They both died didn't they?" He asked in panic. Then he remembered that Matt had only had 2 bullets.

"No no, the girl lived but the guy… he was dead when the paramedics got there."

"Damn it."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," Lisa said, trying to comfort him. "You're a hero. Remember that."

"Oh yeah? If I was such a hero then why did that guy die?"

***S*P*N***

Dean had just been dosing off when he heard a soft bang on his door. It had only been 3 days later and Dean was getting antsy. He desperately wanted to leave the hospital, he couldn't stand them, but the doctor had wanted him to stay so he could heal. He felt like he was obligated to take a long break from hospitals ever since his remission. It was now Christmas break. He had missed 4 days of school. This obviously wasn't the first time he had missed school for a long period of time but it was the first time since he had been in remission. He hated missing it more, as weird as it sounded. It made him feel isolated and like the whole world was going on without him, leaving him in the dust.

"Come on in," he encouraged. The door opened, a red haired girl walked in. Her hair was up in a pony tail and she had on a grey cardigan and a dark blue, white polka dotted skirt.

"You may not recognize me but… you saved my life."

"I remember you. How could I not? Your ex is the reason I'm here. It's Nella right?"

The girl nodded. "I just wanted to say thank you and that you're the reason that I'm standing here right now. I'm sorry for what Matt did."

"Well you don't have to say that. It's not like I'm a-"

"Hero? Don't ever say that. It wasn't your fault that Matt died, it wasn't. How could you have saved us both? He didn't want to be saved, it's as simple that," Nella finished. She then told Dean that Matt had been abusive towards her and that he had attempted suicide a few weeks prior. "You're a hero and don't let anyone tell you differently."

"Thank you…About matt… I'm sorry he's gone now. That suicide thing… I don't know if that makes feel better or worse."

Nella smiled sadly at him. "I know it's not the best news but all I'm trying to say is that it wasn't your fault. I had tried to get him some help but he refused to listen to me. Even his parents tried but they couldn't get through to him. And yeah I'm sad but I'll eventually have to get through it, I have to for myself. I don't want to keep you long. I just wanted to show my gratitude for what you did for me," she said pointing to herself for emphasize. "And what you did for him." She paused for a moment. "Whatever you may think, you're still a hero."

***S*P*N***

The next morning, Dean was allowed to come home. His doctor had advised him to take it easy for the next few weeks till his stitches and shoulder stabilizer- which kept his shoulder to his side- were able to be removed.

"Can I please go take a walk?" Dean begged his mom.

"No. you need to rest."

"I'm tired of resting. I've been doing that for a year. I want to do something! Lisa's not here to keep me company. Come on." Lisa was volunteering at a winter retreat for Children who had autism for a few days. It was something she had done, willing, every year since she was 13. Because she was worried about Dean, he had to practically beg her to go and had to reassure her that he'd be fine without her.

"Dean you just got back from the hospital and you're sore all the time. You think I'm going to let you go around the block? What if you trip on the ice out there?" Dean looked outside. It had just snowed the night before but it didn't look too bad.

"It's just one loop. Mom, it doesn't even look icy. I'll even get the mail while I'm out there," Dean said exasperated. "Come on I'll take it slow! I swear. I'm not even in pain anymore. See," Dean said trying to move his shoulder with little success. The movement still made his arm hurt a bit but he wasn't about to tell his mom that. It was kind of weird seeing his mom being so overprotective, usually she gave him space.

"Okay fine, I will let you walk around the block. I want you to call me when you're almost home, okay?" Dean agreed and kept his mouth shut. He didn't want her to change her mind. As he started putting on his shoes, he felt a throbbing pain.

"You better not let mom see you like that. Here, Let me help you," Anna said as she bent down to help him into his shoes. She then helped him with his jacket. Doing tasks with one arm were difficult.

"Thanks Anna. I owe you one."

"Don't worry about it big brother…you owe me a lot," she said with an evil smirk walking away. Dean couldn't help but smile. She had learned that evil smirk from him.

Halfway around the block, he realized that his mom was right; his shoulder had starting to hurt a little. When he got back to the house, he grabbed the mail and started to flip through it. Mary Campbell…Mary Campbell… Mary Campbell… Dean Campbell. His first thought was that it was probably sympathy mail or a congratulations letter; he had been getting a mixture of both a lot recently. When he walked in the house, he kicked off his shoes noting the fact that it was easier removing the shoes than actually putting them on then he handed his mom her mail. Lastly, he sat down to open his letter. It didn't have a return address. In the envelope there was a little note and a slip of paper.

**Here's my thanks to you.**

He took out the small slip of paper, it was a check. His eyes skimmed over it and he almost stopped breathing at the total amount which was 8,550.

"Mom? I have to tell you something."

"What is it?" She ask walking in the living room. Dean handed her the check.

"What's this for?"

"I don't know, it's anonymous," he answered completely baffled.

"Well… I say you should keep it. It's obviously yours and Dean-o, I think it's safe to say that you definitely deserve it after the hell you've been through."

That night, Dean decided to call Lisa. She had one more day at the retreat left.

"Hey babe."

"Hey, what are you doing right now?" Dean asked.

"Walking to the dining hall, the leaders have a meeting but I'm a little early what's up?"

"I just received 8,550 bucks."

"What? From who? You're joking."

"I'm not joking and I'm not sure who it's from, it was anonymous," he explained.

"Hm… wait, maybe it was that girl! What was her name again?"

"Uh Nella…"

"And her last name?"

"I think it was Cogel… I think that's what I heard. It was on the news but I only watched like a minute of it."

"Duh! How could I not have known?! Danielle Cogel. She's the daughter of the man who owns the hospital you were staying at."

"… How did you know that?"

"Because I pay attention to people, that's how. You know, I think I've actually seen her before…"

"I pay attention!" Dean pouted.

"Dean, your attention span is worse than a gold fish. I don't think so."

***S*P*N***

"Wake up Dean! It's Christmas!" Anna shook Dean. Dean pulled the blankets up over his head. Anna had been waking Dean up for Christmas ever since she could talk. Because of her, Dean dreaded Christmas mornings. Anna waking him up early for Christmas was inevitable. He had even tried locking his door at one point but she still managed to get in.

"Get out of my room! You always do this! Year after year after year!" Dean yelled.

"But it's Christmas!" She pleaded.

"… Why do you always do this to me?" Dean groaned. "I'll be out in a minute."

"Whatever you do, don't go back to sleep," she reminded him. Dean threw a pillow at her but she dodged the flying object and went down to the kitchen.

"Is he awake?"

"Yeah, you know how he doesn't like to get up on Christmas."

"It's weird since he's a morning person…"

"I'm up and I can hear you…. Are you happy? Sorry I'm late. I had to put my sling on and I had to call Lisa." Dean explained walking into the kitchen. His hair was going in all different directions. It had grown a lot since he stopped chemo. It was to his ears now.

"Oh yeah, it's her birthday today right? Is she still coming over?"

"Maybe. I'm going over to her house later. What's for breakfast?"

"Cinnamon maple Quinoa casserole," Mary responded. Dean looked at the casserole.

"Keen on what?"

"It's quinoa. It's a type of whole grain." Mary handed Dean a spoon. "I want to start eating healthier."

"But we do… I thought I was supposed to gain weight not lose it!"

"Try it."

Dean examined the spoon. "Am I gunna like throw up or something?"

"I promise you won't."

"Here goes nothing," Dean muttered with a one arm shrug. He put the spoon in his mouth.

"So how do you like it?"

"It's good," Dean mumbled.

"I'm so relieved. You're going to love the new healthy foods! I'm going to go get ready, have a bowl and I'll be right down."

"Okay mom, we will."

Once she was gone, Anna looked over at him. "You hated the quinoa didn't you?"

"Hated it so much," Dean said putting his spoon in the sink. "Did you like it?"

"I thought it was pretty good, it tasted like oatmeal. I'm surprised she didn't catch you in a lie."

Dean rolled his eyes at Anna and shuddered at the thought of oatmeal. "She probably did, mom has a sixth sence. Help me put this away."

"You better get used to it. By the looks of it, mom likes it. That means it's going to be in our food a lot. "

"What? It can be in different foods? Were all gunna die..." Dean muttered as he started to put the dish in a container.

"Why don't you like oatmeal?"

"I don't know, I just don't. It's just mushy and gross."

"Or is it because… dad liked it?" Anna asked. Dean stiffened. "Why don't you ever talk about him?"

"No it's not because dad liked it," Dean insisted. "And I talk about him."

"No Dean, you don't. I mean sure you say little comments but I have never heard you full on talk about him. It's healthy to talk about him sometimes, you know."

"I don't need you to tell me what's healthy and what's not," Dean put the leftovers in the refrigerator. Taking a deep breath, he turned back to Anna with a softer expression. "Look Anna I know you want to be a psychologist someday but, stop picking at my brain. I let dad go a long time ago."

"I was just trying to help. Sorry for picking at your brain," Anna apologized. She didn't believe Dean but wasn't willing to push him further. She was surprised that she got that much out of him.

"Eh, it's alright. I pick on you sometimes."

Anna rolled her eyes. "More like relentlessly…"

"As your big brother, that's my job!"

Anna smiled at him. "You need to get a new job…"

***S*P*N***

**REVIEW!**

*****Next chapter Preview:**

"Dean, Jimmy and I have something to tell you."

"Yes we do," Jim said making googly eyes at Mary. Dean felt like he was going to vomit. "So as you know, your mom and I are in the medical field and we just clicked. Your mom and I are getting married! Happy birthday Dean!"


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

*****SPNFAN- dang hold your horses. Maybe if people logged in and reviewed the chapters would be coming more… just a hint**

**Thanks to Janedoe452 formally AGoodOmen**

"_Dean, Jimmy and I have something to tell you."_

"_Yes we do," Jimmy said making googly eyes at Mary. Dean felt like he was going to vomit. His mom and his doctor?! There was no way. "So as you know, your mom and I are both in the medical field and just clicked you know? So your mom and I have decided to get married!_ Happy birthday Dean_!"_

Dean jolted awake and looked around his room. His mom was sitting on the edge of his bed. He sighed in relief. "It's all a dream… it was all a dream." He whispered to himself.

"You okay?" Mary asked.

"What?" He asked dazedly; sleep still seemed to be calling him.

"I was just saying happy birthday... bad dream?"

Dean rubbed his eyes. "Yeah, something like that…"

"What about?"

"You don't want to know… I didn't even want to know."

Mary smiled at his comment. "Well alright, you have school in a little bit. Get ready. I have a surprise for you."

"What is it?"

"I'll give you a hint: Its food," Mary said leaving Dean to get ready. Dean lay back down for a few more minutes before deciding to take his shower. Since he still had his port, he had to make sure he cleaned it every day and covered it before his shower. He looked at his port. This was the only reminder that his cancer ever existed. His doctor had advised him to keep it in for a year. Mainly for precautions and easy access for another blood transfusion, like when he was shot. It had been a little over a month since his injury and his shoulder was about healed. He still had a little bit of stiffness but it wasn't anything that physical therapy couldn't fix. He felt good and he hadn't felt that in a long time.

After he was done with his shower, he got dressed in one of his plain grey undershirt with a dark blue flannel shirt and dark jeans. Halfway down the stairs, a sweet smell hit him. He knew what the surprise was going to be. Chocolate pancakes. His mom only made them three times a year: the first day of school, his birthday and the start of summer. Just those three days. Not even for Christmas.

"Why do you only make chocolate pancakes three times a year?" Dean said sitting down at the table. Anna was already sitting across from him eating a pancake.

"Dean, I'm a nurse. What do you expect? Having pancakes for every meal isn't exactly what I would call healthy. I told you: if you could eat a whole salad for me, that I would make them for you more often but as we all know, you can't. I know that you weren't allowed to eat salads when you were on treatment but you should try them now."

Dean frowned. "Yeah… I'm going to have to pass on that one. I think not being able to eat salad was the only good thing that came out of treatment."

"I don't get it… it's not like salads will hurt you. I love them. They're healthy," Anna cut in.

"Yeah," Dean snorted, "says the girl who's on her third pancake. Aren't you like a cheerleader or something?" He joked.

"Shut up," Anna said with an eye roll.

"Duh! It's going to be awesome!" Said Dean enthused. "Mommy, he's here!" Dean shouted.

"I feel bad for all the people who have the pleasure of lifting you up," Dean said, taking a bite. His mom's pancakes were always perfect.

Anna's face brightened. "Then why don't you take my place Dean? I bet they could just fling you in the air with no effort at all," Anna smirked satisfied. Dean glared at her but was quiet.

"In all fairness, you _did_ start it," Mary shrugged as she sipped her coffee. She let the joke pass; Dean wasn't one to get hurt easily. "Hey, Bobby called and he wants you to help him out today. I really don't want you to start working again but I know you do; so think of this as a birthday present. Now don't roll your eyes at this but I don't want you to overwork yourself. I know you tend to do that sometimes but your body just can't do that right now."

Dean slowly nodded. "I know." It was embarrassing when his mom said those kinds of things in front of Anna.

"After you drop Anna off for cheer practice, go straight over to Bobby's. I have to be in for two deliveries so I probably won't be home until late. Okay?" Dean nodded again.

"School. Anna. Cheer. Bobby. Help. Home. Got it."

***S*P*N***

"Hey boy," Bobby greeted Dean, patting his good shoulder. He noticed how boney they still were. Really, how skinny Dean still was. "Dang boy, you need some meat on those bones."

"Trust me Bobby, I'm trying. You try to gain 5 pounds a week. It's harder than losing the weight."

"Yeah well I bet I could do that… so how're ya feeling'?" He asked.

"I've been feeling good, not so sore. Which is nice," Dean said. "There's only a small scar now."

"That's what I like to hear. Now, let's get back to business. I need your help."

"Lead the way old man," Dean teased. Bobby rolled his eyes and led Dean to a blue car that was completely smashed. It looked like it had rolled down a mountain. Twice. "What the hell happened to this?"

"Oh, some dumbos gave their 16 year old daughter this for her birthday and well… she totaled it a week later. She's alright, just some cuts. Never give 16 year olds new cars."

"But, I got a car when I was 16…" Dean said 'as matter fact'.

"Yeah, but your car is from 1967, not from 2013 and definitely not an Escalade. And besides, you're responsible... enough." Dean smirked.

"I didn't even realize what it was…well it's gonna take a lot of work to fix this… four hands are better than 2 huh?" Dean asked as Bobby and he got supplies to start- or rather attempt to fix the car. Dean worked on the undercarriage of the car while Bobby worked on the body. Teamwork at its finest.

"Do you remember that time your dad and I took you on your first fishing slash camping trip?"

"How could I not? I swear those mosquitoes almost ate me alive."

_*****************FLASHBACK*****************_

Bobby Singer had just parked his truck in his sister's drive way when he heard his nephew's voice.

"UNCLE BOBBY! YOU'RE HERE!" Five-year-old Dean yelled as he ran over to his uncle giving him a giant hug then started dragging bobby to the house. "Come on! Mommy and Daddy are waiting inside for us." Dean stopped for a moment and looked at Bobby. "Oh and Anna. But she can't come cause she's too little."

"You ready to go?" He asked following Dean inside his house.

"I'm in the dining room feeding Anna," Mary yelled out.

"Hey Mary," Bobby said giving his younger sister a hug.

"Oh Bobby you don't know how glad I am to see you… Dean has been talking about this trip for days now."

"Has he?" Bobby said with a chuckle looking over at his nephew. Dean was making faces at Anna and she was giggling. "Where's Trevor?"

"Right here and ready to go," Trevor said, walking up to them. "You rented the boat right?"

"Sure did," Bobby confirmed.

"Aw look! All my little boys are going on a camping trip!" Mary teased. "Ok you two, I'm going to go down the check list one more time. You tell me if you have everything I say," Dean nodded an ok. "Toothbrush," she listed.

"Check," the two of them said

"How about clothes?"

"Yup," they both said again.

"Fishing poles and sleeping bags?"

"Check," Bobby said. "Already got them in the car and the tent."

"Matches and a lighter?"

Trevor nodded. "Just packed them."

"Ok I think you two are ready but I have just one more question for Dean…do you have underwear packed?"

"MOMMY…" Dean said embarrassed, face turning red. Both Bobby and Trevor chuckled.

"Okay, Okay… I was just making sure."

"I'm gonna go pack the car and put Dean's car seat in place. Meet me in the car in 5 minutes. Got it?" Bobby said taking the two camping bags.

"We better start heading out if we're going to make it by noon," Trevor said. After Mary said her goodbyes to Trevor she bent down to say goodbye to Dean.

"Come here Dean-o. Give Mommy a kiss before you go." Dean ran up to her and gave her a hug. Mary squeezed her first born tightly and kissed the top of his head. "Are you going to have fun?"

"Of course!"

"Are you going to forget about me?"

"Mommy, I would never! I'm only going to be gone for 3 days…" Dean dragged out, holding out three little fingers.

"Well have fun with daddy and uncle bobby. You behave," Dean only smirked at her.

Having made it to camp, they immediately set off to catch fish. Dean was set on catching the biggest one.

"Dean, I told you to hold on to your fishing rod!" Trevor said aggravated. Bobby was trying to hold back his chuckles. Dean had thrown his whole fishing pole in the lake, again. Trevor looked at the floating Scooby doo fishing device. This had been the third time.

"I'm sorry Daddy… here I'll go get it," Dean said as he started to jump out. Trevor immediately pulled Dean to his chest

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Trevor said. "You cannot jump off the boat Dean. Daddy will go get it." Trevor used his fishing pole to bring the Scooby doo one closer. Once it was by the boat and at reach, Trevor grabbed it. "There."

"Thanks Daddy."

At the end of the day they had only caught a few fish but that was okay, at least they had fun.

On the second day, Bobby and Trevor taught Dean had how to start a fire and they went on a nature walk.

"See these berries here?" Dean looked up at his and nodded with his big innocent green eyes. "You definitely don't want to eat those," Bobby advised.

Dean looked up at his Uncle Bobby. "But why?" Dean asked. Bobby chuckled at the fact that Dean was still in the 'why' stage. Mary and Trevor were probably going crazy.

"Because it says so in this book. But you can't always base it off a book," Trevor explained.

"Are we gunna eat any good berries? I like berries," Dean said nodding his head.

"No, I don't think today Dean-O," said Trevor.

"But mommy says that if I eat berries, I'll grow up big and strong like you and Uncle Bobby," Dean explained.

"Well that's true but these are poisonous berries."

"Poisonous," Dean said slowly. He had heard it before but didn't know what it meant. "What does poisonous mean?"

"Well poison is something that will make you very, very sick," Trevor clarified.

"Is it like when I have a cold and mommy gives me tomato rice soup and sings 'Hey Jude' to me?"

"More sick than that. Like throw up sick."

"Gross! I don't want to eat those berries. No way!" Dean said making a disgusted face.

On the third day, it was time to go.

"You okay Daddy?" Dean asked, noticing his dad scratching his arms and his neck.

"Yeah, these mosquitoes got me good. Those darn things are everywhere."

Dean shook his head. "I don't think so Daddy…you have red spots on your skin and Uncle Bobby told me that there's a plant that makes you itch. Maybe you touched it."

"No Dean, don't be ridiculous, its mosquitoes," he argued.

"He could be right," Bobby cut in coming up from behind them. "Did you pick up any leaves or anything?"

"Yeah but it wasn't poison ivy, I checked in your great big book of everything." Trevor showed Bobby the leaves he had picked that morning. Bobby looked in his book and flipped through the pages.

"Idjit… well you didn't look close enough because there it is right here." Trevor looked at the page then looked at the leaf.

_Shit_, he thought scratching his arm again.

Dean began to laugh. "Daddy, you're silly."

_*****************FLASHBACK*****************_

"I remember that poison ivy business. He was complaining the whole ride home."

"Your father was always a whiny one." Both Dean and Bobby chuckled. "All this laughing is making me hungry why don't you say we take a break and have a snack? We can work on this when we get back."

"Deal. You know what I really want right now?"

"What?"

"A cheese burger with everything on it," Dean said with a smile. Bobby just shook his head.

"You crazy kid," he said. "Well we can go to that burger place you like. That's if you feel like you can stomach it." Dean thought for a little bit.

"Let's do it. I can handle it."

In actuality, Dean chickened out on getting a burger with everything on it and opted for a burger with cheese instead. It was the first real burger he had had in over 6 months and it was great. Bobby had gotten a burger with caramelized onions and pickles; Dean had been envious for a little bit but knew he wasn't ready yet. Once finished, they went back to Bobby's house and began working on the car again. By the time 5 o'clock rolled around, Dean realized it was time to pick Anna up and said his goodbyes to Bobby. He and Anna got home 10 minutes later.

"Why is it so dark inside? Mom always leaves at least one light on." Dean noticed opening the front door.

"Surprise!" Anna yelled. Dean automatically went for his pocket knife and Anna had to hold him down. He hated surprises. "I know you hate surprises but this is kind of the whole point." Dean looked around at everyone. Sam, John, Garth, Andrew, Lisa, Bobby and more were gathered under a sign that said **Happy 18th Birthday Dean!**

"Happy Birthday Dean!" Mary cried emerging from the kitchen. "Dinner is almost ready." Dean didn't answer, he was still in shock. His mom had never thrown him a surprise party before.

"You threw me a surprise party?" He asked.

"Yeah, looks like it. I thought since it was your 18th and all, I would do something embarrassing. I bet everyone wants to talk to you, go on have fun."

***S*P*N***

"What was it liked getting shot?" Sam asked as he took a sip of his water.

"It hurt really badly. It was definitely unexpected because when I pushed the girl out of the way, I thought we dodged the bullet. I didn't even know I'd been hit until I tried to sit up and felt the pain."

"Well I'm glad you saved that girl." Dean just nodded. "So what's it like being in remission?" Sam asked. He hadn't gotten the chance to ask Dean, considering everything that had been happening lately.

"Well it's good. The only thing that's different is that I don't have chemo anymore. I still have all the pain, I still have to go to check up and I still have to take a shit load of meds. I swear if someone were to cut open my stomach, they would find a rainbow," Dean joked. Sam laughed and adjusted his hat.

"I wish I was in remission… doc just told me that I might need a bone marrow transplant."

"Well if it comes to that, I'm sure they'll find you a donor. Don't worry."

"Easy for you to say," Sam sighed.

"You will. Well have a party when you're better."

Sam grinned from ear to ear. "I'm holding you to that."

"Okay guys the birthday pie is ready," Mary informed the group. "Come on up."

"Birthday pie? Really Dean," Garth asked him turning away from Andrew, who he'd been talking to.

Dean turned to Garth, "What have you got against pie?"

"Nothin', it's just that normal people don't usually have pie for their birthday."

"I don't think you could consider me normal," Dean said with a smirk.

"Are any of us?" Andrew commented.

Dean laughed. "Touché my friend, touché."

"Okay, I want everyone to start singing when I push record," Mary told them. Dean rolled his eyes. His mom always videotaped both his and Anna's birthdays every year. The birthday song was off key but Dean wouldn't trade it for anything. The apple pie tasted like heaven to Dean. Pie was also something his mom rarely made, if he wanted pie he had to go get it somewhere else.

By the time everyone was done eating, there were only a few small pieces left and it was time to open presents. Dean always told people that they didn't have to buy him anything but they always did. Lisa had gotten him jacket, he had received weights from Andrew with a note saying he needed to "buffen" up. Garth had painted an AC/DC picture for him and Anna had given him new headphones, since she had broken his last pair. Mary had given him a new guitar and Bobby had promised to change the impala's wheels and fix his speakers. Sam bought him an amulet and Dean received a Led Zeppelin cassette tape from John.

"Thanks for coming guys," Dean said as people were getting ready to leave. Lisa gave him a kiss goodnight and told him that she would text him later. It was almost 12 o'clock when the party ended. The only people left were Sam and John. Anna had gone to talk on the phone in her room and Dean and Sam were watching TV. John was helping Mary clean up.

"Hey can I talk to you privately?" John asked Mary.

"Sure, it's kind of cold out but the porch is the most private it's going to get. We could get out coats," she suggested.

"That'll be perfect," John said grabbing his coat and following Mary out to the porch.

"So what's on your mind?" Mary asked.

"Uh well the doctor said that the new medicine is working a bit faster but they're still keeping Sam on the list. He doesn't want to do it still, doesn't want to think about it even. We haven't even talked about it outside of the hospital. His doctor told him that they would have to clear all the cancer out with some pretty intense chemo and radiation so I think that might have scared him a bit. I mean I don't blame him I would be scared too. He's gonna be sick for a long time," John said. "My biggest concern is what if we get Adam tested, and he's not a match. It will be devastating for Sam, and me."

"Well then he's not and you move on. John, anything could happen," Mary told him as she put her hand on his back to comfort him. "Who knows? He could be a perfect match."

"Everything happens for a reason right?" John said quietly. They were both quiet for a moment until John broke the silence. "How do you always do that?"

"Do what?" Mary asked confused.

"Make me feel more at ease with something that's so… so foreign, so unpredictable?"

"You and me, we need to stick together so we can be strong for our families. Oh and because I'm just that good," Mary responded with a smile. John had the sudden desire to kiss her. He couldn't ignore his feelings anymore. He put his hands on the side of her jaw and brought her face closer to his lips and placed a gently kiss on her lips. All the pain that Imogen had put him through didn't matter. At that moment he realized that he would be alright. Kissing Mary made him realize that he had been hiding his feelings for her within himself so he could keep the past pure, like it had been. "I'm sorry I just… I've wanted to do that for a long time. I don't know what else to say…"

"Then don't say anything," Mary said kissing him back. John pulled away for a moment.

"I can't ignore these feelings anymore… Mary I- I alls I want is you and I see myself loving you. I know this is a lot to take in and it sounds crazy and all but the truth is that I haven't felt like this in a long time. I have blamed myself for a long time now for everything bad that has happened to Sam but you made me feel something other than worthless. I was wondering… or rather-"

Mary kissed him again. "I'll go out on a date with you."

***S*P*N***

*****Next chapter preview:**

"I don't want Sam to know, he needs to focus on himself right now. Last time I checked, he's not doing so well."

"He's going to find out."

"No he won't, not till I'm ready to tell him."

"It's your decision."


	11. Chapter 11

**I was so happy with the amount of reviews and Personal Messages I got that ive decided to post early! Thanks to **

LoveIsAllYouNeed96

becca65d

KimberleeEGauthier

XX-SchitsoManiacAmutoLuver-XX

For reviewing! It really meant a lot.

**Thanks to ****JaneDoe452 formally AGoodOmen…**

**Chapter 11**

"You sure you want to close up shop tonight?"

"Uncle Bobby," Dean drew out with an eye roll. "I'm 18 and perfectly capable of closing the shop while you're gone. I promise I won't over-do anything," Dean assured him. "You're just like my mom."

"Well, we are related…" he offered.

"Not my point."

"Look I just want to make sure, relax."

"Relax?" Dean repeated. He couldn't believe bobby was telling him this. "You know how many times a day my mom asks me about my health?"

"Dean I-"

"Well there's when I wake up, when I don't feel like eating breakfast, if I sneeze, when I go out, when I come back and when I go to bed." Dean ran his hands through his hair. "If I have to have four more years of this, then I'm going to snap."

"Looks like you already have…" Dean gave him a glare. "Just give her some time to adjust. She's never been through the 'remission part' before. I'm sorry I asked."

"It's alright. It's just that I don't need a reminder of my cancer. I have a while till I'm in the clear."

"Yeah, but you've been doing well. What is this, your sixth-"

"Seventh," Dean corrected. "It's been since July."

"Well seven months, my bad. I think you're doing fine. I guess I just need time to adjust too."

"Thanks Bobby… would you just leave now?"

"You want me gone that badly huh?"

Dean cocked his head to the side offering a smirk. "You think?"

"Okay I'll get out of your hair, this hunt'll be over soon 'kay?"

"Yeah, you told me that. Now get outta here!" Dean shooed.

***S*P*N***

"That was Dr. Novak. He wants us to come in," Mary told him. "I bet it's the test results. What if it's bad news? I can't-"

"And what if it's good news? Mom, don't worry. Everything's going to be ok," Dean reassured.

"I really hope so…"

"I know so. You were like this last month. I was fine then wasn't I?"

"Yeah I guess." Mary took a deep breath. "Why are you eating cereal for lunch when I made you turkey burgers?"

"Because I love cereal and nothing can beat beef," Dean said finishing his cereal and putting it in the sink. The turkey burgers were good but, just not the same. Ever since he had began chemo, burgers made him sick to his stomach, he could no longer enjoy a burger from Kelly's diner but the place Bobby took him to, wasn't so bad.

"Dean…"

"What?" He asked innocently.

"You know what…" Mary said sipping her coffee. "Your bowl."

"Fine," Dean said giving up. He washed his bowl out and put it in the dishwasher. "Happy?"

"Very. Hey, John called and he needed help with this project for work so… I'll meet you at the hospital at 11 o'clock. How does that sound?"

"Sounds alright. Well, I'm going to go get ready." Dean walked up to his room to get his towel.

Showers to Dean meant a quiet place for him to think, a place where no one was there but him. He didn't have much time to himself these days with all the doctor appointments and his mom always checking up on him.

Despite how calmly he had dealt with his mom, Dean was always anxious to see what the results would be. He couldn't afford to get bad news this early in the game.

After he was done taking his shower he went to get dressed. As he was getting dressed he looked at himself in the mirror and then at a picture taken a couple years back. All the months of chemo had really taken a toll on his body. Looking at the picture and looking at him now, you couldn't really tell that it was the same person and that was a scary feeling.

***S*P*N***

When he arrived at the hospital, he was early so he waited in his car for a moment before going inside. Doctor Novak was already talking to his mom.

"Mary, Dean could you both follow me, into my office please?" Once in the room Mary and Dean both took a seat

"Hey, can you give my mom something to calm her nerves? She's been practically pulling her hair out. Pretty soon she's not gonna have any left," Dean joked.

Mary knew he was nervous because he was making a joke- and he was playing with his fingers- habits he had picked up when Trevor died.

Dr. Novak rubbed his forehead. Dean's face fell, there was something wrong. "I'm sorry Dean," he apologized. "The cancer has started growing again and has metastasized to your lungs, a little bit in your ribs and it's still in your hip."

Mary put a hand over her mouth in shock. They had gone through so much that, she just wanted everything to go back to normal. Back to the way it was, when Dean wasn't sick, when Trevor was still with them. But when did anything work out for their family?

"What?" Dean thought maybe he hadn't heard right. But he knew he had. His hearing had never been the problem. It had always been the bones.

"The cancer in your bones has started to grow again and has spread to your lung," Dr. Novak repeated. Dean's face instantly fell and he felt like he couldn't breathe.

"Can't you just put me on stronger chemo?" Dean asked, even though it was the last thing he wanted to do or think about. Having chemo was the worst feeling in the world. He wouldn't wish that on anyone, not even on his worst enemies, not even Michael.

"I'm afraid not, the tumor came back and has spread. With the amount of chemo you've already had, more would only make you worse. But what we can do is put you on medicine that will help with the pain closer-"

"Oh wow, that's nice," Dean said with a dry chuckle. "What, now they're going to make me comfortable? Pump me full of meds? Make it seem like I'm not dying? You know what they say, like father like son," Dean said cynically. He couldn't help the bitterness that seemed to bleed out of his voice.

"Dean!" Mary said through tears. "That-"

"How much time do I have?" Dean asked, interrupting his mom. Right now he felt like crawling in a hole and never coming out. Then he wouldn't have to face any of this shit. He could secrete the problems in his life that way. Everything would be better, everyone would be happier. To Dean, everything seemed like it was in slow motion. This could not be happening again. He had been doing so well. How could his cancer spread without him knowing about it?

"Depending on the tumor's growth rate, I would say about 3 to 4 months." Dean was silence. He wasn't even given the luxury of a year… this was too much for him to handle. He felt overwhelmed. "It could be-"

"I've had enough, I need to be alone." He got up from his chair and headed for the door.

"Dean, wait! Let's talk about this," Mary called out but Dean didn't even pause for a moment. He couldn't face anyone right now. He retraced his steps to his car numbly. When he got there he turned the keys and the car rumbled with life.

Dean didn't know where exactly he was going but he just knew the best place for him wasn't a hospital.

***S*P*N***

Life, what a sardonic concept. When a baby is born, they're destined to "live" the greatest life- this extraordinary opportunity- but the second that baby begin living, takes its first breathe, they're already sent off on their long journey to death. Before they can stop to think, their life is swept out right from under them, and it's replaced with a gruesome death sentence. They will never know how to get out of it because there is no way out.

Dean supposed he was one of the lucky ones, he knew when he was going to die and the cause. It was like being on death row, just waiting for your time and knowing that it's about up. He never thought his hourglass would sift his sand through so quickly though. Maybe his had a hole in the bottom. Yeah, that's what it was, a big giant fucking hole.

"I- I have some bad news. Um…I… I have," Dean chuckled. It was all he could do to keep himself from crying. He hadn't cried when his dad's cancer had gotten worse, didn't cry when he was at his funeral or when Dean had been diagnosed with the same cancer that his dad had passed away from. So why was he crying now? Making jokes had always been Dean's defense mechanism but now, he couldn't even form a sentence much less something to laugh at. Dean cleared his throat and started again. "I guess all those tears I kept hidden are starting to make themselves known…Um let me start over. Dad, I'm dying. The doctor just told me that I'm terminal," he paused. "Like father like son huh? At least that's what Michael told me." Dean felt the warm tears descend down his visage. It had been a while since he had felt them.

_Don't listen to Michael, he's just one person._

"And Why shouldn't I? So what if he's one person, Isn't it true?"

_It's not true, you're different than me._

"We're exactly the same and you know it. I can't do this dad. I don't want to die. I made a promise and I have to keep it," Dean said as he remembered the promise he had made to his dad when he was 9. "I need to protect mom and Anna- our family- and I can't do that if I'm dead." Dean roughly wiped the tears from his eyes. He didn't know what much else to say so he finished up the conversation with, "I wish you were here. Dad, if you can hear me, I need your help now more than ever." Dean got up and walked to his car. Once there, he dialed Lisa's phone number. It rang a few times before she picked up.

"Hello Handsome." Lisa perkily greeted.

"Lisa, we need to break up," he said shortly, before hanging up. He felt like a jerk.

***S*P*N***

When Dean got home, he started to make a bee line to his room when a piece of yellow paper cut his concentration. He picked up the piece of paper. It was from his mom.

**Dean, I got called into work. I won't be back until tomorrow morning.  
Thought you might want to be alone so Anna is staying with grandma.  
Dinner is in the refrigerator. No you cannot order pizza.  
But if you do, you better hide all evidence.  
Love you, mom.**

He couldn't help feel bitter for a moment. His mom was delivering babies, whose life was just beginning while his was about to end. After he finished reading her note he went straight to his room. He was glad that his mom was giving him space. He needed time to process the news and honestly, he just wanted to be alone. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he heard the door bell ring. Dean groaned as he got up and went to go answer the door. Once he opened the door, he felt a sharp pain across his cheek.

"What the HELL was that?!" Lisa yelled furiously pushing past him roughly. _Come in_, thought Dean. "Why the hell would you call me, break up with me OVER THE PHONE and then hang up?"

"Lisa-"

"I'm surprised you didn't use the line 'it's not you, it's me!' I just want to know why."

"I-"

"I thought you love me."

"Lisa I do. Just let me explain-"

"There is no way that-"

"I'm terminal. The cancer… its spread to my lungs-" Dean took a deep breath to assemble his thoughts "and some other places. I got the results back today. The cancer came back and I have about 4 months."

"You're lying." She accused.

"I promise you," Dean paused, looking down. "I'm not." He looked back up at her. He watched as the tears started to fall from her cheeks. "I would never joke about this."

"You're lying," she whispered this time. Dean immediately engulfed her into a hug. She was delusional.

"I'm not lying. I broke up with you because I love you. I didn't want you to get hurt."

"I can take care of myself," Lisa said letting the tears fall. "I don't want to break up," Lisa said kissing him on the lips. I'll be there"-kiss "for you" -kiss "as long as you" -kiss "need me" -kiss.

"I never wanted to break up with you either. You make me both excited and nervous at the same time. When you're with me, I'm happy," Dean said as he kissed her again.

"Who have you told?"

"Only my family and you know. I don't want people to know."

"How about your friends? Will Andrew or Garth even know? Will Sam?"

"Maybe Andrew and Garth but I don't want Sam to know, he needs to focus on himself right now. Last time I checked, he's not doing so well."

"Last time I checked, you're not doing so well either. He's going to find out."

"No he won't, not till I'm ready to tell him."

Lisa wiped her eyes. "It's your decision. How long did they say you had?" Lisa asked, not quite ready for the answer.

"About… about 3 to 4 months." Lisa suddenly felt like all the oxygen had been swept from her lungs. This was all too much to take in. So surreal. He was just fine last week. Dean took her in his arms.

"That's not long at all!" Lisa said angrily. She couldn't believe it.

"It's ok if you want to break up with me. I'll understand," Dean painfully told her.

Lisa looked up at him. "I can't believe you would think that I would ever want to break up with you over something you can't control. I would never do that to you and you know it."

"I'm not going to be looking too hot in a few months, what if you change your mind then?"

"I diffidently won't. I'm going to stay with you as long as you need me." _Too bad it couldn't be_ _as long as she needed him._

It's going to be difficult," Dean said softly.

"I know."

***S*P*N***

Lisa quietly walked through her front door. She had been over at Dean's house last night and she didn't want her parents to find out. Nothing had happened that night, she and Dean just held each other. Both were mentally and emotionally tired; but it was what they had needed. In the 3 years that she had known him, he had never shown any huge dynamic in emotions like that. She couldn't believe that this was happening to Dean. Why him? He had been through so much already. He deserved a life without complications just as much as anyone else.

"Lisa Marie Braeden, where have you been?"Her mother Amelia asked, her father right behind. _Spoke too soon…_

"I was at Dean's," she told them.

"Why would you stay at his house all night?!" Her father Max yelled at her. "We tried to call you! You're lucky that we didn't call the police. We were so worried about you."

"I just-"

"What were you doing?" her mom interrupted.

"We went partying all night mom, all night," Lisa dragged out, defiantly. _Did her parents not trust her? _"If you guys must know, I stayed over last night because Dean found out that he relapsed yesterday. The cancer has spread and there's nothing the doctors can do. Okay? I was at his house last night because he asked me to stay. I'm sorry I didn't call but he needed me and I needed him."

They were both silent at first with their mouth agape. It was Amelia who broke the ensuing silence. "Oh honey-"

"I just need some space right now," Lisa said avoiding her mom's hug and rushing to her room. She wondered if Dean felt as helpless as she did at that moment.

***S*P*N***

"What's been going on with you and John lately?" Dean asked. It had been a week since the news. His mom and he hadn't really talked about it because Dean hadn't wanted to. He would always change the subject whenever it came up because, to him, there was nothing to talk about.

Mary was in the process of cutting carrots but she didn't stop. "There's nothing going on."

"Mom, I've known you 100% my life. That means I know when you're lying- I guess your gift was passed down to me. You guys have been acting weird lately. Giving each other googley eyes and making kissy faces at each other."

Mary tuned to look at Dean. "We do not!"

"Gotcha. I knew it. 'John needed help with this project for work.' Did he? Liar... If it wasn't true then you wouldn't have even turned around! When were you going to tell me that you guys were… you know… dating?"

"We're not, he's asked me on a few dates but we're not dating and I don't think we ever will," Mary admitted. Dean looked surprised.

"Why not?" Mary stopped cutting vegetables and gave Dean her undivided attention.

"Dean, why do you think?"

"Mom, I'm not gonna get any better."

"Don't say that… I know that Dr. Novak said that they can't do anymore treatment but there's still hope. I-"

"Usually when the docs tell someone that they are terminal, it means that that person has a very slim chance of getting better."

"Don't-"

Dean took his mom's hand and put it on the right side of his chest. "Do you feel that? It's the port that I had to receive chemo in and under that, more cancer. I'm not saying that it's impossible, because it's not, but my hope is running out. I want to be treated normally. I want you to keep working. I want you to live your life and not feel guilty. And I want you to find someone like dad that'll make you feel happy. Okay?"

Mary shook her head. Her son was dying and all he worried about was that she stayed happy. She agreed to his conditions if only to humor him. "There's always hope Dean," Mary said with teary eyes. She crossed her arms.

"Yes but my mine seems to be running thin. Yours isn't. I didn't want to say this… because you're my mom and all but, you're not ugly."

Mary smiled despite her tears. "Uh… thank you? I don't know if that was sweet or weird."

"Well I'm just saying. I think you and John are…a good match that's all. He's a pretty cool guy and if you wanted to you know…ugh 'date' him then you have my blessing."

"Thank you Dean," Mary said. "It took a lot of guts to admit that didn't it?"

"Mom, you have no idea."

***S*P*N***

**I'm so sorry you guys but we all knew it. Nothing good lasts forever but now's where it gets good ironically**

*****Next chapter preview:**

Dean couldn't take it anymore, the pain was getting worse.

He hadn't slept most of the night because he had been in pain and had woken up at 6 o'clock. He stood up slowly and walked to his mom's room and knocked on the door. He needed to get some medicine.

Mary opened the door to find Dean leaning heavily on the door frame, sweating.

"Dean, are you alright?"

"Mom, I don't feel very good," Dean said.


	12. Chapter 12

It is with a heavy heart that we honor those lost on Sept. 11, 2001.

Never Forget

**Chapter 12**

"What's this for?" Lisa asked, holding up a crumpled piece of paper she found by Dean's trashcan. It was a list.

"Shoot, I don't know," Dean said half listening. He was strumming the chords on his guitar, much to Lisa's dismay. They were supposed to be working on their English homework.

"Well obviously you didn't want it. It doesn't have a title…1: Sky dive 2: Ride on an airplane without being scared…" Dean suddenly knew exactly what she had found. His bucket list.

"Don't read that!" Lisa bolted from the room. Dean quickly put his guitar on his bed and went after. When he got downstairs, she was nowhere in sight. He panicked. Nobody was supposed to read that.

"3: See a chick flick without saying a word. 4: Hunt a djinn," Lisa continued.

"Lisa!" he yelled. "I will break up with you I swear to-"

She only kept reading. "5: Go skinny dipping," she snickered at the last one. Dean finally depicted where the voice came from. The dining room. If she got to numbers 8… he was doomed. He looked under the table. Sure enough, she was there. When she realized that he had found her hiding place, she ran outside.

_Man, its freezing_. She thought. There was snow everywhere and she was in her socks.

"LISA, GIVE IT BACK!" Dean called angrily.

"6: Pet a big tiger… maybe a baby one."

"I'm not kidding please don't read that!"

"7: dance the tango." All of a sudden she felt the paper being ripped out of her hands.

"I told you not to read that! Damn it Lisa! This was a private paper!" Dean yelled. He put the piece of paper in his pocket and started to walk back inside.

"I'm sorry Dean… I know it was private… I just… I wanted to have a little fun and-"

"I was yelling at you to stop!"

"I know I just… I'm sorry," Lisa said trying to catch up to him. "I figured you didn't care about it since it looked like it missed the trash."

"Well maybe you should get your ears checked," Dean said callously. "Let's just finish the homework." Lisa didn't argue but just followed behind him.

***S*P*N***

"I want to take you on a date," Dean said.

"Random much?" Lisa exclaimed stretching. Dean just grinned at her. "You're not still mad at me?"

Dean thought for a bit. "Nah… I could never be angry at you… for long," Dean said as he leaned up to kiss her on the cheek. Lisa beamed.

"Where do you want to go?"

"That's a surprise."

"Dean why-"

"I'm picking you up on Saturday… at 5:30."

"I like how spontaneous this plan is…"

Dean leaned into her and hugged her waist. "I'm always this spontaneous."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves..."

"Oh shoot… I promised your parents that I would get you home by 7. Its 6:45 so we better get going."

***S*P*N***

"Did you read number 8?" Dean asked nervously, once they got to Lisa's house.

"No I swear."

"Are you positive?"

"You grabbed it before I could. I'm sorry again for taking your list I didn't know it was private."

"There's nothing to worry about Lisa. After all, it was in the trash. If it makes you feel any better, I probably would've done the same thing."

"Yeah… you probably would. But why was it being thrown away?"

"Because it was a stupid idea. It was just something I did when I was bored." Dean looked down at the steering wheel. "It's not like I'll have enough time to do all those things anyway."

"we could always try to do some of the things on the list."

"Like?"

"Well we could start by watching a chick flick."

Dean smirked and rolled his eyes. "Of course you would choose that one first. What movie did you have in mind?"

"It's a surprise," Lisa mimicked.

"What else we gonna do on the list?"

"Well we could always go to the zoo?"

Dean was quick to shake his head. "That tiger thing was bull shit."

"Come on Dean, live a little."

"Can we still go skinny dipping?" asked with a mischievous smirk.

"So you're going to pick me up Saturday?" Lisa asked with a smile.

"Yup Saturday, Right after tomorrow. I would take you out tomorrow but I'm having a lot of tests done so… yeah," Dean trailed.

"What are they looking for?"

"Nothing really. They're just going to see how my breathings going and give me more medicine because obviously I don't take enough already."

There were silent for a moment before Lisa asked, "Do you feel pain a lot?"

"Not when I'm with you," Dean responded.

"Good save." Lisa smiled and began to blush.

"THERE IT IS!" Dean yelled. "You look funny when you blush," he pulled back her hair a little. "You know that your ears turn red when you blush?" Dean asked. "I think it's cute."

"Shut up," Lisa said. "So what should I wear to this secret date?"

"I bet you'll look great in anything you wear," Dean answered. There was no way that he was giving up the secret.

"Well I should go. I love you," Lisa said as she kissed him.

"I love you too."

**S*P*N**

Dean couldn't take it anymore, the pain was getting worse. He hadn't slept most of the night because he had been in pain and had woken up. It was finally Saturday and needless to say, Dean felt like crap. The tests that he had had the day before did nothing to improve how he was feeling. He stood up slowly and walked to his mom's room and knocked on the door. He needed to get some medicine.

Mary opened the door to find Dean leaning heavily on the door frame, sweating.

"Dean, are you alright?"

"Mom, I don't feel very good," Dean said.

"Are you in pain or do you feel like you're going to throw up?"

"Pain… back and legs," he responded. "My chest hurts a little too."

"Do you need some medicine?" Mary said, casually touching his cheek to check by instinct to see if he had a fever. She could tell that he was slightly shaking, from the pain.

Dean hesitated. He really needed it but he really didn't want any. But the pain was intensifying and his tolerance for it was decreasing. "Yeah," he finally decided.

Mary got his bag of pills out. Just like there was an app for everything, there was a pill for everything. He had pills for pain, nausea, constipation, vomiting, heart burn and many more.

"Here you go Dean-o," Mary said handing Dean 2 Oxycodone pills and rubbing his back. Dean stared at them. He hated taking Oxycodone, hated how medicine- in general - made him feel. He didn't feel like himself. He walked downstairs to get a drink of water.

When he went to go get a glass, he bumped into something- or rather someone.

"Anna that you? What are you doing up?" When it was a weekend, Anna NEVER woke up before 10 unless she had plans or cheerleading practice.

"Just getting a drink of water is all," she responded quickly.

"Oh ok… so what's the real reason you're down here?"

"Are you going to be able to drive me to Lauren's house later?" Anna said eyeing the hand the medicine was in. "Usually that makes you drowsy…"

"Dammit! I'm sorry Anna I didn't mean to say that." For a second he forgot about having to drive Anna and that he had a date with Lisa. He looked at the 2 small round white pills in his hands and groaned. He set them on the counter and went to get a weaker pain medicine. But they weren't as effective. After taking them, he turned on the stove for hot chocolate. He knew it was Anna's favorite. He went over to the couch and sat down. "Okay Anna, I'm free to talk. I know that's why you came down so early."

"No, it's okay. I just wanted to -"

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" Dean asked. "Yeah correct. It's 6 in the morning. Come take a seat and let Dean work out your problems." After a couple of minutes, Anna saw that Dean wasn't joking and decided to sit down on the recliner. "I feel like I'm a shrink…" Anna laughed; it had been a while since he had heard it so it took him by surprise.

"That's supposed to be my job."

"Yeah well, looks like big brothers going to take over. Better luck next time," he teased. "So how's school going?"

"It's going alright. You of all people should know that since it's the end of the year, we have so many tests to take. It's not even funny."

"And you're only a freshman… wait till you get to senior year… now that's not funny."

"Now I've just got to ace all my tests. Mom would kill me if I didn't. Wish me luck."

"Luck. I wouldn't worry about it; you're pretty smart for being a cheerleader and all."

"You suck at this."

"Dude, I was born to do this." Dean leaned forward, placed his arms against his knees and set his head on his knuckles. "So… how's your little boyfriend? What's that scrawny kid's name? Matthew? Jacob?" Dean teased. Anna blushed. He didn't approve of any boys who liked Anna but that didn't mean he didn't like to joke about them.

"Shut up. And his names Erik. You weren't even close! He's not my boyfriend. And he's not scrawny… he's just really tall."

The kettle whistled. Dean got up and turned it off. He pulled out two glasses. "I bet he is," he said putting water and two spoonfuls of hot chocolate powder into the cups. He put 13 mini marshmallows in each glass. 13 was Anna's favorite number. He got two spoons, stuck them into the mugs andbrought them over to Anna. "Here's"

"Thanks and btw, what if he was my beau? Would it be so bad?"

"First, I don't even know what beau means. And second, all boys are bad. Is beau like some code word that younger people say?"

"Are you even in high school? Put it together!" Anna rolled her eyes and explained that it meant boyfriend. "Why would it be so bad if I had a boyfriend?"

Dean raised a hand up in surrender. "Well excuse me for not knowing but yes it would be bad because I don't approve. As your older brother, I'm always going to disapprove. All boys want at your age is… things like… well things like sex."

"How about you and Lisa?"

"I said YOUR AGE and if you want to get all personal, we actually haven't done anything."

"Why haven't you guys you know…?"

Dean shrugged and took a sip of his hot chocolate; it was still hot but not scorching.

"What if she really wanted to do it?"

"Ok enough about my sex life or lack thereof. How's your hot chocolate?"

"It's really good thanks. Yours?"

"I think it's my best yet." Dean smiled as he took another sip.

Anna looked down at her mug. "Are you in a lot of pain all the time?"

"Ugh, you're just like Lisa. She asked me the same question the other day."

"So?"

"Well not right now but sometimes I can feel it getting worse," he admitted.

"I'm sorry…" Sometimes she felt like if she hadn't of been mean to him or if she hadn't of picked a fight with him in the past that he wouldn't be in this mess. Maybe just maybe if she was never born, he wouldn't be going through this. She couldn't help feeling like it was her fault somehow.

"Don't you ever say that. Look at me," Dean ordered. Anna reluctantly met his eyes. "It's not mom's fault, dad's fault, your fault or anybody else's. Sometimes unexpected things just happen. Nothing could've been done differently. It is what it is." Dean paused for a moment. "And, you know, we just have to deal with them. No matter how bad the situation is, I don't need pity from anyone. What I need is a strong family to be there for me. Okay?"

"Ok," Anna said, nodding her head as she tried to wipe away a few stray tears. Dean put his cup down and stood up.

"Come here," he said, arms wide open. Anna stood up and hugged him while she wiped away more tears. "It's going to be okay. We'll all get through this," Dean said. He said it more to reassure himself but there was no doubt in his mind that his family would get through his death.

***S*P*N***

"Tonight is going to be perfect," he told himself in the mirror as he tried to comb his hair. Ever since his hair had grown back, it was untamable, always sticking out in weird places. It was definitely a challenge going from no hair to lots of hair.

"I bet it's going to be," his mom said behind him. She looked at his black dress pants and light blue button-down shirt. "I remember that tie. It was the first tie dad bought you."

"Then I would need to wear the jacket."

Mary agreed. "I have to go to work tonight but I would love to hear how it goes."

"If it goes okay, I'll tell you all about it. How's my hair?"

"Well it's um… here let me do it." Mary took the comb and started working through his hair. "It's darker than it was before chemo."

"Yeah I know and don't forget a little curlier. I kind of like it this way. It's almost black."

"Why?" Mary asked. She had always liked it lighter. She thought Lighter hair looked better with his features.

"I'm not sure, it just looks better," Dean said with a shrug.

"It looks like your dad's hair before chemo. I guess it was time for your hair to grow up just like you did. There comes a time when little boys grow into men," she said as she finished with his hair. Dean rolled his eyes. "Okay… all done."

"Thanks mom and I'll always be your little boy," Dean said giving his mom a hug. Mary cherished these little moments with Dean because soon, that would be all she would have left.

"You're welcome honey, have fun."

"I almost forgot … can I borrow the truck? I'll let you drive the impala."

***S*P*N***

"Daniel can you do me a huge favor?" Lisa asked coming into her brother's room.

He flipped a page of his book. "It depends what it is."

"Ok well you know how I'm really bad at paint-"

"Absolutely not."

"But you didn't even let me-"

"Finish? You know why? Because I already knew what you were going to say, you're so predictable and I'm not dumb nor am I painting your nails."

"How about you help me or I tell mom that you're the one who hid her snow globe _AFTER _you broke it," Lisa said with a smirk.

"You wouldn't," he said narrowing his eyes at her to see if she was bluffing.

"I would if I was prompted to do so."

"That was three months ago!"

Lisa cocked her head to the side. "You think that matters? I'm not bluffing."

Daniel let out a nervous laugh. "Okay, okay, okay there is no need to tell mom that," said a defeated Daniel. He put his book to the side. "What do you want me to do to your nails?"

"All you have to is copy what's on this side." Lisa pointed to the nails on her left hand. Daniel looked at her funny.

"Are those moustaches?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because Dean loves it when I put moustaches on my nails."

"The infamous blackmail… oh how I hate you."

***S*P*N***

_**Ding Dong!**_

"Daniel, he's here! Do you mind letting him in? I'm still getting ready! I promise 5 minutes tops."

"Sure," Daniel answered as he opened the door.

"Hey- You're not Lisa…"Dean said hiding the flowers behind him again.

"Yeah but I'm much prettier," Daniel said batting his eyes. Daniel had always been the jokester in his family, just like Dean. "Hey man, I wanna talk to you." Dean swallowed. "Don't be scared I'm not going to do anything, I just want to talk. Besides I've already had the _if you do anything to my sister you die _speech."

"Okay…"

Daniel looked him straight in the eyes and put his serious face on. "You're going to treat my sister right. Correct?" Daniel paused for a fraction of a second. "You know I'm just kidding, I know you will. So, how have you been? Long time no see."

"Uh, I've been good."

"You excited about graduation?"

"Yeah, I'm so glad to be getting out of that hell hole."

"Oh it's not so bad. What Lisa's told me, you do really well in school."

"Yeah well schools not that difficult when you, for the most part, get extra time to do assignments." Dean said. "So I mostly did everything at home."

"And that's usually hard to do for most people. What do you have a 4.0?"

"Not anymore. My grades have been slipping a bit. I have a 3.6."

"That's so bad!" Daniel said sarcastically.

"So how's medical school?" He asked. Daniel had mentioned that he wanted to be an oncologist before Dean was diagnosed.

"Pure bliss. I have to wake up every morning and go to these crazy difficult classes," Daniel complained. "I actually like being in med school. Its challenging and it's something that I've always wanted to do."

"Well that's good. Glad you like it. Someday, I hope you make a difference and hell, find a cure for cancer."

"Man, I do too. So I know I asked this before but how are you doing? Like really."

Dean looked at him a moment. He knew. "Well let's just say that I'm not always a hundred percent anymore."

"I just started being an intern about a month ago and we see terminal patience every day. Some of them survive and go on to living their lives to the fullest. You could be one of those people. I don't know how but I just have this feeling that there's something about you that's different."

"Thanks man but I honestly don't think that. There's nothing special about-"

"Special about whom?" Lisa asked walking over to them.

"You look so beautiful…" Dean was mesmerized. Lisa was dressed in a knee length black lace dress that had a V-shaped neck line, quarter length sleeves that were see-through. What made the dress was the synched waist pulled in by the belt. With the dress she had on simple black heel and her hair was in loose curls.

"Thank you. What were you guys talking about?"

"Nothing. Your brother and I were just talking. We have to get going if we're going to make it."

"Ok."

"After you," Dean said opening the door for her.

***S*P*N***

"Tell me again why I have to wear this blindfold?" Lisa asked.

"Just hold tight, we're almost there."

"Can't you just give me a hint?"

"Uh no. I've worked so hard keeping this night from you. I'm not about to ruin it when we're in the parking lot. I'm coming over to your side. Whatever you do, don't take that blindfold off."Dean unbuckled and got out. "Here, grab onto my shoulders." Once Lisa grabbed on, Dean helped her down and led the way into the building. "Ok. Take off the blindfold."

"Oh my gosh! I thought you said you would never take me to an art exhibit!"

"Well I changed my mind. You should thank Garth; he's the one that convinced me to go. He asked the Make-A-Wish foundation to organize this."

"Dean! Dude I can't believe you made it!" Garth said clapping Dean on the shoulder. "The more people the better! Hey Lisa, how're you doing?"

"I'm doing alright. So you painted all of this?"

"20 of them and a sculpture, I had a lot of free time. The other pieces of art are from my friends."

"Well everything looks amazing," Lisa complemented.

"Thank you. Well I have to go. I'm supposed to make a speech soon, I hope you like what you see," Garth said walking away. Lisa looked over at Dean.

"Well don't look at me. You know more about this place than I do. Lead the way, beautiful."

"Okay, let me show you the world of art, handsome," Lisa said with a smile.

***S*P*N***

"That art really spoke to me… yeah… I'm pretty sure- no I'm possitive it told me to never come back again," Dean joked as he drove them to their next destination.

"Oh don't pretend like you didn't enjoy it. You looked mesmerized at the crystal display."

"Yeah, I gotta admit, that was pretty cool. Garth is a great artist," Dean said truthfully. Garths art was… unique but impressive. They had both enjoyed it.

"I told you, you would like it. I had a really nice time tonight. It was a good surprise, thank you."

"I'm glad you had a good time but what I don't get is why you're saying goodbye. Lisa, it's not even 7 o'clock yet. What do you think this was a play date? The nights not even close to being done."

"What more do you have planned?"

"So much more."

"Then why am I not wearing the blindfold?"

"Eh I got lazy… and I'm pretty sure I lost it."

"Oh… you would." Lisa said with a laugh. Dean just shrugged.

"Yeah but you love me anyways," he said as he parked the truck. Lisa didn't respond. "You do love me right?"

"So where are we?"Lisa asked.

"I see what you did there…"

"Do you?" Lisa asked with a smirk. Dean smiled and leaned into her till his face was inches away from her ear.

"I think I do," he whispered. He quickly pulled away and got out of the car, but not before he caught a glimpse of Lisa's blush and a hint of a smile. "I know I said I would never take you to cooking class but this night is all about you."

"This night is like all your firsts bunched up into one," Lisa said holding onto Dean's arm. "What are we going to be making?"

"I'm not sure, but we get to take it home right after." He knew though, they were making lasagna. Lasagna was in his top ten favorite food list.

By the time they had gotten the lasagna finished, Dean had only hurt himself once, which was surprising. It was when he was taking the lasagna out that he accidentally burnt himself. Dean hated cooking at home but cooking with Lisa was a piece of cake, she did most of the work. Dean only had to pour the sauce and put the lasagna in the oven and take it out again.

Once they had the lasagna in the back of the car, Dean realized that he had forgotten something.

"I think I forgot my jacket," Dean said as he got out of the car.

"But Dean-"

"I'll be really quick," he said as he ran back into the building.

"You weren't wearing a jacket," Lisa finished.

Dean had come back empty handed saying, "Silly me, I didn't even bring a jacket."

By the time they started driving to their last event of the night, it was 9 o'clock.

"So where are you going to take me next?"

"How about to a movie?" Dean asked.

"That sounds good, what movie are we seeing?"

"Some movie called the third side?"

"I've never heard of it."

"Well apparently it's supposed to be good, at least that's what Andrew told me." Andrews' movie choices were always poor but Dean was willing to give this one a try, it sounded alright.

"You sure you want to risk that?" Dean only shrugged. "Well, it sounds good to me. I was thinking…"

"Nothing good ever came out of that…" he chimed.

Lisa narrowed her eyes at him. "You're such… you…"

"Go ahead say it," Dean said aging her on.

"You're such a little…" Dean only laughed. Lisa hardly ever cussed. She took a deep breath and started over. "I was thinking that we should set Madison and Benny up."

"Or we could just wait-"

"Come on Dean! Think about it. We could help soul mates out!"

"Or they could just be 2 people… who aren't soul mates," Dean reasoned.

"Why do you have to be so pessimistic all the time? I swear it's like dating Eeyore."

Dean scoffed. "Did you just compare me to a donkey?"

"Yes I did."

"Well at least I'm not like Gumby."

"What the hell is that?"

"It's not what… well…maybe. Anyways, He's this little green guy that looks like a…very green piece of celery. And you're always too happy."

"I can't believe you just compared me to celery!"

"Well the point is that we don't need to interfere with their relationship."

"Why not!?" said raising her voice a little. Why was Dean so indifferent to her idea?

"Because I'm selfish and want as much time with you as I can get. Setting up people takes time and I want you all to myself," he finally said.

"Oh," Lisa said. She hadn't thought about that.

"Let's just not talk about this. Please? This night is supposed to be fun."

"Yeah of course. I'm sorry I got upset," Lisa apologized.

"Mhm… hey, we're here," Dean said, as if the last 2 minutes never happened.

"Is this a drive in movie?"

"Yeah, I thought you might like to go since you said it on our first date."

"You remembered."

"I remember everything you say," Dean said seriously. "Nah I'm just kidding. I don't remember like 75% of the things that come out of your mouth."

"Wow…thanks for ruining the moment…"

"You are very welcome. How about you say we crack open that lasagna that I graciously made for us?"

"That you made? Oh please… you can't even make toast," Lisa said with a smirk. "Where are we going to eat it?"

"In the back of the truck. That's why I traded my baby in."

"You're so kind. What about utensils?"

"I got two forks."

"You thought of everything. Is that what you were getting when you went back into the building?"

"Uh…Yeah."

"I think we should go get settled, the movies starting." Dean agreed and they set up the back of the truck. When the movie started, they were both covered in a blanket and leaning on a pillow and instead of popcorn, they were eating lasagna. Lisa had to admit that this date was different but she loved how spontaneous Dean was being, it was sexy.

***S*P*N***

"This night… can't be explained with words. I had so most fun." Lisa put her hands on the sides of Dean's face and pulled him towards her and kissed him on his lips. Dean put his arms around her waist and pulled her even closer to him, deepening the kiss. When they pulled away, they rested their foreheads together. "I love you… so much."

"I love you too," Dean said as he pecked her on the lips once more and ran his hand through her silky black waves. "Happy third Anniversary."

By the time Dean got home, he was in a lot of pain but no matter how much pain he was in, nothing could ruin the perfect night he had had with Lisa.

***S*P*N***

**OH MAN! This chap took me like a month to write! Watching ELF right now. ONE OF THE BEST MOVIES EVERRRRRR **

**Had a really bad couple weeks. I didn't even want to touch this but I got 10 reviews last chapter and that made me happy. I'm tired but it's all for you guys. Dang I started writing this chapter at Christmas time! **

** favim image/436466/ there's the dress I was looking at. It reminds me of Kate Middleton's wedding dress there's a space between the dot and the com.**

*****Next chapter preview:**

"I'm taking you to the hospital." John whipped Sam's face off and handing him a washcloth.

Sam took the towel from him. "No dad, I'm fine. My stomach doesn't hurt anymore." He sounded muffled but John still understood him.

"Sam, you're not fine, that was a lot of blood."

"I'm…I'm fine," Sam said slumping against the bathtub.

"Well I'm still taking you to the hospital. I'm going to lift you up okay?" John asked.

"I'm fine," Sam repeated as John lifted him to his feet.


	13. Chapter 13

**Back to Sam, let's see how he's doing. Thanks to Zylstra for editing this! **

**Chapter 13**

John rubbed his eyes. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen sunlight so he decided to take a break. His boss, Jim, had had John working on a model for a new restaurant for the last 3 days. He was sure coffee would wake him up. It wasn't until he opened the office door did he notice the TV was on.

"What are you still doing up?" John asked coming up from behind the couch.

Sam didn't turn his head to look but instead flipped the channel.

He then looked outside and to his watch "I could ask you the same question," Sam countered.

"Do you even know what time it is?"

"Dark," Sam replied. John couldn't see his face but he was positive that Sam was smirking.

"It's two o'clock in the morning."John said. "I know that it's Friday but you need really-"

"Yeah I know…" Sam turned the volume down a little bit. "So why are you up still up?

"I was just working on a project for Jim." John sat down next to Sam.

"What does Jim want you to do?" Sam asked stretching his legs.

"He wants me to create a model for this new restaurant. It's pointless but he wants me to make another."John rubbed his eyes before continuing. "I've been looking at that computer screen for too long."

"Maybe he doesn't like the first model," Sam suggested with a shrug.

"Well, he better like this one, it's taken me all week to create," John said. Sam could hear the anger bolting out from each word.

"You hate this don't you?" Sam asked. "You need to go on a hunt to relieve stress."

"Not until you're in remission."

"But you-"

"No buts. Not until you're in remission," John repeated. "Do you want me to make you anything to eat?"

"No, that's alright. And yes, I've already taken my pills. I'm just not ready to eat or drink anything yet."

"Sleep'll always do you some good," John suggested.

"Maybe in a little bit. I'm about to watch the series premiere of Supernatural."

"At 2 am in the morning?"

"Yeah. I missed it the first time so this is a repeat of the premier."

John lifted himself from the aged sunken couch. "Got it. Well, I'm going to make myself some coffee and go back to work. Shout if you need anything. That's an order. Got it?" John asked walking towards the kitchen, he could almost taste the coffee.

"Yes sir," Sam said. "Hey dad!" Sam called out, getting John's attention.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks," Sam said. It was a simple gesture but John knew what it meant.

"It's you and me against the world Sammy."

***S*P*N***

It tasted like metal and Sam knew instantly that it was blood. He had been feeling fatigued all day and this was just the cherry to top it all. "Dad!" He screamed through his gagging.

John suddenly stopped typing and ran to where Sam's voice was coming from. He ran up the steps leading to the upstairs and immediately saw the droplets of the crimson blood leading to the bathroom. He opened the bathroom door with force and instantly took a hold of the scene. There was blood on the floor and when Sam turned around, there was blood around his smeared on his mouth and on his sleeve. "Sam, what happened?" John asked as he knelt to Sam's level.

Sam turned his head back to the toilet. "Nosebleed made me sick," he muttered groggily. "I don't feel very good."

"When did this happen?" John asked rubbing his back to try and comfort him.

"I don't know… I was watching TV… and…" Sam took a deep breath to ease the nausea.

"Lift up your head up for me," John demanded. Sam lifted his head slowly. His bloody nose was running down his mouth and his face looked pale. "I'm taking you to the hospital." John whipped the blood from Sam's face with toilet paper and then handing him a dry washcloth.

It didn't take long for Sam to protest. "No dad, I'm fine. My stomach doesn't hurt anymore." He sounded muffled but John still understood him.

"Sam, you're not fine, that was a lot of blood."

"I'm…I'm fine," Sam said slumping against the bathtub.

"Well the way I see it is, you have no choice. I'm going to lift you up okay?" John asked.

"I'm fine," Sam repeated as John lifted him to his feet.

The drive to the hospital was quiet. Sam was zoning in and out with a trashcan in between his legs and John was too focused on getting to the hospital to talk.

He had been worried about Sam. After Sam's chemo last week, he had had three nose bleeds and two transfusions. John had a feeling that Sam would need to have another transfusion tonight. When they arrived at the hospital, Sam didn't have to wait long for a room or for his doctor.

"Sam's platelets are dangerously low. So are his white blood cells. Okay, so that means Sam's body needs to recuperate. I suggest that we hold off chemo for a week. It's a bit of a setback but it's only temporary. But I assure you that the leukemia will not grow or spread substantially during this time," Dr. Novak informed the two of them. "Think of this as a little break Sam." John put his hands in his pocket and leaned on the hospital bed.

"Will I need to stay overnight?" Sam asked weakly. His stomach had been hurting and he was tired but his curiosity overpowered both.

Sam was hooked up to a transfusion machine but it hadn't registered yet in his mind. "Yeah Sam," John answered. "You're hooked up for a transfusion." Sam frowned. That minor detail hadn't registered yet. "Sorry Sammy."

"How long?" Sam asked half asleep. John sighed. "Whatever, I don't want to know."

***S*P*N***

John pulled the doctor to the side. "Is everything alright?" He was pretty sure that Sam was asleep but he could never be too careful.

"I'm not sure John. This could just be side effects of the chemo or this could be something bigger. I recall Sam having a brother. Adam right?" John gave a simply nod. "Well I'm thinking that it would be in Sam's best interest if Adam got tested. The sooner we find Sam a healthy source of cells, the faster he's able to get out of here and the sooner hell be to enjoying life again. I'd be happy to give Imogen a call if you'd like."

"No that's alright. I'll call Imogen. When will we know if the chemo has stopped working again?" He wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer.

The doctor sighed; these were the days that he hated his job. "The soonest I could get the results would be tomorrow," Dr. Novak responded. John just nodded. "The nurses will be here soon to take Sam's blood."

***S*P*N***

"Imogen… I… its John. Sam… he's in the hospital."

"Wait what?" Imogene asked. "Please… just please tell me he's okay," Imogen whispered. She automatically started chewing her finger nails, an old habit that she thought she got rid of.

"He's fine right now. He's actually attempting to eat Jello right now," John said. He could almost hear the sigh of relief from the other end. "The chemo has actually stopped working. The docs compared the results from two months ago and his abnormal blasts, otherwise known as the bad cells, are way up and that's not good. They're higher than they were when he was first diagnosed. I'm surprised he hasn't been sicker. But if we find a bone marrow donor in a reasonable amount of time, there's a good chance that Sam'll pull through."

"He's a fighter."

"Damn right he is."

"I've been doing some research and I want to get Adam tested now." John didn't say anything. "… You still there?"

"Yeah…yeah. I'm still here."

"We'll take the next flight to Kansas."

"but-"

"John there is absolutely nothing- I mean nothing that you can say or do to stop me from doing this."

John didn't object. Hopefully, Sam wouldn't need Adam. That Sam would be fine on his own. But as always, nothing went right for the Winchesters.

***S*P*N***

Imogen was getting antsy. She had been stuck on an airplane all morning and being stuck in traffic only made her more anxious. "How far away is this hospital? I hate traffic."

"Imogen, relax. I'm going 5 over the speed limit. If I go any faster, well get pulled over. And this isn't traffic."

"I just feel like we've been in this car forever."

John couldn't help but smirk. "We've only been driving for five minutes..."

Imogen sighed. "I'm sorry; it's been a long morning.

"Were not going to the hospital. I'm dropping you off at the hotel first."

Imogen shook her head. "That's not happening. I want to go straight to the hospital," Imogen told him. John knew Imogen would get her way, like always.

"Whoa… I just picked you guys up from the airport. Could you just- look how about you guys least check into a hotel, and then we can get Adam tested out. Sam's not going anywhere."

Adam pulled out his headphones, he was trying to tune his mom and John out but his plan didn't work. "I don't know you that well but I do know my mom… a word of advice, she will always get her way so I would just give in now if I were you."

"Adam!" Imogene yelled. Sometimes she wondered if the newly turned 15 year old was really her son.

"No it's alright Imogen." John's eyes flicked to Adam in the rearview mirror. "He's just speaking the truth," John said with a grin.

Adam laughed. His mom had told him about John but meeting him was totally different. He was pretty cool. "You're alright John."

"Well I'm glad I have your approval." When Imogen said that Adam had been going through a rough patch, she wasn't exaggerating. Adam had jet black hair. John could tell it was died since his eyebrows were still blond. Adam's lip and his eyebrow were also pierced. He couldn't help the rising anger he felt towards himself; he had missed all of Adam's life. Granted, it wasn't his fault but that didn't mean that he didn't feel bad about neglecting his youngest son. Adam looked so much like John, but had Imogen's eyes. It was funny how it worked out that way.

Adam turned his attention to his mom. "Will this… thing like hurt?" Adam asked from the back seat.

"Honey, to be honest, I don't know. I think it's just a little prick." Imogen turned to face Adam from the passenger seat. "It'll be like when you got your eyebrow… and your lip… and your ears… pierced." Each thing she listed, her voice went down an octave.

"Whatever," Adam sighed, popping his headphones in, tuning everyone out with heavy metal again.

***S*P*N***

"The results are in. Adam's a perfect match for the Bone Marrow Transplant," Doctor Novak informed the 2 families. Nobody was more relieved than John, now his son was going to beat this disease, he was sure of it.

Sam frowned. While everyone seemed to be happy, Sam was feeling the total opposite. He actually felt angry. Why was everyone celebrating? Oh yeah, maybe it had something to do with the fact that they weren't going to be pumped full of chemicals soon. The thought of having chemo, radiation and the procedure scared him and the possibilities of the BMT not working was torture. Maybe Sam was being selfish, maybe he was being a coward. After all he had been through so far, why couldn't he hold out for a little more?

Even though Adam had just met Sam; he could feel Sam's tension. "When do you guys start nuking my body?" Sam asked. Silence flooded the room. "What? Is it not true?"

John's eyes narrowed and sternly said, "Sam, drop the attitude."

"It's an honest question so please just answer it."

"That's a very good question Sam. I'll answer that and more. We'll start you off with chemo in a couple days. We're going to completely get rid of the all the cancer cells in your body so the new cells that we put in have a chance at working. This reduces the chance of you relapsing in the future by alot."

"When is the BMT scheduled?" John asked.

"If everything goes well, I have scheduled Sam's Bone Marrow Transplant for May 16th. In the course of 2 weeks, you, Adam, will get a few injections a day to make your bone marrow strong and to get your body to making more bone marrow. You'll only have to have these up until the transplant."

"I asked my mom this question but will the shots hurt really badly?"

"It's just a little prick each day."

"Will Adam have any side effects from the injections?" Imogen asked.

"He may experience stiffness, his bones might be a bit ache but other than that, noting else."

Adam let out a sigh of relief. "So I won't like die or anything?"

"No, that's very unlikely."

John looked over at Sam, who had pulled his knees up in his chair. He hated how uncomfortable Sam felt. "What'll happen to Sam when Adam's getting the injections?"

"During that time, Sam will be getting on again off again chemotherapy and radiation. After that, we will harvest Adam's marrow and that very next day, we will put his marrow in Sam so it has the best chance of working. After all of this, depending on the success, which I have high hopes that it will be a success, Sam will have a recovery period of about a month. This means total isolation."

"Does that mean Sam'll be in like a bubble? Like that movie Bubble Boy?" Adam asked. Imogen gave him a tap on the arm.

Dr. Novak chuckled. "Bubble boy… I like it. Well sort of. Basically he'll be in this room and when people want to visit, they have to wear protective clothing and wash their hands so to not get Sam sick. We do this because his immune system is still trying to recuperate so he's very susceptible to infections. Sam will be able to go home after that. We'll continue to do checkups on him periodically to see if the BMT was successful. He'll be weak for a few months afterwards but slowly he'll get his energy back. Do you guys have any questions?"

"I don't think so. Thanks jimmy," John said watching his eldest son. He had been quiet and Sam was never quiet. He had always been very talkative. Even when Sam was younger, the ability to talk had happened so fast. One day he was saying a few words, the next day, full sentences. He learned how to talk before he learned how to walk. John knew that Sam didn't want have the transplant. John noticed the look on Sam's face; it was a mixture sadness and fear. And even though John could be oblivious at times, he didn't fail to notice the way Sam had receded from everyone and sunk into his seat. "How you feeling about all this Sam?"

Sam sunk more into his chair. "It's whatever. Just do it."

***S*P*N***

Sam couldn't help feel a bit annoyed. It was just him and Adam in his hospital room. He knew the only reason Adam was to keep an eye on him. His dad hadn't said it directly but it was implied with his body language. Sam turned his attention from the TV to Adam. "So, what'd they tell you about all of this?" Sam asked. Adam took out his headphones. He always had them in.

"Uh… other than what the doc said, not much. But what I do know is that you're sick, with leukemia, I can't catch it and that I'm going to help you 'cause you're my brother," Adam finished.

Sam nodded his head. "Good answer." It wasn't until then had Sam gotten a real good look at Adam and his piercings. Sam had to admit, his somewhat emo appearance didn't match his personality at all. "Your mom actually let you get piercing?"

"Yeah."

Sam made a confused face. "Why?"

"Why did she let me or why did I want to get them?"

"Both."

"Cause she believes in expressing yourself. Whatever that means... and I guess I thought it was cool at the time, I wanted to be different."

"Do you feel different?"

Adam shrugged his shoulders and casually said, "Some days."

"How long have you had them?"

"January of last year."

Sam had obviously never had a younger sibling before so he didn't think they would become friends so easily in the few days that they had known each other, but they had. After all, Adam was going to save his life.

"Well I'm glad you're helping me out."

"You better be. Those injections make me feel weird. What the hell is that stuff?"

"I have no clue but welcome to my life." Sam returned his attention back to the TV.

"So I was wonder… no- I… I never mind," Adam dismissed. He then started taping his foot on the floor. He wanted to ask Sam a question but he wasn't sure if they were that close yet.

"You obviously have a question."

"no-"

Sam rolled his eyes in irritation. "Just ask it."

"You know, the big C."

"Cancer?" Adam nodded.

"What's it like?" Adam asked. "You know… having it."

Sam adjusted himself in his bed. "Maybe I shouldn't have forced you to ask that question. Let me think about that one," Sam said as he rubbed his neck. "It's frustrating. 93% of the time, it's basically like the weakest you've ever felt, the sickest you've ever been and the most pain you've ever experienced all packed into one but the other 7%, you're glad to be alive. You know, when I was first diagnosed I blamed everyone, even Imogen. I felt like there was something that everyone could have done differently but the reality is that nobody could have prevented this. I've read stories where people say that this cancer shit makes you a stronger person and it's supposed to be a journey, but right now, I don't feel like it is. Maybe later if I beat this thing I'll think that way."

***S*P*N***

Sam glanced at the bags of chemo. He followed the drips with his eyes. Drip. Drip. Drip. He felt like he was dying a little more with. It was 8 o'clock in the morning and he was in his second treatment of chemo out of eight.

"Sam! You okay?" Sam turned his head to where the voice was. It was his dad. He hadn't even noticed his dad come in. His dad was holding a medium sized box with plain blue wrapping paper around the exterior.

Sam slowly nodded his head. "Yeah I'm fine. What's that box for"

"You don't remember what day it is?"

"Chemo day?"

"No… It's your birthday." John handed him the box and Sam stared at it. The box wasn't wrapped very well. The wrapping paper was punctured and Sam could see rips and where the cardboard was showing. "Happy Birthday. Go ahead, open it."

Sam didn't move. "Oh yeah? What's so good about it?" Sam asked unenthused. He knew his dad was only trying to cheer him up but he found himself getting annoyed.

"I promise I'll make it up to you."

"Don't worry about it, it doesn't even feel like it's my birthday anyway. How can this box be so light when it's so big?"

John took a seat next to him. "Just open the damn box. I promise that it will make you feel better." Sam rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh and started to rip the paper away. He couldn't believe what he saw on the box. He smiled. "Gee dad… I've always wanted an easy bake oven…"

John smiled. It had been the first time he had seen Sam smile that week. "See, I told you that it would make you feel better. Now open the box."

Sam opened the flaps of the box and took out its content. "It's a pocket knife." Sam smiled for the second time that day. "If you look at the back of it, it has your initials. Samuel Blake Winchester." Sam turned the knife over and slowly traced the letters and the smooth dark cheery wood. He slid the knife open and scanned the sharp silver blade. He carefully slid his thumb across the blade to test its sharpness. "Do you like it?"

Sam stared at the pocket knife with awe. "I love it." he looked over at his dad. "I'm sorry for being a jerk to you. It's just-"

"Say no more Sammy. I know with all the chemo and the BMT plans that it's been a tough few day, you don't need to explain anything." John patted Sam on the shoulder.

"Since we're all happy here… I was wondering… do you think I'll be able to make it to Dean's graduation?"

"When is it?"

"The 9th."

"Sammy, that's right before your transplant, definitely not."

"I know but this is his graduation! He's helped me through so much."

"I know how much you want to-"

"I knew you wouldn't say yes… I can't get you to change your mind?"

"Not a chance."

"Well can you at least video tape it?"

"If you're doing alright, I will go and video tape the ceremony."

"That would…" his sentence was interrupted with a yawn.

"Tired?"

"Yeah a little bit. I think I'm going to take a nap."

***S*P*N***

A few hours after Sam's nap, Dean surprised Sam by paying him a visit. After not being able to see Dean for a week, Sam was surprised to see how much skinner Dean was than their last visit. Ever step Dean seemed to take made him look stiffer and the books in his arms didn't do anything good to his slightly hunched back. It was as if the two textbooks in his hands where two bolder pulling him down slowly. Dean didn't look so good, but neither did he.

"**Hey kid, what's your deal?"** Dean asked. The memory of when they had first met flashed in Sam's mind.

"Jerk… my deal is a freaking bone marrow transplant," Sam responded with.

"Brought you your homework bitch," Dean said as he plopped the books onto Sam's bed. Dean then took a seat next to him slowly. That was when Sam was able to get a closer look at his face; Dean looked like he was in pain. The way that he winced when he sat down was a good indication of it.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Why do you look so sick?" Dean suddenly felt angry. He had surprised Sam with a visit and this was what they were going to talk about? His health?

"Look I came to visit you and see how_ you_ were doing. Today's not about me. How're you holding up?"

"Really? That's the question you came to ask?"

Dean shrugged. "I guess not?"

Sam sighed deeply. "Well to tell you the truth, I feel like shit."

"I get the feeling. That's me every day," Dean added.

"I won't be able to make it to your graduation its days before my transplant."

"Dude, it's alright. I get it; you're going to be in recovery. I won't be offended," Dean said carelessly. "It's not a big deal."

Sam didn't probe Dean, but he knew something was bothering him. They talked for a while, everything from weather, the summer to even school. By the end of their conversation, Sam couldn't take it anymore and he asked. "You're sick again aren't you?"

Dean looked at him for what seemed to be hours but in actuality was only a few minutes. He then lowered his head. "Yeah."

"Since when?"

"February…" Dean crossed his arms over his chest, almost ashamed that he had relapsed. Sam wanted to ask him more questions about his condition but Dean's body language was beckoned him to stop and change the subject.

"You gonna be alright?" Sam knew it was the most overrated question, but he asked it anyway.

Dean gave him a grin. Sam noticed it wasn't his usual carefree grin. Something about it was different but Sam couldn't figure it out. It almost looked fake. "I'll be just fine Sammy."

***S*P*N***

**Question, does anyone know Dean and Lisa's anniversary date? I can't seem to find it anywhere. In my head or on my computer… I'm pretty sure it's the 10****th****…**

**Zylstra pushed me to be more detailed and I hoped it showed. I was supposed to get this on here yesterday but I had wayyyy too much HW **

*****Next chapter Preview:**

"Dean honey, it's been an hour and a half." Mary caressed the left side of his face. She could see the dark around his eyes and she could tell that the nap did nothing to help anything. Dean stretched out wincing. "You okay? Do you need some medicine?"

"I already took some this morning…" Dean mumbled. The medicine's effects weren't as strong as they used to be.

"It's okay if you take more, you're obviously in pain."


End file.
